Recovery from Social Anxiety and Related Conditions

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“ALWAYS BEING RIGHT
Cognitive Distortion

“Cognitive distortions are exaggerated and irrational thought and behavior patterns that contribute to our anxiety and depression. They distort our perception of reality and justify toxic thoughts and actions.

“Identifying cognitive distortions can be difficult because they often lack clear definitions and tend to occur together, increasing their overall complexity. For example, “filtering” involves concentrating only on the negative aspects of situations, “polarized thinking” views everything in black-and-white terms, and “catastrophizing” assumes the worst possible outcome. Although their similarities seem clear, there are notable differences.

Recognizing our tendency to exploit these patterns and understanding their harmful effects on our emotional health is a crucial step in our recovery process.

The Burden of Always Being Right

“For many of us, our fear of criticism often leads to a ‘know-it-all’ attitude, in which we dismiss opposing viewpoints arbitrarily to protect our fragile ego. As we rebuild and reclaim our self-esteem, this urge significantly diminishes.

“Even when faced with evidence that contradicts us, we go to great lengths to defend our stance, often belittling those who disagree and refusing to acknowledge our own fallibility. In these moments, the need to be right takes priority over considering others’ beliefs, opinions, and feelings.

The Impact on My Career

“My need to always be right, regardless of the cost, hurt my early acting career. Instead of accepting opportunities with humility and gratitude, I let self-centered thinking convince me that I knew more about the industry than anyone else.

“Whether this irrational thinking pattern stemmed from fears of failure, success, or being exposed as a fraud remains uncertain; social anxiety can be frustratingly mysterious.

“One illustrative example is when Sal Mineo offered me the role of “Queenie” in Fortune and Men’s Eyes. I declined the offer, convinced that the part was not suitable for the leading man I aspired to become. Michael Greer was cast in the role and went on to achieve success in film and television.

“Similarly, during my work in a staged version of Mr. Roberts, I believed I understood my character, Manion, better than the director did. Our disagreements over my interpretation caused inevitable conflict. Jimmy Burrows would later become famous as the director of, among other shows, Taxi, Cheers, Frasier, and Friends. Unsurprisingly, I was never invited to audition for a Burrows-directed show.

“In another instance, I rewrote my small part in Report to the Commissioner, confident that my version was better than the original script. They cut my role, and I was never cast in another Frankovich production.

“These experiences demonstrate how my arrogance and reluctance to accept guidance or compromise caused major problems. Opportunities fell by the wayside because I couldn’t break free from this self-destructive thought pattern.

“Whatever the cause of my need to assert my claimed expertise, I constantly convinced myself I was right and that the experienced professionals around me were wrong. This strong belief in my own perceived insight became a major obstacle, disrupting a once-promising acting career.

“Cognitive distortions can influence not only our decisions but also the overall direction of our personal and professional lives. The impact of refusing to challenge maladaptive thoughts and behaviors is significant, derailing opportunities and hindering growth.

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Questioning Our Belief Patterns

“The need to always be right exposes our fragile self-esteem. Our irrational belief system influences how we see ourselves. When we refuse to question our beliefs, we act as if we are perfect, ignoring evidence that contradicts us. Our insecurity can be so deep that it distorts our perceptions, overriding facts and others’ feelings.

Cognitive Bias

“Adding insult to injury, social anxiety causes us to store information aligned with our negative core and intermediate beliefs, leading to cognitive biases. A cognitive bias is a subconscious error in thinking that causes us to misinterpret information, affecting the accuracy of our perspectives and decision-making.

“Those of us caught up in the pattern of always needing to be right tend to ignore what others say, avoiding anything that might reveal our ignorance and lead us to accept our imperfections. Even when we know we are wrong, we find it almost impossible to admit it.

“When our opinions conflict with those of authority figures, we grudgingly accept their views, secretly convinced of our own superiority. This submissiveness strips us of our strength, fueling anger and resentment. We bow to their authority but envy their power, remaining irritated and bitter.

“Our desire to be perceived as clever and knowledgeable shields our fragile self-image. Many of us try to hide our fears of criticism and rejection by highlighting our intellectual abilities, which are usually misplaced.

“This compulsion does not bode well for healthy relationships. Our unwillingness to consider others’ feelings and opinions is dismissive and demeaning. Friendships thrive on mutual respect and understanding, not on one person’s need to be right. Few want to deal with someone unwilling or unable to value their opinions, insights, or belief system.

“The tendency on social media to attack someone’s conflicting beliefs and the pundits who deny, obfuscate, and shout down the opposition are clear examples of the always-being-right syndrome.

Solutions

“As with most cognitive distortions, the key objective is to think before reacting by asking ourselves some pertinent questions. Have we considered the opposition’s opinions objectively? Maybe their argument has merit. Could we be wrong? (The probability is high if we get our facts from the Internet.)

“Being receptive to different perspectives can expand our understanding and result in more balanced decisions.

“Even if we are correct, is it necessary to belittle someone else’s position? What do we really gain by winning an argument other than personal satisfaction? Is our need to be right more important than someone’s feelings? Before making arbitrary decisions and sharing our thoughts, we should critically examine our motivations.”

Recommended Books from Clients and Subscribers (add yours)

More Feedback on “A Survivor’s Common Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety.”

“I came across A Survivor’s Common Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety recently, and something about it genuinely stopped me.

“The fact that this isn’t written from a purely academic perspective, but from someone who personally experienced severe social anxiety and fought through it, combined with your practical “overgrown garden” approach to uprooting negative self-beliefs and building healthier patterns, is exactly the kind of guidance that deserves a real audience, not just a listing buried three pages deep in search results.” – AURORA WILLOW