Social Anxiety and Related Conditions

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

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The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.  

Reclaiming and Rebuilding Our Self-Esteem

Individuals grappling with social anxiety often find themselves with notably lower implicit and explicit self-esteem compared to those without this condition. Explicit self-esteem is the conscious manifestation of our self-worth, while implicit self-esteem is our subconscious self-evaluation, often manifested in our automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). 

Maslow’s Hierarchy

For healthy human development, certain preconditions must be met, which play a crucial role in the evolution of our self-esteem. These preconditions include sufficient sleep, a sense of security and safety, familial support, and a nurturing environment – all of which are fundamental to healthy emotional growth.

Abraham Maslow, a pioneer in positive psychology, introduced a hierarchy of optimal human development that identifies five crucial categories: physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization.

While he later expanded the list, this discussion centers on the preconditions that significantly impact our self-esteem. Maslow’s primary hierarchical levels establish a clear link between satisfying these preconditions and our psychological development.

• Level 1 – Biological and Physiological: air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, and sleep.
• Level 2 – Safety: protection, security, order, law, limit, and stability.
• Level 3 – Belonginess and Love: family, affection, relationships, social, and group.
• Level 4 – Esteem: achievement, responsibility, status, and reputation.

Figure 2 illustrates how deprivation of any of these factors (unmet satisfactions) can be detrimental to a child’s emotional development, which can significantly impact their self-esteem. Concurrently, social anxiety is also in the developmental stage, which adds additional constraints to our self-esteem.

Moreover, a multitude of factors, including our surroundings, sexual orientation, race and ethnicity, and education, play a pivotal role in shaping our self-esteem. Family, colleagues, teachers, and other influential figures significantly contribute to this intricate process, underscoring the complexity of self-esteem formation. 

Development within Maslow’s hierarchy is not purely linear, but fluid and individualized, shaped by our unique experiences and environment. A child will have difficulty learning (level 4) if they are hungry (level 1). Without responsible parenting (level 3), they are unlikely to feel safe (level 2). 

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)   

Physiological Needs

Physiological needs are the fundamental necessities required for survival and healthy development. They include air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sleep, and health. Deprivation of these disrupts our natural growth and impacts our core beliefs, which are more rigid in SAD persons because we tend to store information consistent with negativity, ignoring evidence that contradicts it.

Safety and Security

Childhood disturbance impacts our safety and security (level 2). Our formative years need order, protection, and stability. Any deprivations stem from the parental unit. Any upheaval can generate negative core beliefs, such as feelings of abandonment, detachment, neglect, or exploitation, leading to distrust of family, authority, and relationships (level 3). 

Love and Belongingness

Any insufficiency of love adversely affects our sense of belonging, which in turn challenges interpersonal and social connections. We are societal beings; our fundamental need for connectivity is hardwired into our brains. This lacuna in healthy personal and social interaction manifests in our symptomatic fear and distrust of relationships, as well as our avoidance of social interaction. 

Human interconnectedness is a crucial element of both mental and physical health. Research has demonstrated that engaging in healthy social activities can bolster our immune system and shield our brain from neurodegenerative diseases. Positive interpersonal interactions trigger the release of chemical hormones that not only bolster our self-esteem but also enhance learning, concentration, pleasure, and motivation, essential for self-esteem enhancement.

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is our awareness of our value and significance to ourselves, society, and the world. It is the recognition and acceptance of our flaws and assets. It defines how we perceive ourselves, how we believe others perceive us, and how we process and present that information. 

The rediscovery and deployment of our character strengths, virtues, and accomplishments is a significant catalyst in reclaiming and rebuilding our self-esteem. Our renewed sense of self-worth and appreciation consolidate our self-esteem.

Awareness and acceptance does not happen overnight, however. It is a long-term, evolving subjective process. While self-esteem enjoys respect and reciprocation from others (status and reputation), it is not defined by the approval of others. Otherwise, it would be labeled other­-esteem, which is the reliance on external validation for one’s self-worth.

Healthy Philautia

Philautia is the Greek dichotomy of self-love. At one end of the spectrum is the excessive love of self (narcissism) and, at the other, the recognition and appreciation of self (self-esteem). 

Narcissism is a condition in which people function with an inflated and irrational sense of importance, often expressed by haughtiness or arrogance. It is the need for excessive attention and admiration, masking a sense of inferiority and inadequacy. Although we may be uncomfortable with the label, social anxiety carries an unhealthy self-centeredness that approaches narcissism.

Healthy philautia recognizes our value and potential. It realizes that we are necessary to this life and of incomprehensible worth. By embracing ourselves, warts and all, we embark on a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. This journey inspires us to explore our inner selves and opens us to sharing our authenticity.

To experience joy and fulfillment in one’s self-being is the essence of healthy philautia. Self-esteem is a prerequisite to loving others. This realization prompts us to reflect on our relationships and the role of self-esteem in them. If we cannot appreciate ourselves, we cannot wholly cherish another. It is unfeasible to give away something we do not possess.

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Rebuild

Reclaiming is the act of retrieving or recovering something previously lost. To rebuild means to renew or restore something that has been damaged or underutilized. Due to the disruption in our optimal development, many positive self-qualities that contribute to our self-esteem are latent or dormant – underdeveloped or suspended.

These self-qualities are not lost; they are just waiting to be rediscovered and nurtured. Disruption interrupts productivity. It does not destroy it. Just as we can deliberately reinvigorate our muscles by exercising them, we can also deliberately reinvigorate our self-esteem. 

Goal and Objectives

The primary goal of recovery from social anxiety is to mitigate our fears and apprehensions. Self-empowerment involves rebuilding our self-esteem and motivation. They are complementary. We execute these goals through a three-pronged approach.  

• Replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones.
• Produce rapid, concentrated neurological stimulation to offset the abundance of information in our brain’s metabolism.
• Reclaim and rebuild our self-esteem and reintegrate into society through recognition and reinforcement of our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.

Symptoms

Aaron Beck, the pioneer of cognitive-behavioral therapy, maintained that social anxiety and depression provoke feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and unworthiness. The concept of undesirability revealed itself in our SAD recovery workshops. Until we commit to recovery, we continue to be manipulated by these destructive self-beliefs. 

We struggle to build healthy relationships due to difficulties with intimacy, trust, and establishing personal boundaries. We convince ourselves we are incompetent and socially inadequate. 

And we compare ourselves unfavorably to others, our expectations of criticism, ridicule, and rejection cause us to avoid personal affinity and collegiality.

There are multiple ways to mitigate the anxiety of negative triggers. Three of the more effective are grounding, positive reframing, and rational response.

Grounding

Grounding is turning attention away from anxiety-provoking thoughts, memories, or worries and refocusing on the present moment. It refers to any technique that brings our attention to the present moment. Whenever we feel anxious or stressed, we can use grounding techniques to distract ourselves from the emotional situation.

This research-based strategy helps us alleviate our situational fears and automatic negative thoughts. If we find ourselves in moments of stress or panic, grounding techniques can help our bodies relax and return to the present moment.

One of the most common grounding techniques is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which grounds us to the moment by reconnecting us to one or more of our five senses. We deliberately focus on objects, sounds, smells, tastes, and our bodies, defusing our emotional distress by distracting from our anxiety.

Reframing

By reframing, we identify our self-esteem issues and revise our perspective on how we experience and respond to them. Positive reframing turns a negative perspective into a positive or neutral one, giving us the control to embrace posibility.

There are always multiple perspectives to any situation. While we may not control everything that happens, we always control how we react and respond. If we have a choice to be positive and happy, then it is illogical not to take advantage of the opportunity. 

One example is reframing a problem or issue as a challenge or opportunity. We reframe an argument (and dramatically alleviate frustration and anger) by looking at it from the other’s perspective. In a snowstorm, we can be housebound and despondent, or we can take the sleds and ice skates out of the closet.

Although there may be justification for negative thinking, it is in our interest to reframe our perspective to accelerate and consolidate the positive restructuring of our neural network. Our negative thoughts are unhealthy and nonproductive. Experts agree that positive reframing is critical for emotional well-being. 

Rational Response

A rational coping statement is a logical, self-affirming counter to our fears and automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). ANTs are the immediate, involuntary emotional responses that occur when we are challenged in a particular situation. They are the unpleasant, self-defeating things we tell ourselves that define who we are, who we think we are, and who we think others think we are.

ANTs are borne of our core and intermediate beliefs and sustained by our negative self-appraisal. Examples of ANTs include: “No one will talk to me.” “I’ll do something stupid.” “I’m a loser.”)

The logical counters to our ANTs are rational responses or ARTs (automatic rational thoughts). For example, in response to the situational fear of adverse criticism, the corresponding ANT might be, “I am inadequate and don’t belong here.” ARTs (automatic rational thoughts could include: “I am entitled to be here as much as anyone,” “I am valuable and significant,” and “I am equal to anyone here.” These rational coping statements boost our confidence in challenging situations. 

As we progress in recovery, grounding, positive reframing, and rational coping statements become habitual and automatic. This process instills confidence and motivation, knowing that with practice, these techniques can become second nature, helping us manage our anxiety more effectively.

Identify and Address the Problem

Understanding the source and trajectory of a fear or apprehension is the crucial first step in reframing or rationally responding to it.

1. We identify the situation where our self-esteem is an issue. Where are we? Who is present? What is causing our distress? 

2. We unmask our fears and apprehensions. What is problematic for us in the situation? How do we feel (physically, intellectually, emotionally)? What is our specific concern or worry? Are we afraid of rejection? Are we worried we will say something stupid? Or are we concerned others will criticize or ridicule us? 

3. We identify our corresponding ANTs. These are the involuntary, emotional, self-defeating expressions of our fears – the self-defeating things we tell ourselves. “No one will talk to me.” I’ll say something stupid.” “I’m a loser.” She’ll reject me.”

4. We examine and analyze our fears and corresponding ANTs. What are the causes, thoughts, and images precipitating them? How do we counter their illogicality?

5. Once we have examined, analyzed, and accepted the self-destructive and unreasonable nature of our fears and corresponding ANTs, we reframe or rationally respond to them.

Reclaiming and rebuilding our self-esteem and motivation is best accomplished in a workshop environment where we can identify and examine the challenges through personal introspection, memory work, journaling, role-playing, and other tools and techniques.

Even so, we can practice specific tools and strategies independently.

The Character Resume

A character resume is a compilation of our positive qualities, achievements, and memories. Mindfully retrieving and cataloging these qualities compels us to embrace our value, confirming we are desirable, consequential, and worthy.

What goes into our character resume? Anything and everything that activates a positive response, including our strengths, achievements, contributions, personal milestones, happy memories, talents, and charitable deeds.

Character Strengths, Virtues, and Attributes. Due to our negative self-analysis, we tend to repress, misplace, and forget our inherent and developed assets. They are not erased or lost; however, they are compartmentalized from our active consciousness. Renewed mindfulness of these strengths and incorporating them into our daily lives helps rebuild our self-esteem. 

Positive Autobiography lists our successes, achievements, and personal milestones. Recollecting and recognizing our accomplishments encourages us to embrace the extraordinariness of our lives.

Positive Personal Affirmations. PPAs are self-motivating, empowering statements that help us focus on goals, challenge negative, self-defeating beliefs, and reprogram our subconscious minds. 

Self-Esteem Self-Analysis. What do we like about ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and socially?  

Generate Completions

A symptom of social anxiety is our expectation of the worst possible consequences of a negative experience. We fear failure and disappointment. We project adverse outcomes through our automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). “What if no one talks to me?” “What if they criticize my presentation?” “What if they think I’m a loser?”

We often self-fulfill an adverse outcome to protect ourselves from disappointment because we tend to set unreasonable expectations. Our fears of criticism and ridicule render completions as risks not worth taking.

Completion is an action and a quality of being. It is realization, fulfillment, and resolution. In psychological terms, completions produce a sense of achievement, satisfaction, and closure, making us feel more accomplished.

Worrying about something that hasn’t happened is an exercise in futility and supports our sense of hopelessness. It negatively impacts our entire outlook in life, causing issues of motivation and self-esteem that lead to self-disappointment and underachievement.

In recovery, we recommend graded exposure (systematic desensitization) to counter completion anxiety – the apprehension or discomfort that can occur when faced with a task that needs to be completed. We begin with lower-tiered projects that, if not done to our satisfaction, can lead to self-resentment and disappointment.

Challenge low-priority items we have been putting off, such as clearing out the garage or making that family connection we have been postponing. We attain that sense of achievement and closure that is beneficial to our emotional well-being. Consequently, we free up space in our minds for other ventures.

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries establish the standard of treatment to which we believe we are entitled. They define what behaviors towards us are acceptable or unacceptable. Boundaries protect us from invasions of our space, feelings, limitations, and expectations. They enable us to assert our identity, achieve our goals and objectives, and prevent others from manipulating, exploiting, or taking advantage of us. 

Knowing and securing our boundaries is a direct result of a healthy sense of self-awareness. It requires self-confidence and a clear recognition of our value and significance. Healthy emotional boundaries prioritize our feelings and needs. 

Our social anxiety provokes us to anticipate criticism and ridicule. We obsess over what others think and say about us. Our desire to be accepted makes us reticent to assert our needs and conditions for security and happiness.

Our incapacity to establish, develop, and maintain relationships creates the fear that boundaries limit the possibility of human connection. We worry that self-assertion will bring rejection and isolation. Our negative self-appraisal convinces us we are unworthy.

Rather than saying no, we often overextend ourselves and prioritize the needs of others above our own, which can lead to feelings of resentment and exploitation.

Boundaries are a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. They bring us closer to others by establishing clear understandings of personal values. Defining acceptable behavior fosters communication and self-assurance. When we set boundaries, we take control of our lives, rather than allowing others to dictate our choices.

Defense Mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are temporary safeguards against situations that challenge our conscious minds. They are unconscious and automatic psychological responses designed to protect us from our fears and apprehensions. 

We overcompensate, deny, repress, and rationalize our feelings. We project our behaviors onto others rather than confronting them, and we displace our guilt by kicking the dog. 

Cognitive Distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that perpetuate our anxiety and depression. We twist reality to reinforce or justify our toxic thoughts and behaviors. Social anxiety paints an inaccurate picture of the self in the world with others. 

The number of cognitive distortionsranges substantially. Thirteen are particularly adept at subverting our self-esteem, including:

Polarized thinking. In polarized thinking, we perceive things as absolute – black or white. There is no middle ground, no compromise. We are either brilliant or abject failures. Our friends are for us or against us. Worse than our anxiety about criticism is our self-judgment. We must be broken and inept if we are not flawless and masterful. There is no room for mistakes or mediocrity.

Filtering. When we filter, we focus on the negative aspects of our lives, fixating on situations and memories that support our defeatist self-appraisal. This creates an emotional imbalance due to the exclusion of healthy thoughts and behaviors. We view ourselves, the world, and our future through an unforgiving lens.

Emotional Reasoning. Emotional reasoning occurs when we make judgments and decisions based solely on our feelings, relying on our emotions or instincts over objective evidence. At the root of this cognitive distortion is the belief that what we feel must be true. If we feel like a loser, then we must be a loser. If we feel incompetent, then we must be incapable. And if we make a mistake, we must be stupid.

Self-Labeling. When we label an individual or group, we reduce them to a single, usually negative, characteristic or descriptor based on a single event or behavior. When we self-label, we sustain our negative self-appraisal. Negative self-labeling supports our sense of incompetence and undesirability, and our subsequent behaviors ostensibly support those labels. 

We are consumed and conditioned by negative words. Some of us use the exact destructive words over and over again. The more we hear, read, or speak a word or phrase, the more power it has over us.

It is not just the words we say out loud in criticism and conversations. The self-annihilating words we silently call ourselves are even more destructive. Would you, in good conscience, say these words to a friend or loved one? If you wouldn’t badmouth someone else, why do it to yourself?

Avoid shouldas and wouldas. Negative absolutes like no one, nobody, nothing, and nowhere substantiate our isolation and avoidance of relationships. Qualifiers such as maybe and perhaps devalue our commitment, while our negative self-appraisal, expressed by can’t, shouldn’t, and won’t, provokes our sense of incompetence and inferiority.

It is prudent to become mindful of and eliminate these types of words from our thoughts and vocabulary.

Self-Appreciation

Self-appreciation is not just about feeling good about ourselves. It’s about actively accelerating our self-improvement journey. By being mindful of our good qualities, efforts, and achievements, we can dramatically reinvigorate our self-esteem. This, in turn, accelerates and consolidates our neural restructuring. 

Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Recognize all the good things you accomplish daily. Appreciate yourself by doing something nice for yourself every day.

We are responsible for our emotional well-being and overall quality of life. We are accountable for rebuilding our self-esteem. Self-esteem is the catalyst for self-appreciation, which in reciprocation consolidates self-esteem.

We take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others. We embrace our worth and potential, championing them in others and making them feel valued and significant. 

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INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly, no-cost Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program.  Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.

Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value,
 consequential, and deserving of happiness.