Recovery from social anxiety and related conditions

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The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.

The Shame of Social Anxiety

Defining Shame

Because of its broad interpretations, shame must be contextually defined by social anxiety. Shame is a highly distressing self-critical emotion caused by our negative self-appraisal and sense of self-worth. Due to social anxiety’s attributions, it is the conclusion that something is wrong with us.

Externally, we are defined by prejudice and misinformation. Public opinion, the media, and mental health stigma contribute significantly to our negative self-evaluation. Internally, we feel shame for our susceptibility to our condition (albeit unwarranted) and for experiencing our symptoms. 

Like our fears and apprehensions, we can alleviate shame by identifying and invalidating its causes.

First, we are not responsible for its onset because susceptibility occurs before we cognitively comprehend the causes. Second, if we are experiencing it, then we are subject to its symptoms in some form or another. Where is the shame in that?

Although they correlate and coexist, shame is not the same as guilt. Guilt is the response to doing something wrong, such as remorse for hurting someone. On the other hand, shame is the perception of being wrong, such as feeling unworthy or inadequate. Understanding this distinction can help us navigate our emotions more effectively.  

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)   

Shame and Social Anxiety

Shame can be painful and incapacitating. It can make us feel powerless and acutely diminished. When we feel shame, we want to hide and become invisible. We withdraw from the world and avoid human connectedness. Shame is a prevailing symptom of our social anxiety, and feeling shame aggravates our condition. Until we rationally respond, we remain caught in an endless cycle of shame that alienates our emotional well-being.

However, treating shame as an unhealthy emotion without considering the positive aspects of the experience is a missed opportunity for emotional growth. Feeling shame is a natural component of being human. It can be revealing, cathartic, and motivational, promoting growth and self-awareness. 

One of the positive aspects of shame is our moral recognition and analysis of right or wrong. For example, feeling shame after realizing we’ve hurt someone can motivate us to make amends and improve our behavior. 

What is unhealthy is feeling shame for feeling shame.  It’s crucial to accept our shame and resolve it without adding insult to injury.

Social anxiety is a common, universal, and indiscriminate experience, impacting roughly one in four adolescents and adults. This knowledge can normalize the experience and reduce shame, making us feel less isolated and more understood.

While we are not responsible for the susceptibility and onset of our condition, feeling shame is justifiable in our unwillingness to do something about it. The onus of recovery is on us, empowering us to take control of our journey.

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Defense Mechanisms

It is common for individuals experiencing social anxiety to go to enormous lengths to remain ignorant of SAD’s destructive capabilities as if, by ignoring them, they do not exist or will somehow go away. We hide behind defense mechanisms such as denial (refusing to acknowledge the problem), compensation (overachieving in other areas to mask the anxiety), and projection (attributing our anxiety to others).

Notwithstanding, none of these defense mechanisms, designed to protect us from our fears and anxieties, are effective in the long term. Irrational thought patterns perpetuate our anxiety and depression. Rather than justifying our toxic thoughts and behaviors, they reinforce them.

The shame (and guilt) of knowing that we can dramatically mitigate that which has made our lives unbearable, yet we refuse to acknowledge our condition or take advantage of recovery, is untenable. Resistance, subconscious or otherwise, propagates our shame and other negatively valenced emotions. Rather than protecting us, it aggravates our negative neural feedback.

Negatively Valenced Emotions

‘Valanced’ is a psychological term that characterizes specific emotions that adversely affect our daily lives. When left unresolved, these adverse emotions, including shame, guilt, and resentment, not only negatively impact our psychological and physiological health but also hinder our social well-being and obstruct recovery. It’s crucial to address these emotions to avoid further damage. 

Unresolved Shame is Reckless

Holding onto shame is not just a burden; it’s reckless. It’s a sign that we’re not prioritizing our emotional well-being and quality of life. We have the power to change, but if we choose not to, we’re only hurting ourselves.

The dichotomy we find ourselves in is that social anxiety disorder compels us to view ourselves as helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless. That is its function and how it sustains itself. However, if we take steps to confront these attributions, we reclaim our power and control, feeling empowered and in charge of our recovery journey.

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Blaming

Blaming is a cognitive distortion that shifts the focus away from assuming responsibility. Social anxiety paints an inaccurate picture of the self in the world with others. Recognizing how we use cognitive distortions as subconscious strategies to avoid facing certain truths is crucial to recovery. SAD drives our illogical thought patterns. Years of self-reproach for our negative thoughts and behaviors can be overwhelming.

Understanding the dynamics of external and internal blaming in social anxiety disorder can bring a profound sense of relief. The compulsion to blame others occurs when the self-destructive nature of our shame, guilt, and resentment becomes unmanageable to our consciousness. Trapped within social anxiety’s cycle of pejorative self-appraisal, we see ourselves as victims. A victim needs someone or something to blame.

External Blaming

External blaming is when we hold others accountable for things that are our responsibility. For instance, we might blame a friend for not inviting us to a social event, when in reality, our social anxiety prevented us from attending. This is a form of external blaming.

Our defense mechanisms impel us to hold others responsible for what we are unable or unwilling to manage emotionally. We convince ourselves that others are responsible for the traits and symptoms of our condition. We seek external accountability rather than accepting responsibility for our actions. Example: We fail an exam and blame it on the alleged bias of the instructor rather than taking responsibility for not studying.

We displace or project our anger and frustration onto others or cognitively distort our perspective to justify our toxic thoughts and behaviors. Rather than accept the reality of our symptoms, we hold ourselves, relationships, parents, and higher powers responsible. Only by responding and reacting rationally, can we regain control.

Internal Blaming

Individuals experiencing SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem than healthy controls. Explicit self-esteem is measured by what we say about ourselves. Implicit self-esteem is gauged by automatic responses, such as how we associate favorable or unfavorable words and feelings with ourselves.

Our sense of inadequacy and inferiority compels us to overcompensate by taking on responsibility for situations or circumstances that do not necessarily implicate us. A dinner guest seems less than enthusiastic. Rather than considering reasonable alternatives, we blame it on our cooking or hosting skills. If our roommate has a personal issue, we immediately attribute it to something we said or did.

Especially pervasive in social anxiety disorder, self-blaming is a highly toxic form of emotional self-abuse. Even when mindful that we bear no responsibility for its origins, we tend to blame our behaviors on perceived character deficiencies and shortfalls rather than the symptoms of our disorder. We blame ourselves for our lack of commitment or failure to follow through. We blame ourselves for our inability to achieve our goals and objectives.

SAD thrives on our self-disparagement. Our symptoms cause us to self-characterize as stupid, incompetent, or unattractive. We blame ourselves when we avoid interacting out of fear of rejection. We convince ourselves that our opinions are irrelevant and that our social skills are deplorable.

Committing to Recovery

Recovery and self-empowerment necessitate shedding our negative self-perspectives, expectations, and beliefs. It’s about opening our minds to new ideas and concepts. When we cling to shame, we’re trapped in the past and our negative self-beliefs. But when we release these burdens, we liberate ourselves and pave the way for a brighter, more hopeful future.

Recovery Goal and Objectives

Committing to recovery is a monumental task that demands immense courage and strength. It’s a realization that we are valuable, consequential, and deserving of happiness. Social anxiety, with its relentless and manipulative nature, often tries to thwart this commitment. But when we muster the courage to dedicate ourselves to recovery, we reclaim our power, and SAD loosens its grip on us.

The primary goal of recovery from social anxiety is the mitigation of our irrational fears and anxieties. We achieve this through a three-pronged approach.

1. Replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones.
2. Produce rapid, concentrated positive stimulation to offset the abundance of negative information in our brain’s metabolism.
3. Regenerate our self-esteem and reintegrate into society through mindfulness and reinforcement of our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.

Unresolved shame impedes these objectives. Rather than alleviating our fears and anxieties, it exacerbates them. Shame adds to our neural pattern of negativity rather than mitigating it. Instead of regenerating our self-esteem, it erodes it.

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INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is missed in group activities is provided in our monthly, no-cost Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program.  Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.

Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value,
consequential, and deserving of happiness.