Recovery from Social Anxiety and Related Conditions

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

For each new subscriber, ReChanneling donates $25 for workshop scholarships.

“This is one of the best books I’ve read about social anxiety disorder and how to recover from it.” – P. J. Gudka, author of Perfect and All the Words I Kept Inside.” (Amazon)

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Upcoming Seminar

October 14, 2026

Reviews

To contribute to customer reviews on Amazon, you must have spent at least $50 on Amazon.com using a valid credit or debit card in the past 12 months. 

If you don’t have a Kindle and find the $16.99 price of the paperback out of reach, the publisher allows me to email a copy of the book to anyone willing to post a review. Just reach out to me at rmullenphd@gmail.com, and I will send you a copy.

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CONTROL FALLACIES

Cognitive Distortion

Do you believe that everything that happens around you is your fault, or do you feel powerless and unable to change anything? These questions touch on the cognitive distortion known as the control fallacy.

A fallacy is an inaccurate belief based on unreliable evidence or unsound arguments. The control fallacy specifically refers to the degree of control we believe we have over situations, life events, and the feelings and actions of others.

We believe we control things for which we are not accountable, or we are convinced that fate or other people control our behaviors and circumstances.

External Control Fallacy

The external control fallacy occurs when we convince ourselves that outside forces dominate our lives, especially when certain conditions or emotions seem unmanageable or when we feel incapable or unwilling to take responsibility for them.

For instance, delinquents might blame their parents, philanderers might blame their wives, or a student might falsely blame an instructor’s bias for a failing grade.

When we feel externally controlled, we tend to perceive ourselves as weak and impotent. This sense of powerlessness then leads to self-blame for our perceived ineptitude or to blaming others for their inadequate or disappointing decisions that adversely impact us. This mindset leads to feelings of being stuck, such as in a dead-end job or relationship.

Believing that we cannot change these situations leads to the ‘why bother syndrome‘, in which we assume that no matter what we do, the outcome will be the same, so we stop trying altogether. When we believe we lack the power to manage our own lives, we feel helpless, which inevitably leads to hopelessness.

Externally Controlling Social Anxiety

The biggest myth about external control is social anxiety. Once I understood how it manipulated me, I saw my youthful mistakes—my substance abuse, anger, confusion, and job struggles—as connected to my condition. Once I learned to manage my social anxiety, I was able to take responsibility for my actions. The same will happen to you.

Perceived Versus Actual Control

Social anxiety has such a strong influence that it shapes our irrational thoughts and behaviors, weakens our social skills, and blocks our ability to form relationships. This intense feeling of external control can make SAD seem all-powerful, dictating our every move.

However, true understanding comes through learning and unlearning. That’s when we realize that believing our condition controls us is a mistake. Social anxiety doesn’t have independent power over our lives. We let it influence us through ignorance or by avoiding confrontation and challenges.

Internal Control Fallacy

On the other hand, the internal control fallacy happens when we unjustifiably assume responsibility for others’ actions and situations. We think that if something goes wrong in someone else’s life, it must be our fault, even when there’s no reason to believe so. Our irrational mindset pushes us to feel responsible for others’ experiences and to blame ourselves for their struggles and unhappiness.

Taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings or situation can cause us to blame ourselves for not fixing the problem. This guilt harms our relationships and raises our anxiety. Familiar thoughts might be, “It’s my fault my wife is unhappy,” or “He drinks because I don’t appreciate him.”

Such irrational thoughts seriously damage our self-esteem.

Our compulsion to blame ourselves for our condition, despite evidence to the contrary, is an internal control fallacy best left by the emotional roadside.

Breaking Free from Control Fallacies

Control fallacies involve wrongly blaming others or misattributing fault. Common sense tells us to take responsibility for our own actions, not for others’. Unfortunately, social anxiety isn’t governed by logic. We need to recognize when we fall into either form of this cognitive distortion and challenge it rationally.

Recognizing our misuse of control fallacies can be freeing, helping us understand why we feel compelled to control others or let others control us.

Recommended Books from Clients and Subscribers (add yours)

“What I found especially compelling is that your approach appears to come not only from professional understanding, but from lived experience. The fact that you have personally faced severe social anxiety and built a recovery framework from that experience gives the book a level of authenticity that readers are likely to find both reassuring and credible.” – James Blackstone

“I am simply in awe at the writing, your insights, your deep knowing of transcendence, your intuitive understanding of psychic-physical pain, your connection of the pain to healing, your concept/title, and above all, your innate compassion.” – Janice Parker, PhD