The primary distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder lies in the severity of symptoms. Not everyone is affected in the same way, as the intensity and persistence of symptoms vary widely from person to person. Although the characteristics and traits of these conditions may appear similar across individuals, each person’s experience is shaped by a unique combination of environment, life experiences, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.
Additionally, it is important to recognize that comorbidities—other mental health conditions that occur alongside social anxiety—are highly prevalent. This underscores the complexity of these anxiety disorders. As such, effective recovery strategies must address not only social anxiety but also its related conditions. Throughout this book, when recovery methods are discussed for social anxiety, social phobia, and social anxiety disorder, they are intended to apply to all three.
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Perfectionism and Unreasonable Expectations
Poor self-analysis compels us to overcompensate. Perfectionism is a byproduct of overcompensation. Perfectionism leads us to set unreasonable expectations.
None of us is perfect; we all have aspects we hide, fearing they may make us appear defective or inadequate. Ostensibly, we conceal these perceptual shortcomings or justify them through defense mechanisms such as repression and projection. Or we displace our anger, deny our faults, and rationalize our actions.
Living with persistent negative self-appraisal is emotionally destabilizing. People experiencing social anxiety crave connection with others, but fears of intimacy and rejection make it challenging to initiate, develop, and maintain healthy relationships. These insecurities compel us to create defense mechanisms to justify our avoidance.
Defense Mechanisms
Defense mechanisms are short-term psychological coping mechanisms that safeguard unresolved threats to our emotional well-being. They excuse the irrational thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that our conscious minds are currently unwilling or unable to manage.
Without coping mechanisms, healthy or otherwise, we risk decompensation—the inability or unwillingness to develop effective psychological alternatives to the symptoms of our condition, which can lead to personality disturbances or disintegration.
Nonetheless, defense mechanisms can be healthy tools for managing trauma and other distressful thoughts and behaviors until we are ready to resolve them.
Compensation
Compensation is a defense mechanism in which we overachieve in one area of our lives to compensate for perceived defects in another. For instance, someone who feels socially inadequate might become a performer, while a teenager may excel in sports to offset learning difficulties.
Compensation can be a powerful tool for personal growth when used appropriately. We counter negative thoughts and behaviors by replacing them with positive, productive ones. We compensate for low self-esteem by acknowledging our strengths, virtues, and achievements.
Overcompensation
Because we want to mitigate the pain of experiencing our condition as swiftly as possible, we overcompensate. We push the envelope. Overcompensation, especially when unconscious, often leads to adverse consequences such as burnout, strained relationships, and missed opportunities.
Moderation, as always, is the key.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Perfectionism
Overcompensation, a struggle many of us can relate to, often leads to the trap of perfectionism, which is not merely a desire to do well but a need to be flawless. Anything less feels unsatisfactory. Perfectionism is widespread among individuals experiencing social anxiety.
As perfectionists, we overreact when our expectations are unmet. We struggle to move forward when things do not go as planned. Research shows that individuals experiencing social anxiety have lower implicit and explicit self-esteem compared to healthy individuals. Perfectionists tend to experience higher levels of anxiety and lower levels of psychological well-being.
To a perfectionist, anything less than perfect is catastrophic. We often engage in polarized thinking, viewing situations in extremes. Our colleagues are either for us or against us. The world is black or white, with no room for compromise. We see ourselves as either exceptional or failures.
A Parallel Relationship
Perfectionism and social anxiety often go hand in hand.
Perfectionists and people with SAD tend to avoid situations that might lead to failure or embarrassment. We fear saying or doing something inappropriate, being criticized, or facing negative evaluations. These apprehensions only intensify our self-criticism and defensiveness.
Our critical nature and fear of rejection often lead us to isolate ourselves, which affects our ability to connect with others and maintain satisfying relationships.
Our perfectionism drives us to set unreasonable expectations, such as performing flawlessly, never making mistakes, and always being in control. These expectations are often impossible to achieve, resulting in further feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.
Reasonable Expectations
An expectation is a strong emotional belief that something will happen in the future. When we set expectations, we become invested in the outcome. But what happens if our expectations are unmet? We psychologically attach ourselves to them because we have a stake in the result. In our minds, we perceive our expectations as happening. When things don’t go as planned, we typically respond with anger and disappointment.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Unmet Expectations
Disappointment is a powerful emotion. Experts describe the reaction to disappointment as a form of sadness – an expression of desperation or grief due to loss. While it’s true that we can’t lose what we never had, setting an unreasonable expectation makes it feel real, and we experience the loss intensely. This feeling can lead to depression, self-loathing, and symptoms associated with perfectionism and social anxiety.
How do we set reasonable expectations when our perfectionism demands the brass ring? It is human nature to aspire to excellence.
Determine Expectations Early On
Setting expectations carefully in advance allows us to plan strategies and coping mechanisms to help meet them. Expectations should be rational, reasonable, achievable, and constructive. For instance, an unreasonable expectation at a networking event would be to find the job of our dreams. On the other hand, a reasonable expectation could be to hand out our business card to a potential contact.
Going to a social event expecting to form a lasting relationship is also unrealistic. A more reasonable expectation would be to meet people who share similar interests.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
No matter how reasonably we set them, our expectations will occasionally be partially or wholly unmet. We may need to modify them to accommodate the situation, more practice, or an extension of our planned timeframe.
Reasonable expectations require flexibility. While we control our reactions and responses to situations, we are subject to external factors over which we have no control. This is part of the learning process. By reframing our perspective, we learn to recognize the positive aspects of experience.
Be Mindful of Distorted Thinking
People experiencing social anxiety are highly susceptible to cognitive distortions and other defense mechanisms. Recognizing, understanding, and accepting the self-destructive nature of these and other defense mechanisms is essential to recovery. This can be achieved through therapy, self-reflection, and mindfulness practices.
We can only reasonably set expectations for ourselves. Setting expectations of others will result in frustration and disappointment because we have no control over their outcome. It is called self-esteem, not other-esteem. We only have jurisdiction over subjective expectations.
Self-Appreciation
Self-appreciation is recognizing and enjoying our qualities and achievements. For every positive attempt or interaction, congratulate yourself. You deserve to experience the pride and satisfaction that accompany such efforts fully. Always be kind to yourself.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. If we are foolishly determined to fly, our wings will melt and hurl us back to earth. Reasonable expectations will keep us on the ground.
Recovery is a life’s work in progress. There is no absolute cure for social anxiety, no magic pill, but by practicing recovery tools over time, we experience an exponential and dramatic moderation of our symptoms. The key is always progress over perfection.
Perfectionism is a byproduct of overcompensation. Perfectionism leads us to set unreasonable expectations.
Reasonable expectations align our projections with the probability of success.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, regardless of its size, supports individuals who strive to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals who are uneasy in group settings. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.
Coping Strategies
Excerpts from our upcoming book, A Tough Love, Common Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety, currently in final editing.
A coping strategy is a technique we use to manage stress and negative emotions. It’s crucial to understand that there are both constructive (adaptive) and destructive (maladaptive) ways to cope with stress. Choosing adaptive strategies can significantly improve our mental and emotional well-being.
Adaptive coping strategies include relaxation and breathing techniques, rational coping statements, and exercise, which are healthy and supportive. Unhealthy or maladaptive coping strategies, such as substance abuse, negative verbal outbursts, and avoidance due to fear, can be harmful to the entire body system, causing mental, physical, and emotional distress.
Many people confuse unhealthy coping strategies with defense mechanisms. Both are meant to protect our emotional health from threats. However, defense mechanisms are usually unconscious reactions to unmanageable stress, while maladaptive coping strategies are intentional, like procrastination, codependence, or self-harm.
There are various types of coping strategies; some are listed here. Some of the more effective ones for recovery include:
Active or problem-solving strategies aid in identifying and solving problems that cause stress, such as seeking professional help, grounding, cognitive reframing, and many of the approaches we will utilize in our upcoming fear situation plan. This plan is a structured approach to facing and managing our fears in specific situations, providing step-by-step guidance and tools to help us cope effectively.
Accommodative coping strategies demonstrate how to set reasonable expectations and establish boundaries, which are like a safety net that protects us from overwhelming stress. These strategies, covered later in this chapter, provide a sense of security and control in our lives.
Emotional coping strategies help us regulate and control our emotions. Behavioral strategies include stress-reducing activities such as gardening, hiking, and going to the gym. Cognitive strategies help us change our irrational perspectives and thought patterns.
Let’s discuss the two major clinical approaches we use in recovery to develop the most effective coping strategies for specific problems or situations: cognitive-behavioral therapy and positive psychology.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive-behavioral therapy examines the significant relationships among our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, aiming to transform our negative self-appraisals into more productive, rational thoughts and behaviors. It is a corrective and rehabilitative process based on the concept that our thoughts determine our feelings and behaviors. By identifying their origins and validity, we engage strategies to challenge and overcome them.
Social anxiety distorts our perceptions of reality. As we recover, we learn to recognize that our problems, such as feeling constantly judged or fearing social situations, are primarily based on learned patterns of irrational thinking. CBT equips us with knowledge of the sources of these patterns and develops problem-solving skills and coping strategies to address them, instilling a strong sense of self-assurance as we take control of our mental health.
As previously stated, a one-size-fits-all solution cannot adequately address the complexity of the human experience. When utilized with complementary methods such as positive psychology and self-esteem-specific exercises, CBT is an effective support tool for recovery from SAD. This individualized approach ensures that each person’s unique needs and experiences are understood and addressed, fostering a sense of being valued and respected throughout the recovery process.
Positive Psychology
Positive psychology, with its focus on character strengths, virtues, and attributes, is a potent tool for reclaiming and rebuilding our self-esteem. It empowers us to become aware of and utilize our dominant, positive traits, gradually counteracting the years of negative self-appraisal caused by our social anxiety.
The first wave of positive psychology, which originated in the late 1990s, focused on our potential well-being by emphasizing our strengths, virtues, attributes, and positive experiences. By nurturing these assets, we can reclaim and rebuild our self-esteem, reintegrate into society, and ultimately improve our overall life satisfaction. This wave laid the foundation for the subsequent developments in positive psychology.
Positive Psychology 2.0
Positive Psychology 2.0, in recognizing the dialectical nature of human experience, emphasizes the importance of considering both the positive and negative aspects of our character. This balanced perspective is crucial for healing and advancement, fostering a sense of balance and self-awareness, and leading to a deeper understanding of ourselves.
Positive Psychology 3.0
The latest wave of positive psychology (3.0) has expanded research beyond the individual to include relationships, groups, and organizations, examining how our character and values influence society and how society influences our character and values.
PP 3.0 supports our final objective of reclaiming and rebuilding self-esteem as we reintegrate into society. This wave represents a shift towards a more holistic understanding of positive psychology, considering not only individual well-being but also the broader societal impact of positive character traits and values.
Positive psychology plays a vital role in our recovery. It helps us rediscover and identify our strengths and attributes, which have been dismissed or superseded by our social anxiety.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Reframing
A core CBT tool is cognitive reframing, which helps us identify, challenge, and replace distorted thought patterns with healthier, positive perspectives. Reframing helps us develop a more positive view of ourselves, others, and the world, alleviating the symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Reframing is a versatile cognitive technique that can be applied in various situations. It prompts us to shift a negative perspective into a positive one. For instance, we can reframe a problem or issue as a challenge or opportunity. We can defuse an argument by considering the other person’s perspective. Similarly, when faced with a difficult task at work, we can reframe the frustration as an opportunity to learn and grow. When stuck in traffic, we can reframe it as a chance to listen to our favorite podcast or audiobook.
In each of these situations, reframing helps us develop a more positive view of ourselves, others, and the world, thereby alleviating the symptoms of anxiety and depression
During a snowstorm, we can feel trapped and despondent, or we can take out the sleds and ice skates and make the most of the day.
Experts agree that reframing is crucial for emotional well-being.
Every situation has multiple perspectives. While we cannot control everything that happens around us, we can manage how we react and respond. We possess the inherent ability to choose how we view people and situations. If given the option to select emotional well-being over anxiety and depression, it is illogical not to seize that opportunity.
Childhood disturbances, negative core and intermediate beliefs, and adverse self-appraisal have rooted themselves in our minds like squatters resisting eviction. Moreover, we are exposed to ongoing cynical input from external sources, including misleading media, adverse public opinion, stigma, and disinformation. Overcoming negative thinking can be a significant challenge.
Reframing is not just an abstract commitment to changing every negative thought or situation into a positive one. Multiple strategies support our efforts to replace disagreeable prospects with a more favorable perspective.
Through these strategies, we create a more nuanced and balanced perspective that encourages positivity, growth, and resilience. A key component of this process is emotional self-regulation, which is the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in ways that are healthy and productive.
It’s about being aware of our emotions, understanding what triggers them, and choosing how to respond in a way that aligns with our values and goals. By practicing emotional self-regulation, we reduce the frequency and severity of our adversarial perspectives.
Grounding
This involves intentionally shifting our attention away from anxiety-provoking thoughts or worries by focusing on what surrounds us in our present environment. Grounding techniques help us break free from the grip of traumatic memories or sensations by redirecting our emotional distress into a conscious awareness of the present. When anxiety or stress threatens to overwhelm us, we reframe our focus away from our triggers and other discomforting situations.
The 5-4-3-2-1 method is a practical and accessible grounding technique. It encourages us to connect with one or more of our five senses to anchor ourselves to our physical environment. This practicality makes it easy to remember and apply in various situations.
For instance, if we’re feeling overwhelmed at work, we can take a moment to focus on the click-clack of our typing, the visuals of our computer screen, the reassuring aroma of our cologne, the bitter taste of our coffee, or the sensation of our ergonomic chair against our back. Our anxiety takes a back seat to our senses, and we become more capable of managing our emotions.
For some of us, performing the entire 5-4-3-2-1 sequence is cumbersome. Focusing on one or two senses is just as effective, making the process more manageable.
The vagus nerve is a network of fibers that regulates heart rate, respiration, mood, and stress responses. A significant component of our parasympathetic nervous system, the vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the body, running from our brainstem to the abdomen, and it plays a crucial role in deactivating the fight-or-flight responses.
Other effective grounding methods, such as progressive muscle relaxation and controlled breathing, stimulate the vagus nerve to slow our heart rate and breathing, which also moderates the level of our stress response.
A common symptom of social anxiety is the persistent worry that others will become aware of our condition by observing specific physical reactions such as blushing, hyperventilating, sweating, trembling, or vocal tremors. Grounding reduces our fear of visibility by refocusing our attention on the immediate environment and our presence in it.
Visualization
Visualization involves creating mental images to counteract fear situations, reduce anxiety, and boost performance and confidence. By visualizing a positive experience, we reframe our worst-case scenario projections. For instance, if we feel overly anxious before a public speaking event, visualizing a successful presentation in detail helps us replace negative thoughts and behaviors with healthier, productive ones.
The same activity benefits any fear situation by replacing a negative outlook with a positive, productive one.
All information passes through our brain’s thalamus, which makes no distinction between inner and outer realities. Whether we imagine an action or physically perform it, the same neural regions are activated.Visualizing raising our left hand is, to our brain, the same as physically raising it, providing similar neural benefits.
Visualization is a scientifically supported toolthat helps us manage anxiety and fear. It activates our dopaminergic reward system, decreasing the neurotransmission of anxiety- and fear-provoking hormones and accelerating and consolidating the transmission of beneficial hormones.
This dynamic tool helps manage anxiety and fear by activating our dopaminergic reward system, which releases dopamine—the neurotransmitter linked to pleasure and reward. When activated, it reduces the transmission of anxiety-inducing hormones and speeds up the release of beneficial ones.
Additionally, when we visualize, our brain generates alpha waves, which can significantly lessen symptoms of anxiety and depression, making us feel calmer and less stressed.
Research indicates that visualizing a situation beforehand not only improves mental and physical skills but also enhances social abilities. By consciously creating positive scenarios, we can significantly improve social interaction and increase our chances of success in real-life situations.
Since a key goal of visualization is to replace or overcome negative patterns with positive outcomes, it is important to visualize detailed, positive scenarios f situations where we tend to project worst-case outcomes.
Setting Boundaries
One of the best ways to avoid a potential threat is not to put ourselves in that situation in the first place. We do that by establishing boundaries.
Boundaries are the standards of treatment we believe we are entitled to and are comfortable with. They define which behaviors towards us are acceptable or unacceptable and shield us from invasions of our space, feelings, limitations, and expectations. They allow us to assert our identity, empower our goals and objectives, and prevent others from manipulating, exploiting, or taking advantage of us. Boundaries give us the power to shape our lives, instilling a profound sense of control and confidence.
Our social anxiety has a profound effect on our ability to express ourselves and hold others accountable. Our fear of criticism and rejection can lead to obsessive concern about how people evaluate us. And our yearning for acceptance often overshadows our need to set conditions for our own security and happiness. The fear of upsetting or distancing others can inhibit our ability to set boundaries.
It’s not uncommon for us to create codependent relationships where one partner prioritizes the other’s needs over their own, maintaining excessive emotional reliance on their partner. In these dysfunctional situations, our low self-esteem and craving for approval can lead us to attach ourselves to controlling or manipulative individuals, becoming dependent on them for a sense of worth.
Relationship Boundaries
Our social impotence often leads us to believe that setting boundaries hinders our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. We fear asserting ourselves will lead to rejection and isolation, and think that setting boundaries will only aggravate our loneliness. Rather than saying no, we often overextend ourselves and prioritize others’ needs above our own, which can leave us feeling inferior, resentful, and exploited.
Learning to say no, however, brings a profound sense of relief, easing the tendency to put others’ needs before our own and lightening our emotional load.
Boundaries serve as the foundation of all healthy relationships. They don’t distance us from others but bring us closer by clearly defining our needs and wants. By setting boundaries, we encourage open communication, ensuring we live in alignment with our values while respecting those of others, fostering a deep sense of connection and understanding.
Social Anxiety’s Impact on Boundaries
Our obsession with perfection consistently reminds us of our insecurities. Our symptomatic negative self-analysis provokes those core beliefs of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness.
The long and short of it is that we want to be loved, but we don’t believe we are because we think we are unworthy. In pursuing perfectionism, we become consummate enablers and codependents, compensating for our feelings of inadequacy. We seek affirmation and appreciation, yet we allow ourselves to be bullied and taken advantage of.
Boundaries not only establish the standard of treatment we believe we are entitled to, but they also empower us to assert our rights. Like fences that provide us with privacy and help us feel safe, boundaries protect our emotional and mental well-being.
One client who held a degreeless job in the college system felt intimidated and frustrated at social events where everyone discussed their academic accomplishments and publications. He simply set a boundary with his employer, where he would not be required to attend these sessions. It may seem like an insignificant demand, but it helped him maintain his sense of self-esteem and value to the institution.
Setting boundaries can be particularly daunting for those grappling with issues of self-worth. However, there are strategies we can employ to prioritize our needs and avoid feelings of inferiority, resentment, and loneliness.
Let’s focus on eight types of boundaries that we should consider establishing.
Physical boundaries include the autonomy of our bodies and personal space. Healthy boundaries establish our comfort zone. We might say, ‘I prefer not to hug people,’ to set a physical boundary. ‘It’s a personal choice,’ or ‘It’s a cultural thing.’
Intellectual boundaries comprise our ideas, beliefs, and thoughts. A thoughtful boundary also respects others’ boundaries. Dismissing or belittling ideas, beliefs, thoughts, and opinions about us invalidates our intellectual boundary. If we disagree, it’s better to say, ‘I appreciate your opinion, but I don’t fully support it,’ or ‘Let’s agree to disagree.’
Our feelings and personal details are part of our emotional boundaries. When someone criticizes, minimizes, or shares our feelings or personal information without our permission, they violate these boundaries, leading to feelings of betrayal, loss of trust, and emotional distress.
Material boundaries refer to our financial resources and possessions. When we feel pressured to lend or give things away or to spend money when we prefer not to, our boundaries for financial resources and belongings are breached. One effective response might be, ‘I’m on a tight budget. I prefer to share expenses this evening.’
Internal boundaries support self-regulation. Occasionally, we prioritize the energy we expend upon others over our personal needs. This is especially relevant to our desire for acceptance and companionship. When someone attempts to invade our internal boundaries, an acceptable response might be, ‘I’ve been working all week. I need time to recoup and spend quality time with myself. I’ll call you tomorrow.’
Conversational boundaries establish topics we may or may not feel comfortable discussing. Money, religion, and politics easily fall within this category. So, an adequate response to someone infringing on these boundaries might be, ‘ I am uncomfortable discussing this and would rather not be part of this conversation.’
Maintaining healthy time boundaries can be challenging as we juggle a job, relationships, children, and other responsibilities. These boundaries are crossed when others make unreasonable demands or requests for our time and attention. We overextend ourselves by taking on more than we can handle. Establishing time boundaries early avoids miscommunication. ‘I can only stay for half an hour. I have another commitment later this afternoon.’
Sexual boundaries protect our intimate personal space. When someone pressures us into unwanted or unwarranted intimacy, touching, or sexual activity, or when someone expresses hostility toward our choices, they invade our sexual boundaries.
We establish and maintain healthy boundaries when we:
Retain the ability to decline anything we don’t want to do.
Express our feelings responsibly.
Talk about our shared experiences freely and honestly.
Set our boundaries in the moment.
Address problems directly with the person involved rather than with a third party.
Make our expectations clear. It is irrational to assume people will figure them out.
Can say ‘no’ comfortably and accept when someone else says ‘no.’
Communicate our wants and needs clearly.
Honor and respect the needs of others without compromising our own.
Respect the values and beliefs of others even if they conflict with our own.
Unhealthy Boundaries
Where unhealthy boundaries exist, safety in the relationship is compromised, leading to dysfunctional relationships where needs remain unmet. Here are some examples of times we failed to set appropriate boundaries. When we:
Find it challenging to say ‘no’ or have difficulty accepting ‘no’ from others.
Neglect to communicate our needs and wants clearly.
Easily compromise our personal values, beliefs, and opinions to satisfy others.
Become coercive or manipulative to persuade others to do something they don’t want.
Overshare personal information.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is about being transparent about our expectations and creating a safe and respectful space where needs are met. It requires good communication skills that convey clarity and assertiveness, ensuring that our interests are valued and that we are in control of our lives.
Assertiveness is a key component of setting healthy boundaries. It’s not about making demands, but about expressing our feelings openly, respectfully, and without hostility. It’s a communication style that fosters understanding and respect by asserting our needs and priorities.
Here are a few things to consider when we set our boundaries:
Have a Clear Goal. What is the outcome we want to achieve in setting this boundary?
Understand Our Motivations. Why do we need to set this boundary?
Be Courageous. Setting boundaries can have repercussions, such as people becoming defensive, argumentative, or even ending the relationship.
Keep It Simple. Setting boundaries doesN’t have to be complicated. In fact, less is often more when it comes to communicating our boundaries. It’s prudent not to overload the other with too many details.
Be kind to yourself and others. Remember, setting boundaries is not about being biased or manipulative. It’s about respecting yourself and others. So, be thoughtful with your words and actions, and always consider others’ feelings and needs.
Completions
Our need for perfectionism causes us to procrastinate completing tasks because we fear they will not meet our expectations. Our constant fear and worry that we will be criticized or rejected causes us to put off attending social events or scheduling classes. Delaying or postponing things leaves things we need or want to do unfinished, creating self-disappointment and resentment.
Completion is not just about ticking off a task from our to-do list; it’s about achieving a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. It involves taking action, finding resolutions, and achieving fulfillment. When we finally complete tasks, especially those we’ve been procrastinating on, we experience a profound sense of relief and liberation.
Completions create mental space for new learning, ideas, and concepts to emerge. Psychologically, these completions provide a sense of closure, crucial for our emotional well-being.
Experts recommend adding items to an active list whenever a task or idea comes to mind. Sometimes, small projects seem unimportant, causing us to skip listing them and forget about them. Writing down ideas, projects, and other important or productive tasks does two things: it prevents us from forgetting something crucial and frees up our minds for other activities.
I prioritize my tasks using a color-coding system: turquoise for urgent tasks, pink for high-priority projects, and so on. This system helps me stay organized and in control. I review this list regularly to see how well I am managing my tasks.
During recovery, we use graded exposure (systematic desensitization) to address completion anxiety – the fear or discomfort that can happen when facing a task that needs finishing. We start with smaller projects, like cleaning out the garage, weeding the garden, or reconnecting with family members.
These small victories are not insignificant; they are formidable steps to greater accomplishments. Achieving a sense of completion and closure is essential for our emotional health. And it also clears mental space for other pursuits.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
Excerpts from our upcoming book, A Tough Love, Common Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety, currently in final editing.
The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible. – Winston Churchill
This chapter is dedicated to our second recovery objective: to produce rapid, concentrated positive stimulation that offsets the abundance of negative information in our brain’s metabolism. One of the most potent yet often overlooked methods to achieve this transformation is through the use of positive personal affirmations (PPAs).These affirmations have the power to bring about significant and positive changes in our mental landscape.
Our Resistance
Our underestimation of the power of PPAs is largely due to a lack of understanding of the science behind them.Many clients are deterred by misconceptions and new-age associations, which can be overcome by a deeper understanding of the psychological and neurological principles at play.
Positive personal affirmations are self-actualizing tools that counter our negative thoughts and self-appraisals, stimulating the brain regions involved in emotional processing and realignment. PPAs help us focus on goals, challenge negative, self-defeating beliefs, and reprogram our subconscious mind.
PPAs are self-affirming statements that we repeat to ourselves to describe what and who we want to be.
While most refer to PPAs as simply ‘personal affirmations,’ the emphasis on positive helps counter social anxiety’s predictable negative trajectory and adverse self-appraisal.
While the practice of PPAs may seem deceptively simple, our social anxiety often leads us to question even the most reasonable concepts. However, it’s important to remember that the efficacy of PPAs is not determined by their complexity, but by their consistent application.
Opposing new ideas is a natural physiological reaction. Our brain’s inertia senses and repels change, and our basal ganglia resist modifying our behavior patterns. Thus, habits like smoking or gambling are hard to break, and new undertakings like recovery or a new diet are challenging to maintain.
Additionally, we all have a negativity bias that encourages distrust and favors inaction. Like most humans, we are cognitively more receptive to adverse events than to positive ones.
It’s crucial to understand that the effectiveness of PPAs is not just a matter of belief or opinion. It is backed by scientific research, providing concrete evidence of their validity and potential to bring about positive change.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
The Science
Our neural network is a biological system of interconnected brain neurons that screens data. Our brain’s metabolism involves the complex chemical and electrical processes that influence and alter our neural circuitry. Positive neurological stimulation changes the polarity of our neural network from toxic to healthy.
Every human brain has roughly 200 billion neurons that relay electrical signals. Neural stimuli are sensory, i.e., sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. They are mental in the forms of memory, intellect, and intuition; physical in our somatic and physiological reactions; and emotional through images, words, experiences, and so on.
Proactive neuroplasticity helps reshape our neural network. By inputting short, self-affirming, and self-motivating statements as positive, personal affirmations, we influence our brain’s circuitry. The deliberate repetitive neural input (DRNI) of information not only restructures our neural network but also fosters new mindsets and abilities.
Neuroplasticity is not just a theoretical idea but a scientifically proven tool for changing our thoughts and actions. We accelerate and enhance learning (and unlearning) by intentionally guiding our brains to rewire their neural pathways. This process enables us to replace unhelpful motivations and maladaptive behaviors with more productive ones.
Repeating self-motivating statements produces all the benefits of proactive neuroplasticity, including long-term potentiation, increased nerve impulse strength along connecting axons, higher levels of BDNF, and abundant positive neural reciprocation.
Additionally, PPAs decrease the influx of our fear and anxiety-provoking hormones while triggering the release of hormones that produce cognitive viability and productivity.
Information Must Register
Neural information is registered stimuli, i.e., detected (noticed) and recorded. Most stimuli do not register. They are nugatory. Registered information can be positive, negative, or neutral.
When we register information, it activates receptor neurons, which in turn stimulate presynaptic neurons. These neurons then relay the information to postsynaptic neurons, triggering a neural chain reaction involving billions of connected neurons.
Every receipt of registered information engages a receptor neuron to fire. Each firing reshapes and strengthens the axon connections—the pathways neurons use to communicate. The more often they fire, the more neurons are affected, leading to multiple connections between receptor, sensory, and relay neurons, which in turn attract additional neurons.
Powered by repetition, this process accelerates learning by causing neural circuits to intricately form connections, reinforcing and consolidating the neural pathways responsible for processing information. It highlights our ability to shape our learning, productivity, and growth.
Accentuating the Positive
Neurons don’t act by themselves but through circuits that strengthen or weaken their connections based on electrical activity. When multiple neurons wire together, they heighten the activity of the axon pathway. Synaptic connections strengthen when two or more neurons are activated simultaneously.
The repeated and consistent stimulation of postsynaptic (relay) cells, which are the cells that receive signals from the presynaptic cells, increases learning efficiency. As neurons multiply, they amplify the energy carried by information. Energy refers to the size, amount, or degree of transfer during this process.
Neural circuits operate like muscles. The more repetitions, the stronger the connections. Repeated firings enhance and solidify the pathways between neurons, increasing the activity along the axon pathways.
By consciously choosing to input new information, we not only prompt our neural network to restructure but also strengthen and realign neural circuits. This confirms our significant role in shaping our emotional well-being and quality of life by proactively controlling the content of the information we input.
When multiple neurons fire repeatedly, they activate ‘long-term potentiation’, a scientific term that simply means the strengthening of connections between neurons over time. This process leads to higher levels of a protein called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which supports the survival and growth of healthy neurons.
Constructing Our Information
Driven by our intentions andthe content of our information,this process enables us to determine the viability of the information.
To reiterate, our brain only registers information that it detects or notices. Most signals or stimuli we encounter are insignificant, meaning we do not detect them. If our brain does not register information, our receptor neurons remain unstimulated, and the information is inviable.
Changing our habits, removing ourselves from hostile environments, and breaking patterns that hinder our optimal functioning can be difficult. Our deliberate, repetitive neural input (DRNI) of information refers to the intentional and consistent exposure to specific types of information that empowers us to take responsibility for our emotional well-being and quality of life by proactively controlling the content of the information we input.
Since our conscious brain ostensibly processes about 10 bits of data per second of the two billion bits that surround our sensory systems, inputting carefully crafted and relevant information to ensure its noticeability is crucial.
The Most Effective PPAs
The best PPAs are deliberate and tailored to our objectives. Are we confronting the negative thoughts and behaviors associated with our social anxiety? Are we reinforcing the character strengths and virtues that bolster recovery and transformation? And are we concentrating on a specific challenge? What is our ultimate aim, i.e., the personal milestone we aspire to reach? These are the questions that guide the creation of effective PPAs.
By setting clear, specific goals, we significantly enhance the quality of information that supports our desired outcomes. Each deliberate neural input alerts millions of neurons, accelerating and consolidating neural restructuring to offset the abundance of negative information in our brain’s metabolism. This focus on clear goals keeps us on track and enhances our progress.
How can affirmative statements or activities counteract years of negative self-assessment? The transformative power of PPAs is immeasurable. We witness the abundant positive neural reciprocation. We observe the increased activity in the self-processing systems of the cortex. We’re aware of the other scientific benefits of proactive neuroplasticity. We know it works because we see and experience the transformation.
“It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life.” – Nick P.
Criteria
The most authentic and compelling PPAs are constructed using the following seven criteria.
Rational: A primary objective in recovery is to challenge our negative self-appraisals, which arise from core and intermediate beliefs shaped by childhood experiences and our current condition. These beliefs often manifest as automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) that are generally illogical and self-destructive. To counter them, we need to devise a rational response. For instance, if our ANT reflects a fear of ridicule related to social anxiety disorder (SAD), a possible rebuttal could be an affirmation that our opinions and contributions are as valuable as anyone else’s. This rational response enables us to take control of our thoughts and beliefs.
Reasonable: Being sensible in setting achievable expectations is a key to success. Unreasonable means we lack reason, a characteristic of insanity. We can either exercise sound judgment or be misled by cognitive biases. Rejecting our groundless thoughts and behaviors through reasonable and sound responses is necessary. For example, claiming, ‘I will publish my first novel,’ is unreasonable if we choose to remain illiterate. Setting reasonable and achievable expectations creates more realistic and manageable paths to success.
Unconditional: Our commitment to the content of our affirmations must be unwavering. Placing limitations on our commitment by using words like ‘maybe’ and ‘ might’ weakens our resolve. ‘Maybe I will start my diet’ is not a firm commitment. Conditional undertakings originate in doubt and manifest in avoidance. Qualifying or conditional words or statements provide an excuse to procrastinate, obfuscate, and justify our failures. (‘Imight have won if only …’)
Positive. When crafting our affirmations, we must avoid negative words. Instead of saying, ‘I will not be afraid,’ a more empowering statement could be, ‘I will be courageous.’ The use of positive language has the remarkable ability to uplift our spirits and foster an optimistic outlook.
Goal-focused: Knowing our destination is essential; otherwise, our path will be unfocused and aimless. The content of our information should concentrate on alleviating our deficits by recognizing our assets. If we avoid confrontation, an effective PPA would be ‘I will challenge my fears.’
First-Person Present or Future Tense: Recovery is a here-and-now process. Although it leaves its fingerprints on the future, the past is immutable. We have no control over it beyond our response to it. Recovery focuses on the present and its impact on the future.
Our affirmations should be timely and self-affirming, such as ‘I am viable,’ and ‘I have the willpower to succeed.’ Future-oriented affirmations, like ‘I will succeed,’ are equally effective.
Concise: Brief and clearly expressed PPAs are potent and effective. Additionally, they are easily memorized, which is essential as our PPAs evolve and adapt to the momentum of our recovery.
The ongoing self-appraisal of PPAs helps us focus on our goals, challenge negative, self-defeating beliefs, and reprogram our subconscious minds. Over time, we can replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones. PPAs rebuild self-esteem and empower us by teaching us to be more mindful of our character strengths, virtues, and attributes.
Repetition Ennui
Repeating PPAs is not a complex operation, but a manageable and straightforward process.
Notwithstanding, I have yet to work with a client who enjoys the daily repetitive process any more than the recalcitrant teenager likes cleaning their room. Many clients cite the weariness and boredom of repetition as their excuse for their laxness in practicing their PPAs.
Learning is dependent on repetition. It strengthens neural connectivity by consolidating our neural pathways. Long-term potentiation enhances receptivity and memory, as do the neurotransmissions of productive chemical hormones. This underscores the importance of regular PPA practice for significant mental health benefits.
The recommended process is to repeat aloud three self-motivating statements five times, three times a day (or all at once if you prefer), generating forty-five cellular chain reactions. The practice takes three to five minutes out of our day.
Repeating the same mantras multiple times daily may seem mind-numbing and frustrating. Nevertheless, it is a small investment of time for significant mental health benefits.
Many experts recommend we repeat our PPAs in front of a mirror. However, social anxiety generates irrational perceptions of unattractiveness and undesirability, which can devalue the mirror routine, so we perform our PPAs as a verbal/mental exercise.
Each positive neural input impacts millions of neurons as they restructure your neural network to a form conducive to a positive self-image. It decreases the fear and anxiety hormones, including cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine, as our brain transmits GABA for relaxation, dopamine for pleasure and motivation, endorphins for euphoria, serotonin for a sense of well-being, acetylcholine to facilitate learning, glutamate that supports memory, and noradrenaline for concentration.
The Powerof Suggestion
In addition to the benefits of PPAs already enumerated, there is the power of suggestion, a potent force that triggers positive changes in our thoughts and behaviors. This power is deeply rooted in psychology and is attributed to our ‘response expectancies,’ or anticipations of a positive response. These expectations, which we often overlook, play a significant role in the power of suggestion, shaping our reactions and behaviors.
Think of PPAs as transformative tools, like self-fulfilling prophecies, that have the power to restructure our neural network. By intentionally repeating PPAs, we can harness focused neural stimulation to counteract the current abundance of negative information in our brain’s metabolism.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) mitigate symptoms of social anxiety and related conditions and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing neuroscience and psychology including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly, no-cost Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.
Cognitive Reframing Our Social Anxiety
Coping Mechanism
Coping mechanisms are tools that enable us to manage our emotions, alleviate anxiety, and navigate stress. They encompass a wide range of strategies, from learned skills like distractions and visualization to natural responses such as hiking or listening to music.
Cognitive Reframing
A core coping mechanism is cognitive reframing, a CBT tool that helps us identify, challenge, and replace negative or distorted thought patterns with healthier, more life-affirming perspectives. This technique is instrumental in developing a more positive view of ourselves, others, and the world, thereby reducing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress.
For instance, if a social event sparks feelings of inadequacy, we reframe it as an opportunity to enhance our social skills, thereby boosting our confidence and self-esteem.
When we recognize our inherent capacity to choose joy and positivity over despondency and self-pity, it becomes the logical and liberating option for emotional well-being.
Positive reframing induces us to transform a negative situation into a positive one. We identify our adversarial circumstance and determine how we choose to experience, react, and respond to it.
Every Situation Offers Multiple Perspectives
Every situation can be perceived through multiple perspectives. While we cannot control everything that happens, we always have the power to choose how we wish to react and respond. Recognizing this power of choice in managing our emotional well-being is crucial to recovery. If we have the option to choose serenity over anxiety, it is illogical not to seize that opportunity.
We reframe a problem or issue as a challenge or opportunity. We defuse an argument by considering the other person’s perspective. During a snowstorm, we can feel trapped and despondent, or we can take out the sleds and ice skates and enjoy the day. Experts agree that reframing is crucial for mental and emotional health.
While it may appear to be a straightforward solution to our self-destructive thoughts and activities, overcoming negative thinking is challenging for someone experiencing social anxiety. Childhood disturbance, negative core and intermediate beliefs, and adverse self-appraisal have rooted themselves in our minds like squatters resisting eviction.
Moreover, because of our condition, we are unduly influenced by discomforting input from external sources, including cynical and false media, adverse public opinion, stigma, and clinical disinformation.
While positive reframing becomes automatic at some point in our recovery journey, learning the necessary skills for effective coping takes time, but practice, repetition, and deliberation accelerate and consolidate the process.
Multiple Strategies
Reframing is not just an abstract commitment to changing every negative thought or situation into a positive one. Multiple strategies support our resolution to approach the negativity of our condition with favorable perspectives.
Through these strategies, we create a more nuanced and balanced perspective that encourages positivity, growth, and resilience. By practicing emotional self-regulation, which involves recognizing and managing our emotions appropriately, we reduce the frequency and severity of recurring negative perspectives and self-appraisal.
In recovery, we don’t resist our fears; we embrace them. Rather than confronting them, which implies hostility, or challenging them, which signals competition, we recognize and accept all facets of our humanness as a part of resolving our issues.
Whether in pre-recovery, where our fears and anxieties run rampant, or in recovery, where we establish governance, our experiences are part of our being—who we were, who we are, and who we have the potential to be. Reframing negative experiences is not just about control; it’s about instilling hope and fostering transformation. It’s about seeing the potential for growth and change in every experience.
Embracing is not acquiescence, resignation, or condoning. Acquiescence is accepting our condition and doing nothing to change it. Condoning is accepting it even though we know it’s detrimental. Resignation is defeatism.
Embracing our condition is accepting who we are – human beings with character strengths, virtues, attributes, shortcomings, and vulnerabilities. It’s about acknowledging our condition and working towards positive change, rather than allowing it to define us. We embrace our totality, recognizing that our condition is just one aspect of our complex and unique selves.
Social anxiety disorder is ostensibly the most underrated, misunderstood, and misdiagnosed disorder. It sustains itself by compelling irrational thoughts and behaviors. Emotionally, we feel depressed and lonely. Physically, we are subject to trembling, hyperventilation, nausea, fainting, and muscle spasms. Mentally, our thoughts are distorted and illogical. Spiritually, we define ourselves as useless and insignificant.
Because of shame and guilt, we see ourselves as failures. While we remain governed by our social anxiety disorder, we wallow in the cognitive quartet of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness.
Since SAD generally onsets during adolescence, many of us have endured the distress of these negative self-perceptions for decades. Estimates reflect that the majority of us also have depression and are prone to substance abuse. Recovering from social anxiety is a commitment that SAD will do anything to prevent us from making.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Recovery Goal and Objectives
The primary goal of recovery from social anxiety is the moderation of our irrational fears and anxieties. We achieve this process through a three-pronged approach. To:
Replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones.
Produce rapid, concentrated positive stimulation to offset the abundance of negative information in our brain’s metabolism.
Regenerate our self-esteem through positive reinforcement and mindfulness of our assets, utilizing methods targeted toward our individuality.
Each activity in the recovery process is a catalyst for transformation – a rigorous and dramatic change in form and nature. Through proactive neuroplasticity, our neural network changes its form and configuration. Thought and behavior self-modification subverts the destructive nature of our negative self-beliefs. Mindfulness of our character strengths, virtues, and attributes regenerates our self-esteem. Hence, our form and nature have changed.
The Metamorphosis of Recovery
The difference between pre-recovery, when we are overwhelmed by our negative beliefs, and in-recovery, whenwe transform our form and nature, is profound. This metamorphosis is evidence of the power of transformation. We are not the same entity.
Mindfulness of our assets compels us to recognize and embrace the extraordinariness of our lives, self-confirming that we are of value, desirable, and consequential.
There is no absolute cure for social anxiety disorder, but recovery dramatically alleviates its symptoms. Reframing them doesn’t erase our past, memories, or experiences; it enhances them with a new positive perspective. Candid self-awareness, a cornerstone of self-esteem, is crucial. If we can’t understand ourselves, flaws and all, we can’t fully understand others.
Benefits of Recovery
As a behaviorist and expert in recovery, I differentiate the millions of people experiencing social anxiety into two distinct groups: static and dynamic. Static SAD individuals are inactive – stuck in their unhappy condition, unable or unwilling to break the bond of emotional malcontent.
On the other hand, dynamic SAD persons are engaged in constant change, activity, and progress, actively seeking ways to manage their social anxiety and improve their lives.
This contrast between the two states, the dynamic and the static, becomes evident as we break free from the cycle of fear and avoidance of social situations. Being a dynamic SAD individual means taking control of our emotional well-being and quality of life by actively seeking ways to manage our social anxiety.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Characteristics of a Dynamic SAD Person
We lose our sense of hopelessness with a renewed optimism, embracing possibility over inconceivability. We subvert our core sense of helplessness by reanimating our self-reliance and resilience. Our confidence makes us approachable, which mitigates any irrational sense of undesirability.
We rediscover our worth.
This renewed self-awareness, an essential aspect of recovery, opens us to new relationships and opportunities, fostering a more compassionate perspective. This shift in awareness is a powerful tool in our recovery, helping us navigate social situations with greater ease and understanding.
We are curious and adventurous because we are embarking on a journey of discovery. We open our minds to new concepts and tools that guide us through recovery. And we become flexible and adaptable because those are the qualities of someone who fearlessly challenges what lies ahead.
We are creative thinkers because we are now problem solvers. We are risk-takers, ready and willing to do what it takes to heal. And we are energetic and enthusiastic about the change we perceive on the horizon.
A dynamic SAD person is self-empowered to overcome the obstacles that recovery will thrust upon us. We are passionate about transforming our lives.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.
Devising Rational Coping Statements
Coping Mechanisms
Coping mechanisms are tools that enable us to manage our emotions, alleviate anxiety, and navigate stress. They encompass a wide range of strategies, from learned skills like distractions and visualization to natural responses such as hiking or listening to music.
Cognitive coping mechanisms enable us to craft rational responses to irrational thoughts, while behavioral coping mechanisms equip us with the means to adjust our actions.
Among the many coping mechanisms, three stand out for their effectiveness in situations where we anticipate fear—that is, those scheduled in advance that we project will trigger stress and anxiety. These can be single events, such as a job interview or a social gathering, or recurring ones, like a daily or weekly class or work environment.
In contrast, unexpected situations catch us off guard, bringing stress-provoking incidents like a plumbing failure, an unexpected guest, or missing house keys.
Three Effective Coping Mechanisms
The three coping mechanisms are grounding, which involves redirecting our anxiety into present-moment awareness; cognitive reframing, where we consciously choose to see a circumstance in a more positive light; and rational coping statements, which are logical, self-affirming statements aimed at counteracting automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) that arise in fear situations.
Once we have learned and practiced the nuances of cognitive reframing and grounding, we can apply them almost spontaneously, during any fear situation. On the other hand, rational coping statements are most effective when explicitly prepared for an anticipated fear situation.
This writing outlines the process of devising rational coping statements in anticipation of fear-inducing situations. Cognitive reframing and grounding will be covered in the following weeks.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Automatic Negative Thoughts
Automatic negative thoughts (ANTs), also called negative automatic thoughts (NATs), are the immediate, involuntary, anxiety-provoking thoughts that pop into our heads when we are in a fear-inducing situation.
ANTs are irrational assumptions rooted in our negative core and intermediate beliefs, as well as the self-defeating symptoms of our condition. For example, automatic negative thinking during a fear situation might include phrases such as, ‘I will be rejected,’ ‘No one will talk to me,’ ‘I don’t belong here,’ and ‘I am not undesirable.’
By challenging these ANTs with reason and positive self-validation, we can regain control and prevent them from dictating our actions. This is the power of rational coping statements.
Rational Coping Statements
Rational coping statements are logical, self-affirming responses to our situational fears, anxieties, and automatic negative thoughts. For instance, if we are afraid of rejection, a rational coping statement might be, ‘I belong here as much as anyone,’ ‘I am valuable and significant,’ or ‘I am approachable and likeable.’
These statements are designed to directly counteract the negative thoughts and feelings provoked by our negative self-appraisal. Essentially, they are provisional, positive personal affirmations designed for anticipated fear situations.
Rational coping statements are accurate, self-affirming responses to our unreasonable, self-defeating thoughts. Remember, our fears and anxieties are not real. They may feel real, but that is a cognitive distortion called emotional reasoning, which involves forming judgments and decisions based solely on our emotions, disregarding evidence to the contrary.
Anxiety is an abstraction; it has no power on its own. We create and feed it, making it real and giving it strength and power.
The first step in managing our ANTs is to recognize that our fears are not based on facts, but assumptions rooted in our past experiences, imagination, and reactions to perceived threats. A horror flick may stimulate our terrors, but they are alleviated once we leave the movie house. The power of our trepidations lies in our acceptance of them as reality rather than perception.
It’s not the fears that adversely impact our emotional well-being; it’s the things we do to avoid them. Our goal in recovery is to eliminate the anxiety responsible for the expression of the ANT by examining and analyzing its causes. Since the fear is irrational, logic dictates that the corresponding ANT is also. Thoughts such as ‘I don’t belong here’ and ‘I am not welcome’ are subjective projections.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
The following strategy is designed to help us develop rational coping statements to counteract our ANTs.
Steps to Devising Rational Coping Statements
Identify Our Fear Situation
Identify Our Associated Fear(s)
Unmask Our Corresponding ANT(s)
Examine and Analyze the Cause(s) of Our Associated Fear(s) and Corresponding ANT(s)
Generate Rational Coping Statements
Fear Situation
First, we identify the anticipated fear situations that provoke our fears. Where do we feel anxious or fearful? What activities are we engaged in, and what thoughts arise? Is it a networking event, speaking in front of the class, a social engagement, a family dinner, or a trip to the public swimming pool? They’re different for everyone. Most of us have multiple fear situations.
Associated Fears
Next, we unpack the actual fears associated with the fear situation. What is problematic for me during this fear situation? How do I feel (physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually)? What activities are we engaging in? What is being said? What’s the worst outcome we project happening? What might occur?
Corresponding ANTs
Then, we unmask our corresponding ANTs. What do we tell ourselves when triggered? How do we perceive ourselves in these moments? What are our self-defeating responses to these triggers?
Examine and Analyze Our Associated Fears and Corresponding ANTS
We know our fears and ANTs are irrational and self-destructive reflections of our negative self-appraisal. By examining and analyzing the reasons behind them, we view them in the context of the situation. Are they practical? Are they real or false assumptions? How would a confident, self-assured individual respond to them?
Devise Rational Coping Statements
Finally, we devise our rational coping statements. This is a relatively simple process. We respond to our irrational, automatic negative thoughts by devising reasonable, logical, self-supporting, and empowering statements.
Eventually, we will confront our fear situation in real life. This happens once we have resolved and practiced steps 1-5, and after a suitable period of graded exposure. i.e., gradually reducing the intensity of our fears and anxieties in a workshop environment and through external exercises.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
My book on social anxiety is in the editing phase. I have been fortunate to be included in Springer’s latest volume on Love, due this spring (“Social Anxiety’s Failure to Establish, Develop, and Maintain Healthy Relationships”).
Now, it is time to get back on the road. Unfortunately, my recent speaking engagements and monthly discussions have been online, which does not satisfy the booking agencies.
I am currently looking for more speaking engagements. I am particularly interested in presenting at a conference or seminar. If anyone has contacts with organizations seeking speakers on neuroplasticity, recovery from social anxiety, or the other related topics listed below, please let me know. (“rmullenphd@gmail.com”.)
Compensation or stipend is secondary to having the event taped for future work, as it allows me to reach a wider audience and continue my advocacy for mental health.
As always, I am honored by your encouragement and support.
Speaking Engagements
Speaker Workshop Facilitator Author Educator
Director ReChanneling Inc Social Anxiety & Related Conditions
Keynote and WorkshopTopic
Identifying and Alleviating Social Anxiety’s Impact on Productivity and Leadership
How My Recovery from Debilitating Social Anxiety Can Help You JumpStart Your Career
How Neuroplasticity Can Dramatically Alleviate Your Social Anxiety
Related Topics Reclaiming Self-Esteem Overcoming Social Anxiety and Depression Regulating and Replacing Negative Emotions
My mission is to empower you to rediscover your inherent potential, power, and resilience.
Abstract
Statistics tell us that two out of ten people experience anxiety, and half of those suffer from social anxiety. This can manifest in various ways, such as avoiding social situations, feeling constantly judged, or experiencing doubt and confusion. Seventy percent of those also have depression, and far too many turn to substance abuse. In the fast-paced and demanding world of academia and business, these conditions can lead to missed opportunities, decreased performance, and a lack of motivation to thrive in the workplace and classroom. In the words of Aaron Beck, the pioneer of cognitive-behavioral therapy, we feel helpless, hopeless, and worthless.
Our ability to deliberately accelerate and consolidate learning by compelling our brain to repattern its neural circuitry is a powerful tool for change. We possess the inherent power to transform our thoughts and behaviors. We can deliberately compel our brain to repattern its neural circuitry, empowering us to lead a more fulfilling and balanced life.
As someone who has experienced the hardship of social anxiety disorder for the first half of my life, I understand the toll it can take. I was trapped in its vicious cycle of fear and anxiety, restricted from living a ‘normal’ life. My fear of disapproval and rejection compelled me to avoid the life-affirming experiences that connect us with others and the world.
I have spent the last twenty years researching recovery methods and fusing them into workshops, lectures, and publications worldwide. I discovered how to resolve the adverse self-appraisal that disrupts a life of productivity and prosperity. I’m passionate about helping individuals reclaim their strengths, virtues, and achievements and unlock their full potential.
In my speeches and workshops, I share practical strategies and insights for overcoming the doubts and fears of social anxiety to create a mindset of resilience and potential. Drawing upon my own experiences and teachings, I demonstrate how the deliberate, repetitive input (DRNI) of positive information, which involves consistently exposing ourselves to our positive and affirming strengths and abilities, offsets the negative polarity of our neural network caused by adverse core and intermediate beliefs.
Complementary mechanisms replace our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones and regenerate our self-esteem by rediscovering and reinvesting our character assets.
Understanding neuroplasticity, the brain’s continuous adaptation and restructuring to experience and information, is empowering. It’s what makes learning and registering new experiences possible. Our neural network is dynamic and malleable – realigning its pathways and rebuilding its circuits in response to stimuli. This knowledge gives us the power to control our inner narrative and rewrite the story of our lives.
Through my workshops and coaching programs, I empower individuals to recognize that their weaknesses and failures do not define them. Their character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements make them the best they can be. Understanding and appreciating this is a powerful source of motivation and self-worth.
A coalescence of neuroscience and psychology captures the diversity of human thought and experience. Through interactive exercises and group discussions, participants learn practical techniques for managing their thoughts and emotions, building resilience, and cultivating a growth mindset. They discover that they can control their inner narrative and rewrite the story of their lives.
Whether you’re a student, organizer, or professional striving to excel in your field or a potential leader blocked by self-doubt and uncertainty, my keynote speech and workshops can help you recognize your inherent abilities and limitless potential. Together, we can reframe the negativity of your life into a future filled with confidence, resilience, and success.
The pioneer of proactive and active neuroplasticity utilizing the deliberate, repetitive neural input (DRNI) of information.
Former playwright and equity actor in more than a dozen productions. “… outstanding with commanding and polished stage presence” (Hollywood Reporter). Ties to Jimmy Burrows (Frasier, Friends), John Cleese, Mike Frankovich (producer), Gordon Jenkins (Sinatra’s arranger), Sal Mineo, Tennessee Williams …
Co-wrote musical, Ward 22 with Michael Dare (John Belushi’s “Captain Preemo”). Debuted at Jerome Lawrence’s home (Mame, Inherit the Wind).
Wrote/directed LA production of A Country Musical.
Project manager, then European contract negotiator for British Telecom and AT&T
Authored multiple academic articles on social anxiety, depression, and recovery featured in 84 countries.
Publicist to Edith Eva Eger (holocaust survivor) New York Times and Sunday Times bestseller; featured in primetime CBS special, Hitler and Stalin
Treatment advisor and producer’s representative at the Cannes Film Festival 1989
Presenter over sixty virtual discussions on social anxiety, depression, and empowerment
200,000 readers of weekly posted articles on ReChanneling.org website and social media
About Dr. Robert F. Mullen
For over thirty years, Robert Mullen navigated the challenges of severe social anxiety. Often referred to as the neglected anxiety disorder, SAD was a new, underrated, misunderstood, and frequently misdiagnosed condition. Bewildered, angry, and depressed, Robert was a social pariah convinced there was something wrong with him, experiencing first-hand the controlling, devious, and manipulative nature of his disorder.
In his mid-forties, Robert Mullen returned to university, challenging SAD’s grip on his emotional well-being. It was a journey of trial and error, but the answers eventually revealed themselves. He now dedicates his career to the millions of people worldwide who struggle with anxiety and depression. His commitment to this cause is a beacon of hope for many.
Before his pivotal decision, Robert’s career was a tapestry of diverse experiences. He spent several years as an equity actor and playwright in Hollywood, with minor roles in TV and film. He was a publicist and manager for artists and writers, including Auschwitz survivor and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Edith Eva Eger. His journey also led him to serve as a film project treatment advisor and representative at the prestigious Cannes Film Festival.
Moving to the San Francisco Bay Area, Robert ran his own artists’ management company before becoming an international contract negotiator for AT&T and British Telecom.
It was at university that Robert honed his talents in public speaking for a variety of organizations. Post-doctorate, he created the nonprofit group ReChanneling, which develops and implements programs to (1) mitigate symptoms of social anxiety and related conditions and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living.
Robert’s work has not just made a mark, but a profound impact in the field of mental health. He has published numerous articles and chapters and produced a YouTube series on recovery. He is credited as the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, a technique supported by the deliberate, repetitive neural input (DRNI) of information. This approach has been instrumental in developing workshops, lectures, and seminars that have helped hundreds of clients.
Robert’s paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration. It utilizes neuroscience and psychology techniques designed to replace or overwhelm negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, while producing rapid, concentrated positive stimulation to offset the abundance of negative information in our brains’ metabolism.
Dr. Robert Mullen teaches clients mindfulness (recognition, comprehension, and acceptance) of their inherent capabilities and potential. To be the best we can be, we must not define ourselves by our deficits and shortfalls but by our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.
I’ve been there… I’ve experienced the despair of social anxiety and its network of fear and avoidance of human connection.
I had no courage, no self-esteem, no purpose.
No one understood my condition.
I created an innovative method of recovery and rediscovered my potential and defined my purpose:
To share my experiences and expertise with those who continue to suffer.
Speaking engagements include:
American Academy of Religion – Atlanta/Berkeley/Phoenix American River College, Sacramento Asian Studies on the Pacific Coast, Portland University British Telecom, San Bruno, CA Bunnings Group Limited, AUS (SF Convention) The Exchange for the Performing Arts, Sacramento First Unitarian Universalist Society of San Francisco Folsom Lake College, CA Lakeshore Unitarian Society, Winnetka, IL Six+ years of Monthly Online Discussions on Social Anxiety Marshall Hospital, Placerville, CA Sacramento AIDS Foundation San Francisco Media Alliance Scottish Rites Temple, Los Angeles Society for Asian & Comparative Philosophy, Monterey
Social Anxiety Disorder
The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided apply to comorbid emotional malfunctions, including depression, substance abuse, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.
Fear of situations in which you may be judged negatively
Worry about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers
Fear that others will notice that you look anxious
Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice
Avoidance of doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
Avoidance of situations where you might be the center of attention
Anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event
Intense fear or anxiety during social situations
Analysis of your performance and identification of flaws in your interactions after a social situation
Expectation of the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation – (Mayo Clinic)
Testimonials
Mullen is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI ‒ deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga, Valencia)
It is refreshing to work with an organization that possesses sincere commitment, ethics, and genuinely cares about its clients. – Sharon Hoery & Associates, Colorado
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
I have never encountered such an efficient professional … His work transpires dedication, care, and love for what he does. – Jose Garcia Silva, PhD(composer Cosmos)
Social Anxiety Workshop produced results within a few sessions, with continuing improvement throughout the workshop and beyond. I’m now much more at ease in situations that were major sources of anxiety and avoidance for me just a few months ago. – Liz D.
A leading expert on social anxiety disorder and its comorbidities, Dr. Mullen is the father of proactive neuroplasticity. – Lake Shore Unitarian Society, Winnetka, IL
Dr. Mullen is considered a leading expert on anxiety and depression, etc. If you want to regain your sense of self-worth and confidence, you may want to consider recovery. It’s a bit of work but well worth the effort. – Matty S.
I am simply in awe at the writing, your insights, your deep knowing of transcendence, your intuitive understanding of psychic-physical pain, your connection of the pain to healing, your concept/title, and above all, your innate compassion. – Janice Parker, PhD
Publications
2025. Social Anxiety’s Failure to Establish, Develop, and Maintain Healthy RelationshipsinC.-E. Mayer, E. Vanderheiden Handbook of Love, Part 2. Springer
I was recently chatting with Stephanie from Singing Gecko on one of her posts. And she mentioned my comment was Stoic and optimistic and I absolutely loved that. But before I go into this story, I want to take a minute to shoutout Stephanie. She is such a cool person. Her posts really make me think and she has an awesome vibe. Do check out her blog. Okay, now back to how Stoicism saved my mental health.
Basically her comment reminded me that I am in fact a Stoic and have practised Stoicism for years now. I first learnt about it in my first year of university when I took a philosophy course. It really stood out to me because it was the first time I had heard a philosophical school of thought that perfectly encompassed my own beliefs. And the more I read about it, the more I agreed with what I was reading.
Over time, I began to include Stoic practices in my life and saw a major shift in my mental health. But first, let’s talk about Stoicism. I’m sure most people that know are interested in philosophy or know basic philosophical schools will be familiar with Stoicism. But for those that may not be, I’ve shared a little bit about Stoicism and a Wikipedia link if you would like to read more about it.
What Is Stoicism?
“Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy that flourished in Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome. The Stoics believed that the practice of virtue is enough to achieve eudaimonia: a well-lived life. The Stoics identified the path to achieving it with a life spent practicing the four cardinal virtues in everyday life — prudence, fortitude, temperance, and justice — as well as living in accordance with nature. It was founded in the ancient Agora of Athens by Zeno of Citium around 300 BCE.
Alongside Aristotle’s ethics, the Stoic tradition forms one of the major founding approaches to virtue ethics. The Stoics are especially known for teaching that “virtue is the only good” for human beings, and that external things, such as health, wealth, and pleasure, are not good or bad in themselves (adiaphora) but have value as “material for virtue to act upon”.
Many Stoics—such as Seneca and Epictetus—emphasized that because “virtue is sufficient for happiness”, a sage would be emotionally resilient to misfortune. The Stoics also believed that certain destructive emotions resulted from errors of judgment, and people should aim to maintain a will (called prohairesis) that is “in accordance with nature”. Because of this, the Stoics thought the best indication of an individual’s philosophy was not what a person said but how the person behaved.
To live a good life, one had to understand the rules of the natural order since they believed everything was rooted in nature.” (Source: Wikipedia)
How Stoicism Saved My Mental Health
So, now that you have a better understanding of Stoicism we can get into how Stoicism saved my mental health and has pretty much changed my life over the last few years. For those of you that don’t know, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety as a teenager. So that’s what I’ll be referencing throughout the post. Anyway, this is how Stoicism saved my mental health:
Acceptance
One major aspect of Stoicism is that Stoics believe that we have free will but also that there are things out of our control. Basically, we believe in destiny, that things are pre-determined. However, how we choose to perceive things is up to us. Realising this was a giant game changer for me.
Growing up, I was always someone that needed control. I like things to be perfect, everything has its place. When things don’t go exactly as planned and even if there’s a slight hitch I would go into absolute anxiety mode. However, I have become so much more calm now when things don’t go as planned. Of course, I’m not perfect at it and I don’t think perfection is achievable. But I accept things that come my way. I experience the negative emotions associated with it and then I process and let them go. I don’t let it debilitate me.
This has been a huge game-changer for my anxiety. I’m no longer meticulously plan every tiny aspect of my life because I’m terrified I’ll do something wrong if I don’t. Can you imagine how exhausting it was for me to be doing that before? But no more. Now, I let life do its thing because I understand that being on anxiety mode 24/7 is not going to change my destiny. But how I choose to react will. I control what I can and I accept what I can’t
Stoic Exercises/Practices
There are a number of Stoic practices that those that believe in Stoicism try to include into their life. Today, I want to talk about two that I practice that have helped me so much with my mental health.
The first one is negative visualisation. This is a technique where you periodically imagine losing the things you value (like your job, health, or loved ones). I know, this sounds super grim and trust me it’s not for everyone. But hear me out. This made my life so much easier and decreased my anxiety immensely. I used to be so anxious all the time about bad things happening. Losing people I love, losing my health, not doing well in school, losing clients etc. But this practice has helped me picture the worst again and again until it’s no longer as anxiety inducing for me. I have finally come to terms with the fact that it’s a part of life that sometimes we do lose things we value. But we can’t let that stop us, we have to stay strong and keep going even when we hit rock bottom.
Another practice that I have added to my routine is voluntary discomfort. Stoics often engage in practices that voluntarily make life harder to build resilience and remind themselves that discomfort is not inherently bad. Earlier, when my anxiety was at its worst any sort of discomfort would ruin my day and I would shy away from it. I realised that this was actually a trauma response.
For me, voluntary discomfort is about doing social things because that makes me very uncomfortable. A few years ago, even leaving the house would give me anxiety. Now, I go out all the time. Sometimes on my own just to have a relaxing mental health day. I’m no longer scared to dine alone, shop alone, talk to new people. Things that would have petrified me have now become enjoyable.
Courage
This was a big one for me and one that was a major trigger for my depression. I’ve always been one of those people that are extremely sensitive to fighting or confrontation. That’s a huge trigger for my PTSD. But I’m also someone that takes their morals and ethics really seriously. When someone does something I believe is wrong or harming someone else, I feel unsettled. But I would never confront people about their behaviour before. Especially narcissists. Now, I’m not longer afraid of confrontation. I still avoid it when I can but when I need to say something, I do it.
Acting in accordance with virtue, even in the face of adversity is an important part of Stoicism. And it’s what taught me to stand up for myself and those that couldn’t stand up for themselves. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come. And thanks to no longer bottling everything up and setting healthy boundaries, my depression and anxiety have gotten so much better. Instead of being depressed that the world sucks, I can now stand up and fight for things to get better.
Moderation and Neutrality
Exercising moderation in all things and avoiding excess is another things I learnt from Stoicism. I used to see things as very black and white before I began actively practicing Stoicism. And that was a really depressing way to see the world. It made me very pessimistic and unhappy.
Now, I understand that things are much more complex. Nothing is black and white, most things are grey. Which is why it’s important to try to stay neutral and objective. Don’t get to a place where you’re on an unrealistic extreme.
As for moderation, I think I’ve generally been a pretty moderate person but over time I have become much less materialistic. I was never that materialistic but I did like occasionally to splurge on things I was interested in like books, skincare, makeup etc. Now, I put a lot more importance on people and memories instead of stuff.
The Bigger Picture
One thing I did a lot of reading and reflecting about is living according to nature. For Stoics, this means understanding the natural world and our place within it. It involves recognising that life is unpredictable and transient. Change is a constant part of it. And that is why it’s so important to learn to accept that and be prepared instead of holding on to the past.
Figuring out my place in the world also helped me recognise just how insignificant I am. Which again, I know sounds a little depressing but it wasn’t for me. It had the opposite effect. I was no longer insecure about those little flaws I saw in the mirror, about my weight, my hair, my body. Because none of that mattered and most people probably didn’t even notice or care about those things. I was just a tiny part of a big world. This did wonders for my social anxiety.
Constant Growth
Wisdom and understanding what is truly important in life is one of the cornerstones of Stoicism. Stoics often practice mindfulness and reflection. Regularly reflecting on your thoughts, actions, and responses helps Stoics become more self-aware. This practice encourages us to examine our judgments and adjust them to align with virtue.
I’ve talked about meditation, mindfulness and reflection quite a lot in my mental health related posts so I won’t go into too much detail again on this one. The post has already become so much longer than I expected it to be. But basically, reflecting on my day and trying to be a better version of myself each day has helped me immensely with my mental health. It’s helped me understand myself and those around me. And most importantly, it’s helped me become a better person which in turn makes me a lot more confident than I used to be. I know what I stand for and don’t look to others to define me.
Final Thoughts
That’s how Stoicism saved my mental health and helped me be the person I’ve become today. I hope you enjoyed this post. I don’t talk about my philosophical beliefs much because I feel like people wouldn’t care too much or would maybe not find that interesting. People that love philosophy love it but those that don’t really don’t. But since a lot of my readers do enjoy my mental health related posts, I thought this would be interesting to them. And maybe a different perspective because I don’t see many people talking about Stoicism in relation to mental health. But for me the two are interrelated and it was important for me to tell my story of how Stoicism saved my mental health.
Disclaimer: If you or someone you love are experiencing mental health problems please talk to a professional or someone you trust. Please seek help if you feel that it is necessary. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing help.
Lifesfinewhine, a timely and popular website, is a beacon of hope for those navigating mental health issues. Its producer, P.J. Gudka, was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety as a teenager. Through research and self-reflection, she has gained a profound understanding of mental health illnesses and the stigma that often surrounds them. Her latest book, All the Words I Kept Inside, is a transformative collection of poetry that encourages readers to delve deep within themselves and confront their darkest thoughts. It takes the inner dread, disappointment, and heartache we all experience and reveals the words of the heart, inspiring hope and transformation.
If you have a story or perspective to share, we encourage you to submit a post for ReChanneling’s website. Please contact rmullenphd@gmail.com to learn more about the submission process.
Unable to cope with fear and uncertainty, a person resorts to denial, repression, compromise, and hides behind the mask of a false self. ― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Todd Scrolls
Defense Mechanisms
Understanding and applying coping mechanisms can significantly empower us to alleviate stress and reduce the release of fear and anxiety-inducing hormones. Recovery-oriented coping mechanisms, such as distractions and projecting positive outcomes, give us a sense of control when confronting fearful situations.
Maladaptive coping mechanisms, which we all use at some point, are known as defense mechanisms. These are temporary strategies we unconsciously employ to handle triggers our minds are unequipped to manage.
Defense mechanisms are mostly unconscious and automatic safeguards against stressful situations—psychological reactions designed to protect us from trauma. Although these psychological responses defend us from our fears and anxieties, they are not long-term solutions.
Examples of such mechanisms include denial, conversion, projection, and repression.
Without coping mechanisms, defensive or otherwise, we can experiencedecompensation – the inability to generate effective psychological coping mechanisms in response to stress – resulting in personality disturbance or disintegration.
The difference between defense and coping mechanisms is that the latter are adaptive and promote emotional well-being and recovery. For instance, avoiding a social situation due to fear of criticism and rejection would be considered a defense mechanism, while confronting the feared situation by employing positive self-talk, mindfulness, and social skills training is adopting coping mechanisms.
It is important to remember that although coping and defense mechanisms do not address the root causes of our fears and anxieties, they can provide limited emotional relief. Like an analgesic that temporarily alleviates physical pain, these mechanisms can positively influence our emotional well-being and help rebuild our self-esteem as we navigate our mental health journey. However, it’s crucial to understand and address the root causes.
“It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life.” – Nick P.
Notwithstanding their label, many defense mechanisms support recovery when utilized appropriately. Some, like avoidance, humor,and isolation, need no explanation. Others, such as compensation and dissociation, have positive values in recovery when employed appropriately.
Compensation is when we overachieve in one area of our lives to offset perceived failures in another. For example, a poor student may become a star athlete. We compensate for our negative thoughts and behaviors by channeling our efforts into healthy, productive accomplishments. This process helps rebuild our self-esteem as we focus on our strengths, virtues, and attributes rather than the aspects of ourselves affected by social anxiety.
In essence, we leverage our best qualities to counteract any perceived deficits in self-esteem caused by our social anxiety.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Dissociation
In psychological terms, dissociation refers to the experience of detaching from reality. Dissociation can range from mild emotional detachment to more significant disconnection from physical and emotional trauma. Dissociation helps people manage their emotional well-being by separating their thoughts, memories, feelings, and actions from distressing situation(s).
In less severe cases, we might dissociate by daydreaming or losing ourselves in a good book or movie, which can temporarily relieve stress.
In recovery, we practice deliberate dissociation from the symptoms of social anxiety. This act allows us to separate ourselves from the negative aspects of our condition to focus on our character assets. It provides a sense of control and confidence to objectively analyze our thoughts and behaviors to respond rationally and productively.
When our identity remains intertwined with social anxiety, consciously dissociating from the symptoms of our condition is a functional and productive approach.
Dissociation
Dissociation helps us recognize that we are not defined by our condition’s adversities but rather by our resilience, assets, and determination. It is a deliberate act rather than the unconscious responses linked to our automatic negative thoughts (ANTs).
Theoretically, when we disassociate, parts of our brain become more active and others less active. To regenerate our self-esteem, we energize the positive aspects of our character over the adverse self-appraisal of our condition.
For those who dispute my use of dissociation as frivolous, substitute the words disconnect, separate, uncouple, disunite, or liberate.
When we remain entangled with our social anxiety disorder, we often see ourselves as helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless. These core and intermediate beliefs, shaped by childhood experiences and reinforced by our condition, become the nemesis of our self-appraisal.
By dissociating from social anxiety, we step away from self-targeting to objectively analyze our irrational thoughts and behaviors, leading to more rational and productive responses.
This shift from a disease model to a wellness model is significant. The disease model focuses on the problem, while the wellness model—rooted in humanistic and positive psychologies—emphasizes the solution. It defines health as physical, mental, and social well-being rather than merely the absence of disease or infirmity. This change in perspective fosters optimism for our recovery and reveals opportunities and possibilities.
It’s important to remember that we are not our social anxiety; we are individuals experiencing social anxiety. We do not identify as the injured limb when we break our leg. We view it as something that requires healing. The same principle applies to our recovery from social anxiety. Dissociation is not a sign of weakness; it is a tool we use to distance ourselves from our condition and take proactive steps toward healing.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) mitigate symptoms of social anxiety and related conditions and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing neuroscience and psychology, including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. No matter the size, every contribution supports someone striving to make a difference in their lives and those of others. All donations support scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is missed in group activities is provided in our monthly, no-cost Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
Coping mechanisms help us cope with stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions. They range from practiced skills in recovery (e.g., grounding, reframing, and rational coping statements) to everyday stress reducers like gardening, journaling, and listening to music.
Social anxiety is culturally identifiable by the persistent fear and avoidance of social interaction and performance situations, which causes us to miss the life experiences that connect us with the world.
Our primary recovery goal is the dramatic moderation of these symptoms. To achieve this, we identify three objectives: To
Replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones.
Produce rapid, concentrated positive stimulation to offset the abundance of negative information in our brain’s metabolism.
Regenerate our self-esteem and reintegrate into society through mindfulness and reinforcement of our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.
Coping Strategies and Coping Mechanisms
Coping strategies are the methods or approaches that best execute our three objectives. On the other hand, coping mechanisms are tools and techniques that implement our coping strategies. The distinctions are important.
For example, to support a response-based strategy, we would utilize cognitive coping mechanisms that focus on our automatic negative thoughts and reduce the influx of our fear and anxiety-provoked chemical hormones.
A comprehensive recovery program employs multiple strategies sustained by cooperative coping mechanisms. These applications are not rigidly distinct solutions but complementary. One-size-fits-all approaches cannot address the underrated complexity of social anxiety.
Coping mechanisms alleviate our situational fears and anxieties, allowing us to step outside the bullseye and objectively analyze our irrational thoughts and behaviors to respond rationally and productively.
In general terms, coping mechanisms help us cope with stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions. They range from practiced skills in recovery (e.g., grounding, reframing, and rational response) to everyday stress reducers like gardening, journaling, and listening to music. Healthy coping mechanisms are situationally adaptive.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Decompensation
Without coping mechanisms, healthy or otherwise, we can experiencedecompensation – the inability or unwillingness to generate effective psychological stress response, resulting in personality disturbance or disintegration.
Defense Mechanisms
Defense mechanisms are temporary safeguards against situations that challenge our conscious minds. They are ostensibly automatic psychological responses designed to protect us from our fears and anxieties.
Cognitive distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that perpetuate our anxiety and depression. They are defense mechanisms that reinforce or justify our toxic behaviors. And validate our irrational attitudes, rules, and assumptions. They twist reality, painting an inaccurate picture of the self in the world with others. They interpret experiences through a glass darkly.
Any process that protects us from our fears, anxieties, and threats to our emotional well-being is a defense mechanism. Some, like avoidance, humor, and isolation, require no explanation. Others, such as compensation and dissociation, have positive applications in recovery.
Situations
A situation is a set of circumstances – the facts, conditions, and incidents affecting us at a particular time in a specific place. A feared situation provokes anxieties and apprehensions that negatively impact our activities and relationships.
Two Types of Situations
Two types of situations concern us: the anticipated situation and the unexpected one.
Anticipated situationsare those that we know, in advance, trigger our fears and anxieties. They can be one-off situations like a job interview or social event. They can be recurring situations like the classroom or our daily work environment.
Knowing our feared situation in advance gives us ample opportunity to devise a structured plan to counter our fears and anxieties. We develop it utilizing situationally focused coping mechanisms in a workshop environment. We practice our plan in non-threatening simulations. This method is called graded exposure or systematic desensitization.
Exposing ourselves to a feared situation without a strategy and functional coping mechanisms is jumping out of an airplane without a parachute. In the words of a master of moderation, Benjamin Franklin, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.”
Unexpected situationsare those that catch us by surprise – stress-provoking chance encounters such as faulty plumbing, an unexpected guest, or losing a wallet.
Knowing how to respond effectively to unexpected situations is like playing bridge. We know what’s in our hand (our coping mechanisms) but don’t know which card to play until we see the others on the table. Accordingly, we assemble our emergency preparedness kit – a variety of practiced coping mechanisms proven subjectively effective.
“It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life.” – Nick P.
Associated Fears and Corresponding ANTs
Automatic negative thoughts are immediate, involuntary expressions of our fears and anxieties. These thoughts can occur in advance of, during, or after a feared situation. ANTs are terse emotional responses, unbased upon reason or deliberation. They are the unpleasant expressions of our negative self-beliefs that define who we are, who we think we are, and who we think others think we are.
Alleviating Our Symptoms
Coping mechanisms are valuable tools in the recovery process. Their role is to offset the negative stimuli within the situation, allowing us to de-stress and reframe our responses.
We develop and practice detailed coping mechanisms in a workshop environment. Introspection, collective activities, and graded exposure are helpful to the client in determining the mechanisms that are most individually effective and adaptable.
Know the Enemy
Did you ever try to talk to someone about your social anxiety? It’s hard. Like it’s some alien disease or something. Nobody gets it. That is why we are reluctant to disclose it. Many of us deliberately choose to remain ignorant of SAD’s destructive capabilities. Others pretend it doesn’t exist or ignore it, hoping it will disappear or no one will notice. Our resistance is a significant impediment to our recovery.
It is disconcerting how many affected clients are unfamiliar with SAD’s causes, symptoms, and impact. The information is readily available. When we have the sniffles, we dash to the internet and familiarize ourselves with every snake oil remedy known to civilization. Nevertheless, despite experiencing social anxiety for decades, it remains as mysterious to some as the mating habits of the Loch Ness Monster.
It is essential to know the symptoms of our condition and how they impact us. To paraphrase Sun Tzu, our chances of recovery are negligible if we neither know the enemy nor ourself. It is pointless to assemble a puzzle if the pieces are missing.
There are multiple ways to mitigate the anxiety of negative triggers. Three of the more effective are grounding, positive reframing, and rational response.
Grounding
Grounding is turning attention away from anxiety-provoking thoughts, memories, or worries and refocusing on the present moment. It refers to any technique that brings our attention to the present physical moment. Whenever we feel anxious or stressed, we can use grounding techniques to distract ourselves from the emotional situation.
This research-based strategy helps us moderate our situational fears and automatic negative thoughts. If we find ourselves in moments of stress or panic, grounding techniques can help our body relax and return to the present moment.
One of the most common grounding techniques is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which grounds us to the moment by reconnecting us to one or more of our five senses. We deliberately focus on objects, sounds, smells, tastes, and our bodies. Doing so moderates our emotional distress by distracting our anxiety.
Rational Response
Our automatic response to everything is emotional. To moderate negative emotions, we address them rationally. A rational response is a logical, self-affirming counter to our fears, issues of self-esteem, and automatic negative thoughts.
How do we respond to these triggers? First, we identify the situation where it happens: Where are we, what are we doing, who and what is involved, etc.? Then, we unpack our associated fears and corresponding ANTs.
Remember, fears are irrational, as is predicting what will happen. Knowing what others are thinking is also irrational unless we’re mind readers. It is all subjective projection.
So, we rationally respond to our fears to moderate them. Example: speaking in front of a group. What are our fears? (Again, they are subjective.) Let us go with our fear of criticism. What might our automatic negative thoughts FIX consist of? “They’ll think I’m stupid.” “They’ll make fun of me.” “I’ll make a fool of myself.”
Rational responses might be: “I am entitled to be here as much as anyone.” “I am valuable and significant.” “I am equal to anyone here.” These are accurate responses to unreasonable, self-defeating thoughts.
Positive Reframing
Our neural network is overwhelmed with negativity. Humans are hard-wired with a negativity bias, meaning we respond to negative things over positive ones.
Social anxiety and low self-esteem sustain themselves through our negative self-appraisal.
Positive reframing is turning a negative perspective into a positive one. By reframing, we identify our triggers and self-esteem issues and change how we react and respond to them. Any situation always offers multiple perspectives. While we cannot control everything that happens, we can control how we react and respond.
One example of reframing is viewing a problem or issue as a challenge or opportunity. We reframe an argument by looking at it from the other’s perspective. In a snowstorm, we can either be housebound and despondent or take the sleds and ice skates out of the closet and enjoy the day. Experts agree that positive reframing is critical for emotional well-being.
As we progress in recovery, grounding, positive reframing, and rational response become habitual and automatic.
Seek Progress, Not Perfection
SAD persons worry about their performance before and during a situation and obsess about the outcome long after. We fear criticism and negative appraisal. We set unreasonable expectations to compensate for our perceptions of incompetence and inadequacy, and then we beat ourselves up when our expectations are unmet. Perfectionism is not the desire to do well but the need to be faultless. Anything less is unsatisfactory. Perfectionism and social anxiety have a parallel relationship.
Recovery, however, is a life’s work in progress. There is no absolute cure for social anxiety, but with work and over time, we experience a dramatic and exponential alleviation of our symptoms. The key is progress over perfection.
Set Reasonable Expectations
An expectation, by definition, is afirm belief that something will take place in the future. When we set an expectation, we invest a fervid interest in its outcome. What happens in the likelihood that our expectations are unmet? Because we have a vested interest, we are psychologically attached to the outcome. Fixed In our minds, we see it as a reality. When it does not go our way, the general response is one of disappointment.
Experts describe the reaction to disappointment as a form of sadness – an expression of desperation or grief due to loss. While it is true that we cannot lose what we have not acquired, fixing the expectation in our mind makes it real and visceral. Loss leads to depression, self-loathing, and other traits associated with perfectionism and social anxiety.
Engender Joy and Laughter
The endorphins and chemical hormones transmitted by positive emotions dramatically enhance our psychological well-being. Joy and laughter counteract anxiety and defuse anger, resentment, and shame. Theystrengthen our immune system,boost energy levels, and enhance memory and concentration. When we smile and laugh, the influx of our fear and anxiety-provoking hormones decreases. Finding humor in stressful situations reframes our perspective and takes the edge off our anxiety. It provides a sense of shared comradery and community, which helps counter our fear and avoidance of intimacy and social events, improving our physiological and psychological health.
Remember, You Are Not Alone
Roughly 124 million U.S. adults and adolescents experience anxiety disorders. 60% of those have depression, and many resort to substance abuse. Persons experiencing SAD are too preoccupied with their center of attention to seek us out for judgment or criticism. Roughly two of five people in any situation are experiencing anxiety. So, when we worry and stress during a social event, we are in good company. Social anxiety is common, universal, and indiscriminate. We are never alone.
GENERAL COPING STRATEGIES
Controlled Breathing
Controlled breathing reduces stress, increases our mental awareness, and boosts our immune system, Scientific studies show that this simple grounding technique dramatically mitigates symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, and other stress-related conditions. Grounding distracts from negative stimuli by focusing on the present through our body and senses. It helps us manage our negative thoughts and reactions.
Our vagus nerve controls our heart rate and nervous system and manages our fight or flight (freeze, fawn, flop) response. Science tells us that the simplest way to manipulate our vagus nerve is to practice controlled breathing, which decreases the flow of cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine while releasing mood—and memory-enhancing chemical hormones like GABA and serotonin.
Positive Personal Affirmations
Positive personal affirmations are self-motivating and empowering statements that help us focus on goals, challenge negative, self-defeating beliefs, and reprogram our subconscious minds. We drastically underestimate the significance and effectiveness of PPAs because we don’t appreciate the neuroscience behind them.
Providing all the neural benefits of positive reinforcement, our PPAs self-describe who and what we aspire to be in our emotional development. PPAs are rational, reasonable, possible, positive, unconditional, problem-focused, brief, and in first-person present or future time. Think of PPA’s as aspirations or self-fulfilling prophecies that, through deliberate repetition, help replace our abundance of negative neural information with healthy, productive input.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
PMR is another grounding technique. We progressively relax our muscle groups, beginning with the lower extremities and extending to the forehead. Like controlled breathing, there are long and short applications. Abbreviated PMR takes less than a minute and can be executed surreptitiously during a situation. This coping mechanism relieves the discomforting muscle tension aggravated by stress. It also reduces the influx of our fear and anxiety-provoking hormones while momentarily distracting us from our negative thoughts and reactions.
Slow Talk
Our anxiety often compels us to mumble or rush our words under pressure. Slow talk is deliberately speaking slowly and calmly. It slows our physiological responses, alleviates rapid heartbeat, and lowers our blood pressure. It is also helpful to incorporate the 5-second rule, i.e., pause any response for five thoughtful seconds. Not only does this coping mechanism moderate the flow of cortisol, adrenaline, and other stress-provoking hormones, but it also presents the appearance of someone considerate and confident.
Affirmative Visualization
An affirmative visualization isa positive outcome scenario we mentally create by imagining or visualizing it. All information passes through our brain’s thalamus, which makes no distinction between inner and outer realities. Whether we visualize doing something or actually do it, we stimulate the same regions of our neural network. Visualizing raising our left hand is, to our brain, the same thing as physically raising our left hand.
Affirmative visualization activates our dopaminergic-reward system, decreasing the neurotransmissions of anxiety and fear-provoking hormones and accelerating and consolidating the beneficial ones. When we visualize, our brain generates alpha waves, which can reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Research shows that visualizing a situation in advance improves our mental and physical aptitude. We consciously source information that will enhance our performance outcomes, dramatically improving the likelihood of success in the actual situation. IT also produces the same neural benefits as any other form of proactive neuroplasticity, i.e., the deliberate, repetitive neural input of positive information.
Character Focus
Focusing on our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements channels our emotional angst to mental deliberation, mitigating our fears, anxieties and corresponding ANTs. It supports the regeneration of our self-esteem as we rebuild our latent self-qualities. By manifesting our character strengths and achievements, we reframe our perspective, empowering our asset awareness and generating renewed self-confidence.
Distractions/Diversions
Distractions are mental grounding techniques that engage our focus when confronted by anxiety. Also called directed attention, we focus our attention on a sensory target (i.e. sight, tactile, sound, smell, and taste) to supersede moments of stress and discomfort in our feared situation. Snapping a rubber band on our wrist to momentarily ground our attention is a prime example of a tactile distraction.
Diversions are activities that fulfill the same function (e.g., initiating small talk or humming a song to yourself.) A diversion rechannels the stress of a situational fear or anxiety into a diversionary tactic. These physical diversions and mental distractions temporarily alleviate our fears and anxieties and help manage our negative thoughts and reactions.
Persona
Our body language represents roughly sixty percent of communication. Ten percent is words, and thirty percent is sounds (sighing, laughing, moaning). Persona is the social face we present to our exposure situation, designed to make a positive impression while concealing the nature of our social anxiety. Developing personas is vital to preparing for and adapting to multiple exposure situations.
Our persona establishes our body language. It determines how we carry ourselves, the timbre of our voice, our attitude, and the clothes and shoes we wear (boots, sneakers, high heels). It reflects our character strengths best suited for the situation. (The actor, Paul Newman, allegedly crafted his characters by initially determining their walk and posture.)
We all have multiple personas. We present ourselves differently depending upon the context of the situation, e.g., a sports event versus an interview for a job, a funeral versus a wedding, or a family dinner versus a hoedown. Our personas are ostensibly unconscious – they reflect the environment. Deliberately crafting our persona is an essential learned skill that can dramatically alleviate the stress of a situation.
Persona is an extension of the Social Psychology of Dress, which is concerned with how our dress appearance affects our behavior and that of others toward us. Our outward appearance expresses our internal vision of who we want to present. Persona is more than appearance. It is attitude and performance.
Rooted in self-complexity theory, delivering personas indicates that individuals with diverse self-aspects–different dimensions forming their identity–navigate life more effectively Developing and utilizing personas is vital to preparing for and adapting to multiple exposure situations.
Personas are not other selves distinct from who we are but different aspects of our personality. To analogize, all the clothes in our wardrobe belong to us, but we choose an outfit for a specific occasion to appeal to our sense of self. The same pattern of thought-driven choice establishes our persona.
Projected Positive Outcome
Our projected positive outcome is the reasonable expectations we set for our feared situation. We already know the projected negative outcome if we capitulate to our ANTs. Therefore, we rationally respond by setting reasonable expectations. A projected positive outcome is rational, practical, and doable to ensure success. For example, being immediately hired with a fantastic salary at a networking event is not a reasonable expectation. Making an initial and fruitful contact is an effective projected positive outcome.
Purpose
Purpose is the primary motivation behind our exposure to a situation. What do we seek or hope to accomplish? Why are we exposing ourselves? If our feared situation is the barbershop or beauty salon (not uncommon sources of anxiety), it is reasonable to consider that our purpose might be to get our hair cut or styled comfortably. Our purpose is a subjective determination.
Attending a social event offers multiple purposes, e.g., networking, carousing, making friends, and seeking an intimate relationship. However, maintaining numerous purposes reduces the probability of success, leading to disappointment and self-recrimination. Therefore, we set a reasonable expectation a focus on the principal purpose. To paraphrase a Russian proverb: if you chase two pigs, you have less chance of catching either one.
Small Talk
Small talk is an Informal greeting, comment, or conversation – discourse absent any functional topic of discussion or transaction. In essence, it is polite, non-confrontational verbal interaction meant to acknowledge presence and or open channels of further communication. This activity is not as easy as it appears for those experiencing social anxiety. In interactive workshop activities, graded exposure defines the parameters and establishes the comfort zone critical to successful small talk.
SUDS Rating and Projected SUDS Rating
The Subjective Units of Distress Scale ranges from 0 to 100, measuring the severity of our situational stress. Additionally, it allows us to set reasonable expectations of success. We evaluate what level of distress we anticipate in our feared situation (SUDS Rating) and what we project it will be upon its successful completion (Projected SUDS Rating).
Again, we set reasonable expectations. A moderate projected SUDS rating will offer the probability of a successful venture. For example, if our SUDS rating of distress for making a presentation is 80, a reasonable projected SUDS rating might be 70 or 75. Projecting a 10 SUDS rating would imply that we expect a standing ovation and a national speaking tour. It’s possible, but it is an unreasonable expectation.
Coping Mechanisms for Everyday Stress
Anything that alleviates stress qualifies as a coping mechanism. From listening to music to tending a garden, coping mechanisms are as numerous and varied as individual experience and imagination.
To iterate, some will work for us, and others we will discard. Some will work sometimes and not at other times. Many are general activities like exercise, meditation, and creativity. Examples of coping mechanisms for everyday stress include:
Arts and Crafts:
DIY
Music
Creative Pursuits
Connecting with nature
Hobbies
Personal Time
Physical Activity
Body Relaxation
Self-Empowering Activities
Coping mechanisms are tools and techniques with a wide range of uses. They assist in moderating our situational fears, anxieties, and ANTs. They temporarily allow us to step outside the bullseye so that we can objectively analyze our thoughts and behaviors. And react and respond rationally and productively. They also help us cope with everyday stress and other negative emotions.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) mitigate symptoms of social anxiety and related conditions and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing neuroscience and psychology including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly, no-cost Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
