The primary distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder lies in the severity of symptoms. Not everyone is affected in the same way, as the intensity and persistence of symptoms vary widely from person to person. Although the characteristics and traits of these conditions may appear similar across individuals, each person’s experience is shaped by a unique combination of environment, life experiences, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.
Additionally, it is important to recognize that comorbidities—other mental health conditions that occur alongside social anxiety—are highly prevalent. This underscores the complexity of these anxiety disorders. As such, effective recovery strategies must address not only social anxiety but also its related conditions. Throughout this book, when recovery methods are discussed for social anxiety, social phobia, and social anxiety disorder, they are intended to apply to all three.
___________________________
Perfectionism and Unreasonable Expectations
Poor self-analysis compels us to overcompensate. Perfectionism is a byproduct of overcompensation. Perfectionism leads us to set unreasonable expectations.
None of us is perfect; we all have aspects we hide, fearing they may make us appear defective or inadequate. Ostensibly, we conceal these perceptual shortcomings or justify them through defense mechanisms such as repression and projection. Or we displace our anger, deny our faults, and rationalize our actions.
Living with persistent negative self-appraisal is emotionally destabilizing. People experiencing social anxiety crave connection with others, but fears of intimacy and rejection make it challenging to initiate, develop, and maintain healthy relationships. These insecurities compel us to create defense mechanisms to justify our avoidance.
Defense Mechanisms
Defense mechanisms are short-term psychological coping mechanisms that safeguard unresolved threats to our emotional well-being. They excuse the irrational thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that our conscious minds are currently unwilling or unable to manage.
Without coping mechanisms, healthy or otherwise, we risk decompensation—the inability or unwillingness to develop effective psychological alternatives to the symptoms of our condition, which can lead to personality disturbances or disintegration.
Nonetheless, defense mechanisms can be healthy tools for managing trauma and other distressful thoughts and behaviors until we are ready to resolve them.
Compensation
Compensation is a defense mechanism in which we overachieve in one area of our lives to compensate for perceived defects in another. For instance, someone who feels socially inadequate might become a performer, while a teenager may excel in sports to offset learning difficulties.
Compensation can be a powerful tool for personal growth when used appropriately. We counter negative thoughts and behaviors by replacing them with positive, productive ones. We compensate for low self-esteem by acknowledging our strengths, virtues, and achievements.
Overcompensation
Because we want to mitigate the pain of experiencing our condition as swiftly as possible, we overcompensate. We push the envelope. Overcompensation, especially when unconscious, often leads to adverse consequences such as burnout, strained relationships, and missed opportunities.
Moderation, as always, is the key.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Perfectionism
Overcompensation, a struggle many of us can relate to, often leads to the trap of perfectionism, which is not merely a desire to do well but a need to be flawless. Anything less feels unsatisfactory. Perfectionism is widespread among individuals experiencing social anxiety.
As perfectionists, we overreact when our expectations are unmet. We struggle to move forward when things do not go as planned. Research shows that individuals experiencing social anxiety have lower implicit and explicit self-esteem compared to healthy individuals. Perfectionists tend to experience higher levels of anxiety and lower levels of psychological well-being.
To a perfectionist, anything less than perfect is catastrophic. We often engage in polarized thinking, viewing situations in extremes. Our colleagues are either for us or against us. The world is black or white, with no room for compromise. We see ourselves as either exceptional or failures.
A Parallel Relationship
Perfectionism and social anxiety often go hand in hand.
Perfectionists and people with SAD tend to avoid situations that might lead to failure or embarrassment. We fear saying or doing something inappropriate, being criticized, or facing negative evaluations. These apprehensions only intensify our self-criticism and defensiveness.
Our critical nature and fear of rejection often lead us to isolate ourselves, which affects our ability to connect with others and maintain satisfying relationships.
Our perfectionism drives us to set unreasonable expectations, such as performing flawlessly, never making mistakes, and always being in control. These expectations are often impossible to achieve, resulting in further feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.
Reasonable Expectations
An expectation is a strong emotional belief that something will happen in the future. When we set expectations, we become invested in the outcome. But what happens if our expectations are unmet? We psychologically attach ourselves to them because we have a stake in the result. In our minds, we perceive our expectations as happening. When things don’t go as planned, we typically respond with anger and disappointment.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Unmet Expectations
Disappointment is a powerful emotion. Experts describe the reaction to disappointment as a form of sadness – an expression of desperation or grief due to loss. While it’s true that we can’t lose what we never had, setting an unreasonable expectation makes it feel real, and we experience the loss intensely. This feeling can lead to depression, self-loathing, and symptoms associated with perfectionism and social anxiety.
How do we set reasonable expectations when our perfectionism demands the brass ring? It is human nature to aspire to excellence.
Determine Expectations Early On
Setting expectations carefully in advance allows us to plan strategies and coping mechanisms to help meet them. Expectations should be rational, reasonable, achievable, and constructive. For instance, an unreasonable expectation at a networking event would be to find the job of our dreams. On the other hand, a reasonable expectation could be to hand out our business card to a potential contact.
Going to a social event expecting to form a lasting relationship is also unrealistic. A more reasonable expectation would be to meet people who share similar interests.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
No matter how reasonably we set them, our expectations will occasionally be partially or wholly unmet. We may need to modify them to accommodate the situation, more practice, or an extension of our planned timeframe.
Reasonable expectations require flexibility. While we control our reactions and responses to situations, we are subject to external factors over which we have no control. This is part of the learning process. By reframing our perspective, we learn to recognize the positive aspects of experience.
Be Mindful of Distorted Thinking
People experiencing social anxiety are highly susceptible to cognitive distortions and other defense mechanisms. Recognizing, understanding, and accepting the self-destructive nature of these and other defense mechanisms is essential to recovery. This can be achieved through therapy, self-reflection, and mindfulness practices.
We can only reasonably set expectations for ourselves. Setting expectations of others will result in frustration and disappointment because we have no control over their outcome. It is called self-esteem, not other-esteem. We only have jurisdiction over subjective expectations.
Self-Appreciation
Self-appreciation is recognizing and enjoying our qualities and achievements. For every positive attempt or interaction, congratulate yourself. You deserve to experience the pride and satisfaction that accompany such efforts fully. Always be kind to yourself.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. If we are foolishly determined to fly, our wings will melt and hurl us back to earth. Reasonable expectations will keep us on the ground.
Recovery is a life’s work in progress. There is no absolute cure for social anxiety, no magic pill, but by practicing recovery tools over time, we experience an exponential and dramatic moderation of our symptoms. The key is always progress over perfection.
Perfectionism is a byproduct of overcompensation. Perfectionism leads us to set unreasonable expectations.
Reasonable expectations align our projections with the probability of success.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, regardless of its size, supports individuals who strive to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals who are uneasy in group settings. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
The primary distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder lies in the severity of symptoms. Not everyone is affected in the same way, as the intensity and persistence of symptoms vary widely from person to person. Although the characteristics and traits of these conditions may appear similar across individuals, each person’s experience is shaped by a unique combination of environment, life experiences, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.
Additionally, it is important to recognize that comorbidities—other mental health conditions that occur alongside social anxiety—are highly prevalent. This underscores the complexity of these anxiety disorders. As such, effective recovery strategies must address not only social anxiety but also its related conditions. Throughout this book, when recovery methods are discussed for social anxiety, social phobia, and social anxiety disorder, they are intended to apply to all three.
___________________________
Positive Psychology Waves in Recovery
There are two distinct but potentially complementary methods of psychological healthcare. The “wellness model” and the pathographic or “disease model,” which remains the current predominant approach. Its clinical, impersonal methodology focuses on the biological and neurological origins of mental well-being, emphasizing the disease rather than the individual.
To balance this myopic perspective, we need to incorporate the more empathetic, personalized approach of the wellness model.
The wellness model seeks to balance the disease model’s myopic perspective by considering the individuals’ assets. Such as their character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements. This model recognizes that a person’s condition is not simply a collection of negative traits. But rather a dynamic expression of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that reflect their emotional, mental, and moral character, and subsequent mental health.
The disease model, often viewed as defect-oriented, sharply contrasts with the asset-oriented wellness model. Essentially, the disease model of mental health concentrates on identifying what is wrong with us. While the wellness model emphasizes what is right about us.
A coalescence of both approaches is the ideal solution.
Humanistic Psychology
Positive psychology (PP) serves as the cornerstone of the wellness model. It has its roots in humanistic psychology. Supported by early influential figures such as Emerson, Thoreau, Carl Rogers, and Abraham Maslow. Pioneers of current positive psychology include Martin Seligman, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Carol Ryff, and Paul Wong.
Positive psychology provides essential elements for recovery from social anxiety and related conditions.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Humanistic Psychology
Humanistic psychology emphasizes the whole individual, stressing concepts such as free will, self-efficacy, and self-actualization. This approach fosters a holistic understanding of an individual, enabling them to live authentic and meaningful lives. It reminds us that we are not merely a collection of symptoms. But complex, unique individuals with the potential for growth and self-fulfillment, underlining the value of our individuality.
From Maslow to Seligman
Abraham Maslow first coined the term “positive psychology” in his 1954 seminal work, Motivation and Personality. He argued that psychology’s focus on disorder and dysfunction fails to capture human potential adequately. Maslow categorized human needs into five levels: physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization. He later expanded this hierarchy to include cognitive, aesthetic, and transcendence needs. Maslow’s hierarchy illustrates the importance of satisfying each level for psychological well-being and how each level influences the others.
Several decades later, Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyiintroduced the concept of optimal human functioning, which became the foundation of positive psychology. Seligman legitimized this field during his presidency of the American Psychological Association in 1998.
Interestingly, this development coincided with the publication of the 1984 fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (APA, 2014), which officially replaced the term “social phobia” with “social anxiety disorder (SAD).” The manual defined SAD as a “marked and persistent fear of one or more social or performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or possible scrutiny by others.” This historical context laid the foundation for the common characteristics and traits associated with social anxiety disorder.
Positive Psychology Interventions
Research by Chakhssi et al. (2018) has shown that positive psychology interventions can improve well-being and decrease psychological distress in individuals with mild depression, mood disorders, and even psychotic disorders. Studies support the use of positive psychological constructs, theories, and interventions to better understand and improve mental health.
Intervention research has tested various approaches to promoting well-being. A recent study found that positive psychology interventions resulted in “significant improvements in mental well-being (from non-flourishing to flourishing mental health) while also decreasing both anxiety and depressive symptom severity” (Schotanus-Dijkstra et al., 2018).
Continuing research suggests that a positive psychological outlook can directly improve life outcomes and enhance health. A meta-analysis by Sin and Lyubomirsky (2009) of 51 studies involving 4,266 individuals demonstrated that positive psychology interventions significantly enhance well-being and decrease depressive symptoms.
The academic discipline of positive psychology continues to develop evidence-based interventions that foster positive feelings, thoughts, or behaviors. The aforementioned study by Chakhssi et al. (2018) indicated that positive psychology interventions “decreased psychological distress in individuals with mood and depressive disorders and in patients with psychotic disorders, improving quality of life and well-being.”
Positive psychology presents promising strategies “to support recovery in people with common mental illnesses, and preliminary evidence suggests it can also be beneficial for those with more severe mental conditions” (Schrank et al., 2014).
The positive psychology perspective asserts that individuals with a mental disorder can lead satisfying and fulfilling lives, regardless of the symptoms or impairments associated with their diagnosis (Slade, 2010). Positive psychology aims “to emphasize the positive while managing and transforming the negative to increase well-being.”
By focusing on enhancing well-being and optimal functioning in addition to alleviating symptoms, the positive psychology movement seeks to destigmatize mental illness. Positive psychologists believe that the positive psychology perspective is essential to contemporary research to complement the long tradition of pathogen orientation.
1. Produce rapid, concentrated positive stimulation to offset the abundance of negative information in our brain’s metabolism.
2. Reclaim and rebuild our self-esteem and reintegrate into society through recognition and reinforcement of our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.
3. Replace, offset, or overwhelm our irrational thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones.
Positive Psychology
Positive psychology works through three sequential waves or aspects to address these recovery objectives. By focusing on our character strengths, positive psychology helps regenerate our self-esteem, undermined by social anxiety’s adverse self-appraisal. Additionally, it activates proactive neuroplasticity—the deliberate, repetitive input of positive information— to counterbalance the negative information stemming from core beliefs and assumptions related to our condition.
Positive psychology is called the science of optimal functioning. Its objective is to identify the strengths, virtues, and attributes necessary for individuals and society to live productive lives. Optimal functioning involves striving to reach our full potential and not just enduring life but flourishing in it.
Positive psychology began as a methodology that complements and supports traditional psychology rather than replacing it. Today, it is an umbrella term encompassing research on positive emotions and related topics. Such as creativity, optimism, resilience, empathy, compassion, humor, and emotional well-being. As a powerful tool for self-empowerment, positive psychology helps us reclaim our positive identity and understand our inherent strengths.
One of the first steps in our recovery journey is to identify these strengths and attributes that social anxiety may have obscured. A significant limitation of early positive psychology was its tendency to prioritize positive qualities. While overlooking the negative or real-world aspects of the human condition.
Positive Psychology 2.0
Recognizing the need for balance, psychologists advocated for a more holistic approach to well-being. Positive Psychology 2.0 emerged as a response to the previous singular focus on optimism, incorporating both positive and negative aspects of the holistic individual. Such an approach demonstrates the dialectical nature of human thought and behavior, recognizing that we possess both assets and flaws. This balanced self-awareness is essential for healing and growth, promoting a sense of equilibrium and a deeper understanding of our motivations.
Optimal human functioning is not solely about positivity. It involves living a balanced and meaningful life that fully engages both our positive and negative dimensions.
Positive Psychology 2.0 plays a crucial role in identifying and addressing the irrational fears and anxieties that contribute to negative self-appraisal, which can lead to the formation of automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). This process encourages us to respond to these thoughts with rationality, transforming them into opportunities for personal growth and change.
Positive Psychology 3.0
The third wave of positive psychology, PP 3.0 fosters a sense of community and belonging by broadening the focus of research and practice beyond the individual. It encompasses relationships, groups, organizations, and societies, exploring how our character and values reflect and contribute to the communities we are part of.
This third wave of development supports our reintegration into society by equipping us with tools and strategies for navigating transitions. Being mindful of our value and significance, enhanced by improved self-esteem, motivates us to pay it forward by supporting others, thereby strengthening our sense of connection.
In summary, Positive Psychology 1.0 focused on our character strengths, virtues, and attributes, serving as a powerful tool in early recovery. By recognizing and emphasizing our positive qualities, we counteract the abundance of neural negativity and adverse self-appraisal. This process helps us rediscover and prioritize our strengths, virtues, and achievements rather than our negative traits.
Recovery involves not only recognizing our strengths and virtues but also acknowledging our shortcomings. This balanced perspective is essential for healing and moving forward. The recovery process entails learning to identify the irrational fears and anxieties that drive our thoughts and behaviors, which contribute to the establishment of automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). Positive Psychology 2.0 provides the tools we need to navigate these challenges effectively.
Positive psychology 3.0 has expanded the focus of research and practice from just the individual to include relationships, groups, communities, organizations, and societies. This shift emphasizes how we can reintegrate into and contribute to our communities.
Self-esteem is a crucial aspect of our recovery. It embodies an empowering awareness of our qualities and character, including our imperfections. It involves not only how we perceive ourselves but also how we believe others perceive us and how we process that information. A healthy level of self-esteem reassures us of our worth and significance, empowering us to navigate our recovery journey with confidence and capability.
As we develop a renewed awareness of ourselves, we cultivate self-compassion and self-appreciation. Recognizing our unique contributions inspires and motivates us to share them with others. Interconnectedness is not just a natural progression of self-esteem. It’s a vital one that fosters a sense of caring and empathy, demonstrating the positive outcomes of recovery.
Positive psychology plays a significant role in our recovery journey. It goes beyond self-care; it’s about understanding our worth and potential while championing these beliefs in others. This moral evolution is a natural part of recovery, and positive psychology is a critical force in this process.
It’s essential to recognize that positive psychology is just one component of an effective recovery program. A comprehensive plan that incorporates closely related approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, active and proactive neuroplasticity, recovery-oriented cognitive therapy, schema therapy, cognitive-behavioral modification, acceptance and commitment therapy, rational emotive behavior therapy, and gradual exposure therapy, provides the necessary support for a well-rounded recovery program.
_______________
APA. American Psychiatric Association. (1984). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed.).American Psychiatric Association. Washington, DC.
Chakhssi, F., Kraiss, J.T., Sommers-Spijkerman, M. et al. (2018). The effect of positive psychology interventions on well-being and distress in clinical samples with psychiatric or somatic disorders: a systematic review and meta-analysis. BMC Psychiatry 18, 211 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-018-1739-2
Maslow, A. H. (1954). Motivation and personality. Harper, New York City
Schotanus-Dijkstra, M., Drossaert, C.H.C., Pieterse, M.E. et al. (2018) Towards sustainable mental health promotion: trial-based health-economic evaluation of a positive psychology intervention versus usual care. BMC Psychiatry 18, 265 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-018-1825-5
Schrank B, Brownell T, Tylee A, Slade M. (2014). Positive psychology: an approach to supporting recovery in mental illness. East Asian Arch Psychiatry. 2014 Sep;24(3):95-103. PMID: 25316800.
Sin, N. L., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2009). Enhancing well-being and alleviating depressive symptoms with positive psychology interventions: A practice-friendly meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 65(5), 467–487. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20593
Slade, M. (2010) Mental illness and well-being: the central importance of positive psychology and recovery approaches. BMC Health Serv Res 10, 26 (2010). https://doi.org/10.1186/1472-6963-10-26
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, regardless of its size, supports individuals who strive to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals who are uneasy in group settings. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
The primary distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder lies in the severity of symptoms. Not everyone is affected in the same way, as the intensity and persistence of symptoms vary widely from person to person. Although the characteristics and traits of these conditions may appear similar across individuals, each person’s experience is shaped by a unique combination of environment, life experiences, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.
Additionally, it is important to recognize that comorbidities—other mental health conditions that occur alongside social anxiety—are highly prevalent. This prevalence underscores the complexity of these anxiety disorders. As such, effective recovery strategies must address not only social anxiety but also its related conditions. Throughout this book, when recovery methods are discussed for social anxiety, social phobia, and social anxiety disorder, they are intended to apply to all three.
____________________________________________
___________________________________________
Before getting to the main topic of this post, I would like to address a question I frequently receive from our readers. Why, in the subheading, do we emphasize social anxiety’s related conditions?
There is a high degree of comorbidity between social anxiety and other mental health problems, most notably depression and substance abuse. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America and other experts include many emotional and mental disorders related to, components of, or consequences of social anxiety disorder, including avoidant personality disorder, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, eating disorders, OCD, and schizophrenia. I have seen statistics showing that 25% to 70% of people experiencing social anxiety also have depression and substance abuse problems.
A comprehensive treatment program must not only address the symptoms of social anxiety but also any related conditions that impact an individual’s recovery.
Dealing with Loss in Recovery
The three primary objectives in recovery from social anxiety are to:
Produce rapid, concentrated positive stimulation to offset the abundance of negative information in our brain’s metabolism.
Reclaim and rebuild our self-esteem and reintegrate into society through redeployment of our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.
Replace, offset, or overwhelm our irrational thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones.
Each objective in recovery is achieved by replacement. To replace is to put something or someone in the place of another. Consequently, we experience the loss of that which has been replaced.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Neuroplasticity
Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to form and reorganize synaptic connections, especially in response to learning or experience. Each time we register new information—meaning our brain notices or detects it—our neural network realigns and restructures. This ongoing process leads to significant changes in our behavior and perspective.
Through neuroplasticity, we change the form and configuration of our neural network. Our brains are not fixed entities; they constantly adapt and evolve in response to new information. They gain and lose synapses, promote neurogenesis, and rewire circuits.
We experience a renewed sense of self as well as a feeling of emptiness and longing for what we have replaced or unlearned.
We usually think of loss in the broader sense—that of a job, home, or a loved one. In recovery from social anxiety, the primary loss is of irrational thoughts and behaviors. The empowerment we gain from our new mindsets compensates for this loss. Still, we experience a sense of missing elements of our personalities to which we have been attached, sometimes for decades.
The loss can be a disturbing experience – one whose subtlety does not usually reach the severity of trauma but is subconsciously present just the same. Trauma may occur if the replacement of certain habits, such as substance abuse, causes an intense emotional and physiological reaction. The loss of adverse habits alone can generate a vacuum that can moderately impact the emotional well-being of someone who is depressive or anxious.
Awareness of this factor is essential to recovery.
Replacement Creates Loss
Through treatment for social anxiety and related conditions, we mitigate our destructive thoughts and behaviors by replacing them with healthier alternatives. Notwithstanding, we still experience the residual effects of those thoughts and behaviors that permeated our neural network for years.
There is a weaning process that occurs when we modify or replace ingrained habits.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Hardwired Resistance to Change
We are genetically hardwired to resist change and physiologically structured to attack anything that disrupts our status quo. Our bodies and minds naturally resist change, as it disrupts our sense of balance and stability.
Experiencing loss can alter our heart rate, metabolism, and respiration. Physiological inertia senses and resists these changes, while our basal ganglia, involved in processes such as emotions, motivations, and habits, oppose any modification of our patterns of thought and behavior.
Neurological Impact
Our neural network, the complex web of interconnected neurons in our brain, doesn’t distinguish between healthy and toxic information. It responds identically to all registered stimuli. It activates the same long-term potentiation. A process that strengthens the connection between neurons and provides the same BDNF proteins associated with improved cognitive functioning.
It also releases the same chemical hormones that support us physiologically and psychologically. This activity means that the loss we experience can have a subtle negative impact on our brain, leading to confusion, depression, guilt, and withdrawal. Understanding this neurological impact can help us navigate the recovery process more effectively.
It is human nature to experience and regret the loss of things that have been part and parcel of our being. It is prudent to be mindful of this loss because it can affect our minds, bodies, emotions, and dispositions. In early recovery, this can be problematic if not understood and anticipated. There is continuing potential for recidivism.
However, with the awareness of the inevitability of loss, no matter how seemingly inconsequential, we can help circumvent recidivism and feel more in control of our recovery journey. This understanding is essential to the recovery process, as it allows us to acknowledge and manage those feelings of loss that will inevitably arise.
Awareness and preparedness can effectively moderate adverse reactions.
As the godfather of positive psychology, Abraham Maslow, assures us, “…the loss of illusions and the discovery of identity, though painful at first, can be ultimately exhilarating and strengthening.”
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals who are uneasy in group settings. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
In a recent post, we discussed the benefits of taking a break in our recovery. “Allowing yourself this time off enables your neural network to process and integrate the work you’ve done. Let your brain do the heavy lifting while you enjoy your break.” So, whether you are deep into recovery, just beginning, or even considering it, you are feeding your neural network positive information.
This is especially important during the holiday season. Our holiday schedules are filled with family reunions, gift shopping, and other activities that take precedence over recovery. That doesn’t mean we’re neglecting our new learning. It just means we’re taking a necessary break from it. The learning doesn’t stop. Our neural network continues to process information, and our recovery goes on.
Recovery from social anxiety takes hard work and dedication. It is not a quick fix. It’s a gradual process that begins immediately and grows incrementally and exponentially.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Resolutions
In a couple of recovery groups, we briefly discussed traditional New Year’s resolutions. Most of us don’t take them seriously because it’s common knowledge that people rarely adhere to them. They’re short-term commitments that are forgotten by the second week of January.
Recovery is already filled with long-term resolutions and processes necessary for mitigating our symptoms and improving our emotional well-being and quality of life.
So, to start this new year, rather than trying to come up with easily neglected, pointless resolutions, let’s take credit for some of the long-term learning tools we already use in our recovery.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Recovery Resolutions
Avoid Perfectionism. We are imperfect in our humanness. The unreasonable pursuit of perfectionism to compensate for our adverse self-image aggravates our anxiety and depression. Chasing the unattainable distracts us from issues and concerns that require your immediate attention.
Choose Supportive Relationships. Spend Time with people who make you happy. Don’t waste time on people who don’t treat you well. Spending time with people who treat you poorly is foolish and irrational. While we can’t always choose our family or certain colleagues, we can choose our friends and romantic partners.
Cultivate Gratitude. Take time to acknowledge and appreciate the good people, things, and experiences in your lives. Expressing gratitude enhances your mental, emotional, and physical well-being, strengthening social connections and relationships.
Do Things You Enjoy. Start by making a list of things you like to do—things that make you happy. Try to do something from that list every day. Be mindful that you are valuable, consequential, and deserve to be happy.
Embrace Joy and Laughter. The endorphins and hormones released during joyful moments significantly enhance your psychological health. Laughter and joy invigorate your cardiovascular and muscular systems, elevate your energy, and bolster your immune defenses.
Smiling and laughing stimulate neurotransmitters that reduce fear and anxiety while promoting learning, concentration, and motivation. (Social anxiety does not thrive in a joyful environment.)
Embrace Your Humanness. To foster genuine self-esteem and support your recovery, it helps to accept your totality—the good, the bad, and the ugly. You are unique individuals, defined by a dynamic interplay of strengths, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies. Understanding yourself is a key element of recovery.
Establish and Maintain Boundaries. Boundaries define which behaviors you find acceptable. They safeguard your space, feelings, limitations, and expectations. They enable you to assert your identity and shield you from manipulation and exploitation. Setting boundaries equips you to manage others’ influence on your life.
Evaluate Upsetting Thoughts. Treat negative, intrusive thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns. Ask yourself, “What can I think and do to make this feeling or perspective less stressful?”
Focus on the Positive. Think about the parts of your life that work well. Remember the skills you’ve used to cope with challenges. Recognize and utilize your character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.
Forgive. Holding onto hostility and resentment is self-indulgent and emotionally enervating. Forgiving frees up valuable space in your neural network. It opens you to new possibilities, allowing you to move forward unencumbered by the past.
Forgive Yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. But mistakes aren’t permanent reflections of you as a person. They’re moments in time. Mistakes are evidence of our humanness.
Make Healthy Choices. It is crucial to follow guidelines for good health. This includes engaging in at least 30 minutes of exercise daily, maintaining a healthy, moderate diet, and ensuring restful, undistracted sleep.
Positive Personal Affirmations. A primary asset for neural restructuring, positive personal affirmations are also practical tools for managing triggers, associated fears, corresponding ANTs, and other stressful situations.
Practice Self-Compassion. You deserve to be happy. This means prioritizing self-care, engaging in activities that bring satisfaction and joy, and surrounding yourself with people who recognize your worth and uplift you.
Reframe Your Perspective. You control your emotional well-being. No one has that power. Your tendency to view the glass as half empty perpetuates anxiety and depression. Instead, create optimistic outcome scenarios and reframe potential problems as opportunities for growth and learning.
Change your perspective on social anxiety. Rather than viewing it as a monster, we should reframe it as a unique yet remediable experience that has made us stronger and more resilient in the face of adversity.
Reward Yourself. Self-reward is tangible appreciation of our effort and progress. When you reward yourself, your brain releases a chemical rush of dopamine that makes you feel good. This feeling strengthens the connection between your constructive behavior and the positive outcome, making you more likely to repeat the action in the future. Reward also releases endorphins for mood elevation, GABA and serotonin for relaxation, and oxytocin and endorphins that generate feelings of satisfaction and pleasure.
Set Realistic Expectations. Success comes from setting practical, attainable goals that help build your confidence in overcoming challenges. When you set reasonable expectations, you help ensure a positive outcome.
Silence Your Inner Critic. By refusing to listen to your SAD-induced inner critic, you break the cycle of self-sabotage. Learn to say “no” to your symptoms and negative self-appraisals. Distancing yourself from self-critical thoughts rebuilds your self-confidence and fosters a more favorable outlook on life.
Use Hopeful Statements. Social anxiety compels you to project unsatisfactory outcomes. Challenge that thinking by focusing on the positive. Remember, it is unhealthy and irrational to choose outcomes that are harmful and unproductive. Filter out negative projections.
Do not define yourself by your social anxiety. Define yourself by your character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals who are uneasy in group settings. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
All of us who keep ReChanneling running smoothly would like to wish our subscribers, clients, colleagues, and friends a healthy and productive 2026.
Some updates for the new year.
We are still in the process of finalizing, with the publisher, the editing of our upcoming book, A Survivor’s Common-Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety. Accounting for the average schedule to edit and get to print, we hope to make this book available sometime in the early spring.
Upcoming Workshops, Updates, and Scholarships
Group and Workshop Opportunities
Once the book is published, we will once again offer groups and recovery workshops specifically designed for individuals dealing with social anxiety and its comorbidities. Our commitment includes continuing online support groups and workshops. We are also considering reinstating site workshops to be held in the San Francisco Bay Area.
If your group or organization is interested in sponsoring a seminar or workshop outside the Bay Area, we are eager to collaborate and bring our programs to your location.
Weekly Updates ad Posts
We also plan to resume our regular schedule of weekly updates and posts, keeping everyone informed and engaged with the latest news and resources.
Scholarship Fund Growth
Finally, we are pleased to announce that our scholarship funds have now grown to $4,575.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
The Importance of Journaling in the Recovery Process
The following information is well covered in our upcoming book.
Keeping a written or electronic journal plays a crucial role in the recovery journey. Journaling is much more than simply jotting down random thoughts or notes—it is a thoughtful and intentional practice that encourages both personal growth and self-reflection. Journaling helps us broaden our self-awareness through regular reflection and honest expression.
By recording our experiences and examining how our condition affects us personally, we can shape our own story and actively participate in our healing process.
How Journaling Impacts the Brain
Scientific studies have shown that journaling activates several vital areas of the brain. One of these is the prefrontal cortex, which governs rational thinking and decision-making. Journaling also influences the limbic system, a central region that helps manage our emotions.
Journaling contributes to the rewiring of our neural pathways—a process known as neuroplasticity. This change is fundamental to recovery because it helps establish healthier patterns of thought and behavior.
Writing provides a safe and dependable outlet for complete self-expression. It allows us to communicate our thoughts and feelings without fear of interruption or criticism, creating a private space to explore and understand ourselves more deeply.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Other Benefits of Journaling
Physical Benefits
Journaling offers a range of physical health benefits. For instance, writing before bedtime can help us fall asleep more quickly. By focusing on worries or creating a to-do list, we may improve the overall quality of our sleep experience.
Studies have also found that writing and gratitude journaling can strengthen our body’s immune function.
Additionally, research links journaling to improved overall physical and mental wellness, with enhanced physical functioning observed among medical populations.
Mental Benefits
Journaling can be a powerful tool for managing mental health. Expressive writing, for example, is shown to effectively reduce symptoms of depression.
Journaling can also alleviate symptoms of anxiety, especially through “positive affect journaling,” which focuses on positive emotions.
Certain journaling practices have been shown to help reduce stress. One study found that burnout and compassion fatigue rates decreased significantly among nurses who participated in a series of journaling classes.
Narrative writing, which involves writing about traumatic events, has been shown to reduce symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Journaling can also help us develop self-distance—the ability to reflect on past events and emotions as an objective observer. This skill reduces emotional reactivity and physical distress.
The act of writing about experiences and reflecting on them has proven helpful in mental health settings, facilitating recovery and improving self-awareness.
Journaling can boost emotional intelligence by increasing our awareness of personal emotions and feelings, whether we are in therapy or journaling independently.
A specific method called “reflective practice journaling” (RPJ) has been linked to improved self-confidence, self-knowledge, and coping skills, especially among nursing students.
Classroom journaling and expressive writing have also contributed to greater self-efficacy and a stronger sense of self-control, fostering personal growth.
Academic Benefits
Journaling can enhance academic performance in several ways. Reflective journaling has been shown to improve critical thinking skills in both nursing faculty and students.
Journaling as a meditative activity can inspire creativity, boost personal growth, and increase emotional awareness.
When journaling includes writing down goals, it may help increase our chances of achieving them, as found in multiple studies.
If our journaling practice combines drawing with writing, we may experience better recall of events compared to writing alone, according to a 2022 report.
Finally, a 2022 study found that regular journaling helps improve study habits, prioritize tasks, and boost overall productivity, thereby strengthening academic performance.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals who are uneasy in group settings. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
Growth, Learning, and Patience on the Path to Overcoming Social Anxiety
Robert F. Mullen, PhD Director/ReChanneling
For each new subscriber, ReChanneling donates $25 for workshop scholarships.
AI Generated: Understanding Setbacks in Recovery
Our upcoming book, A Survivor’s Common-Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety, is with the publisher. Publication is anticipated for February 2026.
Recovery from social anxiety and its comorbidities is often an exacting process. The challenges arise from our natural resistance to change and the complexity involved in learning new patterns of thought and behavior.
Successful recovery requires heightened awareness—recognizing, comprehending, and accepting not only new terms and concepts, but also our personal transformation.
Taking Breaks: Not a Setback, But a Step Forward
It’s essential to understand that stepping back from this intensive learning process does not mean we’re failing to grasp its complexities. On the contrary, taking breaks is a crucial aspect of the journey. These periods of rest allow us to return to our recovery with renewed clarity and deeper understanding.
Embracing Setbacks
Setbacks are inevitable; we should expect and welcome them. They are not signs of defeat, but rather an integral part of the learning process. There is no need to feel overwhelmed or to doubt our ability to learn. Instead, recognize that setbacks are simply waypoints along the journey, not the final destination.
The Continual Nature of Learning
Learning and growth persist even during interruptions or detours. Our neural networks are constantly operating, whether we are awake, asleep, or engaged in other activities. The process of change does not halt when we pause our conscious efforts; our brains continue working in the background, doing what they do best: processing, organizing, and retaining information.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Retention of Progress
Although stress or cognitive neglect may temporarily disrupt our neural circuits, the knowledge and progress we have gained remain accessible—except in extreme cases of advanced neural atrophy. While we may sometimes compartmentalize or misplace information, we cannot truly lose it. The evolution of our neural network is a forward-moving process.
Once we begin the journey of recovery, the skills and insights we acquire are ours to keep. Recovery is not just about fixing what was wrong, but about ongoing growth and learning. The progress we make cannot be unlearned.
Patience and Perseverance
It is perfectly acceptable to take time away from active recovery practices. Setbacks, obstacles, and unexpected detours are a natural part of the recovery path, and we can still reach our goals despite these meanderings.
Recovery is not a quick fix; it is a gradual process that begins immediately and grows both incrementally and exponentially. There is no instant cure for social anxiety, and prescription medications do not offer a permanent solution. Actual change comes from persistent effort and ongoing self-development.
Focusing on Progress
Rather than striving for perfection, which is unattainable, we should focus on daily progress. Each step forward, no matter how small, contributes to the overall journey of recovery.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
The Importance of Practice and Time
Many individuals have lived with social anxiety for decades, so it is only natural that recovery will take time and practice. Patience and perseverance are essential. Just as champions train for years and musicians dedicate countless hours to their craft, overcoming social anxiety requires sustained effort. As Lao Tzu wisely reminds us, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Put down the book or the practice sessions and allow yourself a well-deserved rest. Set aside a couple of days to step back from your current routine and reward yourself for all the effort and hard work you have invested.
Allowing yourself this time off enables your neural network to process and integrate the work you’ve done. Let your brain do the heavy lifting while you enjoy your break.
Taking Time to Rest and Recharge
After investing significant energy and dedication into your recovery journey, it is important to recognize when you need a break. . Take a couple of days to step back from your current routine and acknowledge all the effort you have put in by rewarding yourself.
Engaging in Enjoyable Activities
During this break, focus on activities that bring you happiness and relaxation. Choose to engage in a favorite hobby or pursue something that you genuinely enjoy. Whether you decide to go to a movie, spend quality time with friends, or simply rest and recharge at home, give yourself permission to unwind and let go of any pressures.
Integrating Progress Through Rest
Giving yourself this time off allows your neural network to process and integrate the work you’ve accomplished. Let your brain do the heavy lifting while you take this necessary break, knowing that rest and self-care are essential parts of your ongoing progress.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals who are uneasy in group settings. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
For each new subscriber, ReChanneling donates $25 for workshop scholarships.
AI Generated: Table of Contents | Publishing Update
Publishing Update
We forwarded our book, A Survivor’s Common-Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety to the publisher. At this stage, we do not yet have an estimated release date.
The publisher has asked us to refrain from sharing any of the book’s content until we receive formal approval. However, we are permitted to publish the table of contents, which should give readers a general idea of what to expect in the book.
Caveat
The primary distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder lies in the severity of symptoms experienced. Not everyone is affected in the same way.The intensity and persistence of symptoms can vary greatly from person to person. Although the characteristics and traits of these conditions may appear similar across individuals, each person’s experience is shaped by a unique combination of environment, life experiences, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.
Additionally, it is important to recognize that comorbidities—other mental health conditions that occur alongside social anxiety—are highly prevalent. This reality highlights the complex nature of these anxiety disorders. As such, effective recovery strategies must address not only social anxiety, social phobia, and social anxiety disorder, but also the multiple related conditions that often coexist. Throughout this book, when recovery methods are discussed for one of these conditions, they are intended to apply broadly to all three.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
PART I: ACCOUNTABILITY
Chapter One: It’s Not Our Fault Chapter Two: Trust the Process Chapter Three: Always Being Right Chapter Four: The Examined Life Chapter Five: The Destructive Nature of Blame
PART II: NEUROPLASTICITY
Chapter Six: Feeding Our Neural Network Chapter Seven: The Sky is Falling Chapter Eight: Reconstructing Our Neural Network Chapter Nine: Control Fallacies Chapter Ten: Hemispheric Synchronization Chapter Eleven: Emotional Reasoning
PART III: SELF-ESTEEM
Chapter Twelve: Reclaiming and Rebuilding Our Self-Esteem Chapter Thirteen: Filtering and Polarized Thinking Chapter Fourteen: The Importance of a Character Resume Chapter Fifteen: Stop and Smell the Roses Chapter Sixteen: Defense Mechanisms and Social Anxiety Chapter Seventeen: Fallacy of Fairness and Heaven’s Reward Fallacy
PART IV: FEAR-RELATED SITUATIONS
Chapter Eighteen: Origins of Our Automatic Negative Thoughts Chapter Nineteen: Identifying Fear-Related Situations Chapter Twenty: Coping Strategies for Anticipated Situations Chapter Twenty-One: Visualization and Suggestion Chapter Twenty-Two: Fear Situation Plan
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
For each new subscriber, ReChanneling donates $25 for workshop scholarships.
AI Generated: Relationships | Social Anxiety’s Failure to Establish, Develop, and Maintain Healthy Relationships. Part II
The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.
I recognize that I have fallen behind on my weekly posts. We have been finalizing editing of our upcoming book, A Survivor’s Common Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety, which goes to the publisher next week. Accounting for the average four-month schedule to get to print, we hope to make this book available sometime in the spring.
Social Anxiety’s Failure to Establish, Develop, and Maintain Healthy Relationships. Part II
From C.-H. Mayer and E. Vanderheiden (eds), International Handbook of Love. Springer Nature Switzerland, 2025. 10.1007/978-3-031-76665-7_59-1
Categories of Interpersonal Love
In Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle. (1999) encapsulates love as “a sort of excess of feeling.” Utilizing the classic Greek categories of interpersonal love is vital to this study; each classification illustrates how SAD symptoms thwart the subject’s means of acquisition in seven of eight categories (except healthy philautia ).
The three primary categories, (1) philia (comradeship), (2) eros (sexual), and (3) agape (selfless and unconditional), are followed by (4) storge (family), (5) ludus (provocative), (6) pragma (practical), and the two extremes of philautia: (7) narcissistic and (8) positive self-qualities. Forms of inanimate love are excluded from this study, “including love for experiences (meraki), objects (érōs), and places (chōros)” (Lomas, 2017):
Philia
Aristotle called philia “one of the most indispensable requirements of life” (Grewal, 2016). Philia is a bonding of individuals with mutual experiences—a “warm affection in intimate friendship” (Helm, 2017). This platonic love subsists on shared experience and personal disclosure. A core symptom of a SAD person is the fear of revealing something that will make them appear “boring, stupid or incompetent” (Ades & Dias, 2013). Even the anticipation of interaction causes “significant anxiety, fear, self-consciousness, and embarrassment” (Richards, 2014) because of the fear of being scrutinized or judged by others (Mayoclinic, 2017b).
Eros
Eros is reciprocal feelings of shared arousal between people physically attracted to each other, the fulfillment declared by the sexual act. The SAD person’s self-image of undesirability and fears of intimacy (Montesi et al., 2013) and rejection (Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014) has significant consequences in terms of acquiring a sexual partner and satisfaction of the sexual act. SAD’s culture of maladaptive self-appraisal poses severe challenges to their ability to establish, develop, and maintain romantic relationships (Cuncic, 2018; Topaz, 2018). A study by Montesi et al. (2013), examining the SAD person’s symptomatic fear of intimacy and sexual communication concluded “socially anxious individuals experience less sexual satisfaction in their intimate partnerships than nonanxious individuals, a relationship that has been well documented in previous research.” The study reported a lacuna of literature, however, examining the sexual communication of SAD persons.
Agape
Through the universal mandate to love thy neighbor, the concept of agape embraces unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance (Helm, 2017). SAD generally infects adolescents who have experienced detachment, exploitation, and or neglect (Steele, 1995). This form of love characterizes itself through unselfish giving; the SAD person’s maladaptive self-belief that she or he is the constant focus of attention is a form of self-centeredness bordering on narcissism (Mayoclinic, 2017a).
Storge
Again, the primary cause of SAD stems from childhood hereditary, environmental (Felman, 2018; NAMI, 2019), or traumatic events (Mayoclinic, 2017b). In each case, the SAD person is exploited (unconsciously or otherwise) in the formative stages of human motivational development: physiological safety, belongingness, and love (Maslow, 1943). As a result, storge or familial love and protection, vital to the healthy development of the family unit, are severely affected. The exploited adolescent (Steele, 1995) faces serious challenges recognizing or embracing familial love as an adolescent or adult.
Ludus
The SAD persons’ conflict with the provocative playfulness of ludus is evident in the fear of being judged and negatively evaluated by others (Mayoclinic, 2017b) as well as themselves (Hulme et al., 2012; Ritter et al., 2013). Persons experiencing SAD do not find social interaction pleasurable (Richards, 2019) and have limited expectations that things will work out advantageously (Mayoclinic, 2017b). Finally, SAD persons’ maladaptive self-beliefs generally result in inappropriate behavior in social situations (Kampmann et al., 2019).
Pragma
The obvious synonym for pragma is practicality—a balanced and constructive quality counterintuitive to someone whose modus operandi is discordant thought and behavior (Richards,2014; Zimmerman et al., 2010). Pragma is mutual interests and goals securing a working and endurable partnership facilitated by rational behavior and expectation. The SAD personality sustains itself through irrationality (Felman, 2018) and maladaptive self-beliefs (Hulme et al., 2012; Ritter et al., 2013). The pragmatic individual deals with relationships sensibly and realistically, conforming to typical standards. The overriding objective of a SAD person is to “avoid situations that most people consider ‘normal’” (WebMD, 2019).
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
The onset of SAD is a consequence of early psychophysiological disturbance (Mayoclinic, 2017a). The receptive juvenile might be the product of bullying (Felman, 2018), abuse (NAMI, 2019), or a broken home. Perhaps parental behaviors are overprotective or controlling or do not provide emotional validation (Cuncic, 2018).
Subsequently, the SAD person finds it difficult to let their guard down and express vulnerability, even with someone they love and trust (Cuncic, 2018). Alden et al. (2018) note that SAD persons “find it difficult, in their intimate relationships, to be able to self-disclose, to reciprocate the affection others show toward them.”
There is a large body of research linking love with positive mental and physical health outcomes (Rodebaugh et al., 2015). Relationships, love, and associations with others lead one to recognition of their value to society “and motivates them towards building communities, culture and work for the welfare of others” (Capon & Blakely, 2007).
Love is developed through social connectedness. Social connectedness, essential to personal development, is one of the central psychological needs “required for better psychological development and well-being” (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Social connectedness plays a significant role as mediator in the relationship between SAD and interpersonal love (Lee et al., 2008) and is strongly associated with the level of self-esteem (Fatima et al., 2018).
Philautia
The seventh and eighth categories of interpersonal love are the two extremes of philautia: narcissism and positive self-qualities. To Aristotle, healthy philautia is vigorous “in both its orientation to self and to others” due to its inherent virtue (Grewal, 2016). “By contrast, its darker variant encompasses notions such as narcissism, arrogance and egotism” (Lomas, 2017). In its positive aspect, any interactivity “has beneficial consequences, whereas in the latter case, philautia will have disastrous consequences” (Fialho, 2007):
The good man should be a lover of self (for he will both himself profit by doing noble acts, and will benefit his fellows), but the wicked man should not; for he will hurt both himself and his neighbors, following as he does evil passions. (Grewal, 2016)
Unhealthy Philautia
Unhealthy philautia is akin to borderline narcissism—a mental condition in which people function with an “inflated sense of their own importance [and a] deep need for excessive attention and admiration.” Behind this mask of extreme confidence, the Mayoclinic Report (2017a) states “lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” SAD persons live on the periphery of morbid self-absorption through their self-centeredness. Their obsession with excessive attention (ADAA, 2019b) mirrors that of unhealthy philautia.
In Classical Greece, persons could be accused of unhealthy philautia if they placed themselves above the greater good. Today, hubris refers to “an inflated sense of one’s status, abilities, or accomplishments, especially when accompanied by haughtiness or arrogance” (Burton, 2016). The self-centeredness and self-absorption of a SAD person often present themselves as arrogance; in fact, the words are synonymous. The critical difference is that SAD persons do not possess an inflated sense of their own importance but one of insignificance.
Healthy Philautia
Aquinas’ (1981) response to demons and disorder states “Evil cannot exist without good.” The Greeks believed that the narcissism of unhealthy philautia would not exist without its complementary opposition to healthy philautia, commonly interpreted as the self-esteeming virtue—an unfortunate and wholly incomplete definition. Rather than only focusing on self-esteem, philautia incorporates the broader spectrum of all positive self-qualities:
Rather, we are concerned here with various positive qualities prefixed by the term self, including -esteem, -efficacy, -reliance, -compassion, and -resliance. Aristotle argued in Nichomachean Ethics that self-love is a precondition for all other forms of love. (Lomas, 2017)
Positive self-qualities determine one’s relation to self, others, and the world. They recognize that one is of value, consequential, and worthy of love. “Philautia is important in every sphere of life and can be considered a basic human need” (Sharma, 2014). To the Greeks, philautia “is the root of the heart of all the other loves” (Jericho, 2015). Gadamer (2009) writes of philautia: “Thus it is; in self-love one becomes aware of the true ground and the condition for all possible bonds with others and commitment to oneself.” Healthy philautia is the love that is within oneself. It is not, explains Jericho (2015), “the desire for self and the root of selfishness.” Ethicist John Deigh (2001) writes:
Accordingly, when Aristotle remarks that a man’s friendly relations with others come from his relations with himself … he is making the point that self-love (philautia ), as the best exemplar of love … is the standard by which to judge the friendliness of the man’s relations with others.
Positive self-qualities are obscured by SAD’s culture of maladaptive self-beliefs and the interruption of the normal course of natural motivational development. Positive psychology embraces “a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors” (Cherry, 2019). It measures “how much a person values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself” (Blascovich & Tomaka, 1991). Ritter et al. (2013) conducted a study on the relationship of SAD and self-esteem. The research concluded that SAD persons have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls, which manifest in maladaptive self-beliefs of incompetence, unattractiveness, unworthiness, and other irrational self-evaluations.
Healthy philautia is essential for any relationship; it is easy to recognize how the continuous infusion of healthy philautia into a SAD person supports self-positivity and interconnectedness with all aspects of interpersonal love. “One sees in self-love the defining marks of friendship, which one then extends to a man’s friendships with others” (Deigh,2001).
Self-worth and self-respect improve self-confidence, which allows the individual to overcome fears of criticism and rejection. Risk becomes less potentially consequential, and the playful aspects of ludus are less threatening. Self-assuredness opens the door to traits commonly associated with successful interpersonal connectivity—persistence and persuasiveness, optimism of engagement, and willingness to vulnerability.
A SAD person’s recognition of their inherent value generates the realization that they “are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect” (Ackerman, 2019). The philautia described by Aristotle “is a necessary condition to achieve happiness” (Arreguín, 2009), which, as we continue down the classical Greek path, is eudemonic. “To feel joy and fulfillment at being you is the experience of philautia” (Jericho, 2015). In the words of positive psychologist Stephen (2019), eudaimonia:
describes the notion that living in accordance with one’s daimon, which we take to mean ‘character and virtue,’ leads to the renewed awareness of one’s ‘meaning and purpose in life.’
Aristotle touted the striving for excellence as humanity’s inherent aspiration (Kraut,2018). He described eudaimonia as “activity in accordance with virtue” (Shields, 2015). Eudaimonia reflects the best activities of which man is capable. The word eudaimonia reflects personal and societal well-being as the chief good for man. “The eudaimonic approach … focuses on meaning and self-realization and defines well-being in terms of the degree to which a person is fully functioning” (Ryan & Deci, 2001). It is through recognition of one’s positive self-qualities and their potential productive contribution to the general welfare that one rediscovers the intrinsic capacity for love.
Let us view this through the symbolism of Socrates’ tale of the Cave (Plato, 1992). In it, we discover SAD persons chained to the wall. Their perspectives are generated from the shadows projected by the unapproachable light outside the cave. They name these maladaptive self-beliefs as useless, incompetent, timid, ineffectual, ugly, insignificant, and stupid.
The prisoners have formed a subordinate dependency on their surroundings and resist any other reality until, one day, they find themselves loosed from their bondage and emerge into the light. Like the cave dwellers, the SAD person breaks away from maladaptive self-beliefs into healthy philautia ’s positive self-qualities, which encourage and support connectivity to all forms of interpersonal love.
A study published in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (Hulme et al., 2012) looked at the effect of positive self-images on self-esteem in the SAD person. Eighty-eight students were screened with the Social Interaction Anxiety Scale (SIAS) and divided between the low self-esteem group and the high self-esteem group. The study had two visions. The first was to study the effect of positive and negative self-appraisal on implicit and explicit self-esteem. The second was to investigate how positive self-beliefs would affect the negative impact of social exclusion on explicit self-esteem and whether high socially anxious participants would benefit as much as low socially anxious participants.
The researchers used a variety of measures and instruments. The Social Interaction Anxiety Scale is standard in SAD therapy and CBT workshops; the Implicit Association Test reveals the strength of the association between two different concepts. The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale is a ten-item self-report measure of explicit self-esteem, the State-Trait Anxiety Inventory-Trait (STAI-T) is a 20-item scale that measures trait anxiety, and the Depression Anxiety Stress Scale-21 (DASS-21) is a self-report scale measuring depression, anxiety, and general distress:
Social exclusion is inherently aversive and reduces explicit self-esteem in healthy individuals … the effect of exclusion has been measured in terms of its impact on positive affect and on four fundamental need scores (self-esteem, control, belonging, and meaningful existence) which contribute to psychological well-being. (Hulme et al., 2012)
The study’s results were consistent with evidence that was based on implicit self-esteem in other disorders; it found that negative self-imagery reduces positive implicit self-esteem in both high and low socially anxious participants. It provided supporting evidence of the effectiveness of promoting positive self-beliefs over negative ones, “because these techniques help patients to access a more positive working self” (Hulme et al., 2012). It also demonstrated that positive self-imagery maintained explicit self-esteem even in the face of social exclusion.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Conclusion
For 25 years, since the appearance of SAD in DSM-IV, the cognitive-behavioral approach has reportedly been effective in addressing social anxiety disorder. It is structurally sound and would conceivably remain the foundation for future programs. However, it is not the therapeutic panacea it claims to be. Productive cognitive-behavioral approaches emphasize replacing SAD’s automatic negative thoughts and behaviors (ANTs) with automatic rational ones (ARTs). As defined by UCLA psychologists Hazlett-Stevens and Craske (2002), CBT:
approaches treatment with the assumption that a specific central or core feature is responsible for the observed symptoms and behavior patterns experienced (i.e., lawful relationships exist between this core feature and the maladaptive symptoms that result). Therefore, once the central feature is identified, targeted in treatment, and changed, the resulting maladaptive thoughts, symptoms, and behaviors will also change.
Clinicians and researchers have reported the lack of a precise, diagnostic definition for social anxiety disorder; features overlap and are comorbid with other mental health problems (ADAA, 2019a; Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014). Experts cite substantial discrepancies and disparities in the definition, epidemiology, assessment, and treatment of SAD (Nagata et al., 2015). More specifically, according to a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (Alden et al., 2018), “there is not enough attention paid in the literature to the ability to function in the close relationships” required for interpersonal love.
Standard CBT also lacks methodological clarity. Johnsen and Friborg (2015) cite the various forms of CBT used in studies and therapy over the years. Experts point to two predominant types of CBT: “the unadulterated CBT created by Beck and Ellis, which reflects the protocol-driven, highly goal-oriented, more standardized approach they first popularized” and the more integrative and collaborative approaches of “modern” CBT (Wong et al., 2013). This study maintains that neither faction should be ignored if we are to effectively address the complexities of positive self-qualities and their importance to the individual’s psychological well-being.
The deficit of positive self-qualities in individuals impaired by SAD’s symptomatic culture of maladaptive self-appraisal and the interruption of the natural course of human motivational development is a new psychological concept in our evolving conscious complexity. Cognitive-behavioral therapies focus on resolving negative self-imaging through programs of thought and behavior modification.
Positive self-quality in healthy philautia is not a new concept; it was discussed in symposia almost two-and-a-half centuries ago. However, the psychological ramifications and methods to address it are in their formative stages. There is a need for innovative psychological and philosophical research to address the broader implications of healthy philautia’s positive self-qualities, which could deliver the potential for self-love and societal concern to the SAD person, opening the bridge to procuring all forms of interpersonal love.
Kashdan et al. (2011) cite the “evidence that social anxiety is associated with diminished positive experiences, infrequent positive events, an absence of positive inferential biases in social situations, fear responses to overtly positive events, and poor quality of life.” Models of CBT that attempt only to reduce the individual’s avoidance behaviors would benefit from addressing, more specifically, the relational deficits that such people experience, as well as positive psychological measures to counter SAD’s culture of maladaptive self-beliefs. Non-traditional and supported approaches, including those defined as new third-wave (generation) therapies, with CBT serving as the foundational platform for integration, would widen the scope and perspective in comprehending SAD’s evolving intricacies.
One such step is the integration of positive psychology within the cognitive-behavioral therapy model which “despite recent scientific attention to the positive spectrum of psychological functioning and social anxiety/SAD … has yet to be integrated into mainstream accounts of assessment, theory, phenomenology, course, and treatment” (Kashdan et al., 2011). CBT would continue to modify automatic maladaptive self-beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, and positive psychology would replace them with positive self-qualities.
Training in prosocial behavior and emotional literacy are valuable supplements to typical interventions. Behavioral exercises can be used to practice the execution of considerate and generous social skills. Positive affirmations have enormous subjective value as well. Data provide evidence for mindfulness and acceptance-based interventions, where the goal is not only to respond to the negativity of maladaptive self-beliefs but to pursue positive self-qualities despite unwanted negative thoughts, feelings, images, or memories. Castella et al. (2014) suggest motivational enhancement strategies to help clients overcome their resistance to new ideas and concepts.
Ritter et al. (2013) tout the benefits of positive autobiography to counter SAD’s association with negative experiences, and self-monitoring helps SAD persons recognize and anticipate their maladaptive self-beliefs (Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014). Finally, the importance of considering the “nuanced and unique dynamics inherent in the relationships among emotional expression, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction for socially anxious individuals” should be thoroughly considered (Montesi et al., 2013). As positive psychology focuses on the broader spectrum of philautia ’s positive self-qualities, integration with CBT’s behavior modification, neuroscience’s network restructuring, and other non-traditional and supported approaches would establish a working platform for discovery.
Competing Interest Declaration
The author(s) has no competing interests to declare that are relevant to the content of this manuscript.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
For each new subscriber, ReChanneling donates $25 for workshop scholarships.
Social Anxiety’s Failure to Establish, Develop, and Maintain Healthy Relationships: AI Generated: Relationships
The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.
I recognize that I have fallen behind on my weekly posts. We have been finalizing editing of our upcoming book, A Survivor’s Common-Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety, which goes to the publisher next week. Accounting for the average four-month schedule to get to print, we hope to make this book available sometime in the spring.
Social Anxiety’s Failure to Establish, Develop, and Maintain Healthy Relationships. Part I
From C.-H. Mayer and E. Vanderheiden (eds), International Handbook of Love. Springer Nature Switzerland, 2025. 10.1007/978-3-031-76665-7_59-1
Abstract
Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is one of the most common psycho-physiological malfunctions. Affecting the emotional and mental well-being of over 15 million US adults who find themselves caught up in a densely interconnected network of fear and avoidance of social situations. These observations provide insights into the relationship deficits experienced by people with SAD. Their innate need for intimacy is just as dynamic as that of any individual. Still, their impairment disrupts the ability (means of acquisition) to establish affectionate bonds in almost any capacity. The spirit is willing, but competence is insubstantial. The means of acquisition and how SAD symptomatically disrupts them are the context of this research.
Notwithstanding overwhelming evidence of social incompatibility, there is hope for the startlingly few SAD individuals who commit to recovery. Integrating positive psychology’s optimum human functioning with CBT’s behavior modification, neuroscience’s network restructuring, and other supported and non-traditional approaches can establish a working platform for discovery, opening the bridge to procuring forms of intimacy previously inaccessible.
Keywords: Love -Social anxiety disorder -Intimacy –Philautia -Relationships
Social Anxiety Disorder
The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.
Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is the second most commonly diagnosed form of anxiety in the United States (MHA, 2019). The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA, 2019a) estimates that roughly 15 million (7%) American adults currently experience its symptoms. Ritchie and Roser (2018) report 284 million SAD persons, worldwide, and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH, 2017) reports that 31.1% of US adults experience some anxiety disorder at some time in their lives. Global statistics are subject to “differences in the classification criteria, culture, and gender” (Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014) and “in the instruments used to ascertain diagnosis” (NCCMH, 2013).
Studies in other Western nations (e.g., Australia, Canada, Sweden) note similar prevalence rates as in the USA. As do those in culturally westernized nations such as Israel. Even countries with strikingly different cultures (e.g., Iran) note evidence of social anxiety disorder (albeit at lower rates) among their populace. (Stein & Stein, 2008)
SAD is the most common psychiatric disorder in the United States after major depression and alcohol abuse (Heshmat, 2014). It is also arguably the most underrated and misunderstood. A “debilitating and chronic” psychophysiological affliction (Castella et al., 2014), SAD “wreaks havoc on the lives of those who suffer from it” (ADAA, 2019a).
SAD attacks all fronts, negatively affecting the entire body complex, delivering mental confusion (Mayoclinic,2017b), emotional instability (Castella et al., 2014; Yeilding, 2017), physical dysfunction (NIMH, 2017; Richards, 2019), and spiritual malaise. Emotionally, persons experiencing SAD feel depressed and lonely (Jazaieri et al., 2015). Physically, they are subject to unwarranted sweating and trembling, hyperventilation, nausea, cramps, dizziness, and muscle spasms (ADAA, 2019a; NIMH, 2017). Mentally, thoughts are discordant and irrational (Felman, 2018; Richards, 2014). Spiritually, they define themselves as inadequate and insignificant (Beck, 2021).
The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 9.1% of adolescents experience social anxiety disorder, and 1.3% have severe impairment (NIMH, 2017). The onset of SAD is generally considered “to take place between the middle and late teens” (Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014). Like other pathogens, SAD can remain dormant for years before symptoms materialize. Any number of situations or events trigger the initial contact. It may be hereditary, environmental, or the result of some traumatic experience.
SAD is randomly misdiagnosed (Richards,2019), and the low commitment to recovery (Shelton, 2018) suggests a reticence by those infected to recognize and/or challenge their malfunction. Roughly 5% of SAD individuals commit to early recovery, reflective of symptoms that manifest maladaptive self-beliefs of insignificance and futility. Grant et al. (2005) speculate that “about half of adults with the disorder seek treatment,” but that is after 15–20 years of experiencing the condition (Ades & Dias, 2013).
Resistance to new ideas and concepts transcends those of other emotional malfunctions and is justified by:
General public cynicism
Self-contempt by the afflicted, generated by maladaptive self-appraisal
Ignorance or ineptitude of mental health professionals
Real or perceived social stigma
The natural physiological aversion to change
Many motivated toward recovery are unable to afford treatment due to SAD-induced “impairments in financial and employment stability” (Gregory et al., 2018). The high percentage of jobless people experiencing social anxiety disorder in the United States is related to “job inefficiency and instability” (Felman, 2018), greater absenteeism, job dissatisfaction, and/or frequent job changes. “More than 70% of social anxiety disorder patients are in the lowest economic group” (Nardi, 2003).
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
According to leading experts, the high percentage of SAD misdiagnoses is due to “substantial discrepancies and variation in definition, epidemiology, assessment, and treatment” (Nagata et al.,2015). The Social Anxiety Institute (Richards, 2019) reports that among patients with generalized anxiety, an estimated 8.2% had the condition, but just 0.5% were correctly diagnosed.
Social anxiety disorder is a pathological form of everyday anxiety. The clinical term “disorder” identifies extreme or excessive impairment that negatively affects functionality. Feeling anxious or apprehensive in certain situations is normal. Most individuals are nervous speaking in front of a group and anxious when pulled over on the freeway. The typical individual recognizes the ordinariness of a situation and accords it appropriate attention. The SAD person anticipates it, takes it personally, dramatizes it, and obsesses on its negative implications (Richards, 2014).
SAD’s culture of maladaptive self-beliefs (Ritter et al.,2013) and negative self-evaluations (Castella et al., 2014) aggravate anxiety and impede social performance (Hulme et al., 2012). “Patients with SAD often believe they lack the necessary social skills to interact normally with others” (Gaudiano & Herbert, 2003). Maladaptive self-beliefs are distorted reflections of a condition or situation, often accepted as accurate.
Maladaptive means we do not adapt to certain fears, thus amplifying our distress. The co-founder of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), Aaron Beck, provides three types of maladaptive self-beliefs responsible for persistent social anxiety. Core beliefs are enduring fundamental understandings, often formed in childhood and solidified over time. Because SAD persons “tend to store information consistent with negative beliefs but ignore evidence that contradicts them, [their] core beliefs tend to be rigid and pervasive” (Beck, 2011).
Automatic negative thoughts are immediate, involuntary, anxiety-provoking thoughts, emotions, and images that occur in anticipation of or reaction to a feared situation. They are the unpleasant, self-defeating expressions of our negative self-appraisal that define who we think we are, who we think others think we are, and how we express our fears and anxieties. They are borne of our negative and intermediate core beliefs and the onset of our disorder:
Negative self-images reported by patients with social anxiety disorder reflect a working self that is retrieved in response to social threat and which is characterised by low self-esteem, uncertainty about the self, and fear of negative evaluation by others. (Hulme et al.,2012)
Halloran and Kashima (2006) define culture as “an interrelated set of values, tools, and practices that is shared among a group of people who possess a common social identity.” As the third largest mental healthcare problem in the world (Richards, 2019), social anxiety disorder is culturally identifiable by the victims’ “marked and persistent fear of social and performance situations in which embarrassment may occur” and the anticipation that “others will judge [them] to be anxious, weak, crazy, or stupid” (APA, 2017).
Although studies evidence “culture-specific expression of social anxiety” (Hoffman et al., 2010), SAD “is a pervasive disorder and causes anxiety and fear in almost all areas of a person’s life” (Richards, 2019). SAD affects the “perceptual, cognitive, personality, and social processes” of the afflicted, who find themselves caught up in “a densely interconnected network of fear and avoidance of social situations” (Heeren & McNally, 2018).
Often, mere functionality in perfunctory situations—eating in front of others, riding a bus, and using a public restroom—can be unduly stressful (ADAA, 2019a; Mayoclinic, 2017b). This overriding fear of being found wanting manifests in perspectives of incompetence and worthlessness (Richards, 2019).
SAD individuals are unduly concerned that they will say something that will reveal their ignorance, whether perceptual or otherwise (Ades & Dias, 2013). They walk on eggshells, supremely conscious of their awkwardness, surrendering to the gaze—the anxious state of mind that comes with the maladaptive self-belief they are the center of attention (Felman, 2018; Lacan, 1978). Their movements can appear hesitant and awkward, small talk clumsy, attempts at humor embarrassing, and every situation reactive to negative self-evaluation (ADAA, 2019a; Bosche, 2019).
Persons experiencing SAD are apprehensive of potential “negative evaluation by others” (Hulme et al.,2012), concerned about “the visibility of anxiety, and preoccupation with performance or arousal” (Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014). SAD persons frequently generate images of themselves performing poorly in feared social situations (Hirsch & Clark, 2004; Hulme et al., 2012), and their anticipation of repudiation motivates them to dismiss overtures to offset any possibility of rejection (Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014).
SAD is repressive and intractable, imposing irrational thought and behavior (Richards, 2014; Zimmerman et al., 2010). It establishes its authority through its subjects’ defeatist measures produced by distorted and unsound interpretations of actuality that govern perspectives of personal attractiveness, intelligence, competence, and other errant beliefs (Ades & Dias, 2013). SAD individuals:
crave the company of others but shun social situations for fear of being found out as unlikeable, stupid, or annoying. Accordingly, they avoid speaking in public, expressing opinions, or even fraternizing with peers … People with social anxiety disorder are typified by low self-esteem and high self-criticism. (Stein & Stein, 2008)
Anxiety and related disorders are branches of the same tree. “There is a significant degree of comorbidity between social anxiety disorder and other mental health problems, most notably depression (19%), substance-abuse disorder (17%), GAD [generalized anxiety disorder] (5%), panic disorder (6%), and PTSD (3%)” (Tsitsas & Paschali,2014).
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA, 2019a) includes many emotional and mental disorders related to, components of, or a consequence of social anxiety disorder, including avoidant personality disorder, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and schizophrenia.
While there is less evidence of strong comorbidity with most personality disorders, there are symptomatic similarities. Personality disorders involve long-term patterns of thoughts and behaviors that are unhealthy and inflexible. “The behaviors cause serious problems with relationships and work. People with personality disorders have trouble dealing with everyday stresses and problems” (UNLM,2018).
Personality reflects deep-seated patterns of behavior affecting how individuals “perceive, relate to, and think about themselves and their world” (HPD,2019). A personality disorder denotes a “rigid and unhealthy pattern[s] of thinking, functioning and behaving,” which potentially leads to “significant problems and limitations in relationships, social activities, work and school” (Castella et al., 2014).
A recent article in Scientific American speculates that “mental illnesses are so common that almost everyone will develop at least one diagnosable mental disorder at some point in their life” (Reuben & Schaefer, 2017).
SAD and Interpersonal Love
In unambiguous terms, the desire for love is at the heart of social anxiety disorder (Alden et al., 2018). Interpersonal love relates to communications or relationships of love between or among people. The diagnostic criteria for SAD, outlined in the DSM-V (APA, 2017), include “Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others.”
SAD persons find it difficult to establish close, productive relationships (Castella et al., 2014; Fatima et al., 2018). Their avoidance of social activities limits the potential for comradeship (Desnoyers et al., 2017; Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014), and their inability to interact rationally and productively (Richards, 2014; Zimmerman et al., 2010) makes long-term, healthy relationships unlikely. SAD persons frequently demonstrate significant impairments in friendships and intimate relationships (Castella et al., 2014). According to Whitbourne (2018), SAD persons’:
avoidance of other people puts them at risk of feeling lonely, having fewer friendships, and being unable to take advantage of the enjoyment of being with people who share their hobbies and interests.
There is a death of research directly investigating the relationship between SAD and interpersonal love (Montesi et al.,2013; Read et al., 2018). A study on friendship quality and social anxiety by Rodebaugh et al. (2015) notes the lack of relative quality studies, and Alden et al. (2018) report on the lack of attention paid to the SAD person’s inability or refusal to function in close relationships. The few existing studies report that the SAD person exhibits inhibited social behavior, shyness, lack of assertion in group conversations, and feelings of inadequacy while in social situations (Darcy et al., 2005).
This dominant culture of maladaptive self-beliefs results in the tendency to avoid new people and experiences, making the development of “adequate and close relationships (e.g., family, friends, and romantic relationships)” extremely challenging (Cuming & Rapee, 2010). Experiencing social anxiety disorder translates to less trust and perceived support from close interpersonal relationships (Topaz, 2018).
Although intimately related, the desire for love and the means of acquisition are binary operations. Most forms of interpersonal love require the successful collaboration of wanting and obtaining. The desire for love is the non-consummatory component of Freud’s eros life instinct (Abel-Hirsch,2010). The means of acquisition are the methods and skills required to complete the transaction. Techniques that vary depending upon the type of love.
Let us visualize love as a bridge, with desire (thought) at one end and acquisition at the other. The span is the means of acquisition (behavior). The SAD person cannot get from one side to the other because the means of acquisition are structurally deficient (Desnoyers et al., 2017; Tsitsas & Paschali, 2014). They grasp the fundamental concepts of interpersonal love and are presented with opportunities. But lack the skills to close the deal. Painfully aware of the tools of acquisition, they cannot seem to operate them.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive-behavioral therapy purposed for SAD is typically conceptualized as a short-term, skills-oriented approach aimed at exploring relationships among a person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors while changing the culture of maladaptive self-beliefs into productive, rational thought and behavior (Richards,2019). CBT focuses on “developing more helpful and balanced perspectives of oneself and social interactions while learning and practicing approaching one’s feared and avoided social situations over time” (Yeilding, 2017).
Almost 90% of the approaches empirically supported by the “American Psychological Association’s Division 12 Task Force on Psychological Interventions” involve cognitive-behavioral treatments, according to Lyford (2017). “Individuals who undergo CBT show changes in brain activity, suggesting that this therapy improves your brain functioning as well” (NAMI, 2019).
Recent meta-analytic evidence suggests that CBT as an effective treatment for SAD compares favorably with other psychological and pharmacological treatment programs (Cuijpers et al.,2016). However, there is no guarantee of success, and standard CBT is imperfect (David et al., 2018). The best outcome someone experiencing SAD can hope for is the dramatic mitigation of symptoms through thought and behavior modification. And the simultaneous restructuring of the neural network, along with other supported and non-traditional treatments:
‘[M]any patients, although being under drug therapy, remain symptomatic and have a recurrence of symptoms,’ according to the Brazilian Journal of Psychiatry. ‘40–50% are better, but still symptomatic, and 20–30% remain the same or worse.’ (Manfro et al.,2008)
Behavioral and cognitive treatments are globally proven methodologies. Multiple associations worldwide are “devoted to research, education, and training in cognitive and behavioral therapies” (McGinn, 2019). CBT Conferences (2019) are offered across the globe, “where knowledge transfer takes place through debates, round table discussions, poster presentations, workshops, symposia, and exhibitions.” David et al. (2018) credit CBT as the best standard currently available for the following reasons:
(1) CBT is the most researched form of psychotherapy. (2) No other form of psychotherapy is systematically superior to CBT in the treatment of anxiety, depression, and other disorders. If there are systematic differences between psychotherapies, they typically favor CBT. (3) Moreover, the CBT theoretical models/mechanisms of change have been the most researched and are in line with the current mainstream paradigms of the human mind and behavior (e.g., information processing).
The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) is “a worldwide humanitarian organization” fostering the “dissemination of evidence-based prevention and treatments through collaborations with the World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO)” (McGinn,2019). The World Confederation of Cognitive and Behavioural Therapies (WCCBT) is a global multidisciplinary organization promoting health and well-being through the scientific development and implementation of “evidence-based cognitive-behavioral strategies designed to evaluate, prevent, and treat mental conditions and illnesses” (ACBT, 2019).
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is arguably the gold standard of the psychotherapy field. David et al.(2018) maintain “There are no other psychological treatments with more research support to validate.” Studies of CBT have shown it to be an effective treatment for a wide variety of mental illnesses. Including depression, SAD, generalized anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, PTSD, OCD, panic disorder, and schizophrenia (Kaczkurkin & Foa, 2015; NAMI, 2019). However, David et al. (2018) suggest if the gold standard of psychotherapy defines itself as the best in the field, then CBT is not the gold standard. There is clearly room for further improvement, “both in terms of CBT’s efficacy/effectiveness and its underlying theories/mechanisms of change.”
The fault, however, does not lie with the methodology but with the abundance of therapists who believe that CBT is the golden panacea for all recovery. When the diversity of human thought and experience demands a collaboration of science, philosophy, and psychology. And philosophy, existentially defined, welcomes religious and spiritual insight.
A coalescence of science and east-west psychologies is essential to capture the diversity of human thought and experience. Science gives us proactive and active neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral self-modification, and positive psychology’s three waves of optimal functioning, which are Western-oriented. Eastern practices provide the therapeutic benefits of Abhidharma psychology and the overarching truths of ethical behavior. Individual targeted approaches and scales that focus on regenerating our self-esteem are crucial to recovery.
In her therapeutic sessions, CBT specialist Judith Beck (2021) incorporates techniques from acceptance and commitment therapy, compassion-focused psychotherapy, behavior therapy, Gestalt therapy, interpersonal psychotherapy, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, person-centered psychotherapy, scheme therapy, psychodynamic therapy, schema therapy, and solution-based therapy, among others.
Lyford (2017) provides two examples of criticism. A 2013 meta-analysis published in Clinical Psychology Review comparing CBT to other therapies failed to “provide corroborative evidence for the conjecture that CBT is superior to bona fide non-CBT treatments.” An 8-week clinical study by Sweden’s Lund University in 2013 concluded that “CBT was no more effective than mindfulness-based therapy for those suffering from depression and anxiety.”
Another meta-analysis, conducted by psychologists Johnsen and Friborg (2015), tracked 70 CBT outcome studies conducted between 1977 and 2014. It concluded that “the effects of CBT have declined linearly and steadily since its introduction, as measured by patients’ self-reports, clinicians’ ratings, and rates of remission.” According to the authors, “Just seeing a decrease in symptoms,” he says, “doesn’t translate into greater well-being.” This is reflective of most one-size-fits-all approaches.
While this study recognizes CBT as the best foundation for addressing the SAD culture of maladaptive self-appraisal, it makes the point standard CBT alone is not necessarily the most productive course of treatment. New and innovative methodologies supported by a collaboration of theoretical construct and integrated scientific psychotherapy are needed to address mental illness as represented in this era of advanced complexity. A SAD person subsisting on paranoia sustained by negative self-evaluation is better served by multiple non-traditional and supported approaches. Including those defined as new (third)-wave (generation) therapies developed through client trust, cultural assimilation, and therapeutic innovation with CBT and positive psychology serving as the foundational platform for integration.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
The distinction between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder is in severity. We are not all affected by the same symptoms or relentlessness. The characteristics and traits are equivalent. These conditions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. While comorbidities dramatically benefit, the recovery methods identified are for social anxiety and social anxiety disorder, and reference to one includes the other.
Defense Mechanisms
Excerpts from our upcoming book, A Tough Love, Common Sense Approach to Recovery from Social Anxiety, currently in final editing.
The overwhelming thoughts and emotions caused by our condition can be challenging for our minds to manage. To cope, we develop defense mechanisms—unconscious strategies meant to protect our emotional health from threats.
We deny, avoid, or compensate for a problem rather than acknowledge it. We rationalize our actions, project them onto others, or displace them by kicking the dog.
When used temporarily, defense mechanisms offer an escape from situations that threaten our fragile self-image. Without these strategies, we can experience decompensation—a state where we cannot effectively handle stress, leading to a breakdown in our ability to function and maintain our mental health.
In simpler terms, decompensation is mental overload, where the stress becomes too much for us to handle, and we struggle with our daily tasks and our mental health.
Defense mechanisms are healthy when used to manage short-term trauma, but become problematic when we rely on them to avoid facing reality. Recovery involves examining and understanding how these strategies support our irrational thoughts and behaviors, helping us avoid conflicts with our fragile self-image.
Recognizing how we use defense mechanisms to bypass or avoid reality is a vital step toward recovery. It enables us to turn defense strategies into tools for growth and healing. It empowers us to take control of our mental well-being and navigate our recovery with confidence.
Psychologists have identified approximately thirty defense mechanisms to date. Eight are especially relevant to social anxiety:
avoidance (e.g., evading thoughts, feelings, or situations that cause anxiety or discomfort),
compensation (e.g., overachieving to hide feelings of inadequacy),
denial (e.g., refusing to acknowledge a problem),
displacement (e.g., taking frustrations out on others),
dissociation (e.g., mentally and emotionally distancing ourselves from unpleasant situations),
projection (e.g., attributing our flaws to others),
rationalization (e.g., justifying uncomfortable or inappropriate feelings or behaviors with seemingly logical explanations),
and the related triad of repression, suppression, and regression.
The thirteen cognitive distortions, also particularly relevant to our social anxiety, are also considered defense mechanisms—patterns of biased or distorted thinking that skew our perception of reality.
This post focuses on eight defense mechanisms germane to social anxiety.
Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity, utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information. – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Avoidance
A primary SAD symptom is our intense fear or anxiety during social situations, causing us to avoid interacting with others. Human interconnectivity, however, is essential for emotional health. Turning down opportunities to socialize exacerbates our isolation and opportunities for intimacy and friendship.
This does not mean that we need to challenge every situation. There is a clear distinction between avoiding something out of fear and avoiding it for a good reason. Discretion about who and where we engage is essential, as is adhering to our established boundaries and avoiding situations that pose a threat to our physical well-being.
Avoidance can be a reasonable alternative.
Compensation
Compensation is a defense strategy we turn to when we try to excel in one area of our lives to hide perceived flaws in another. It helps us conceal or overcome struggles in one area by becoming skilled at something else. In simple terms, we overachieve in one part of our lives to make up for deficiencies or incapacity in another.
For example, a student might compensate for academic difficulties by excelling in sports or other extracurricular activities. Someone who feels intellectually inferior might become an artisan; a socially awkward person might become a performer; and someone with body dysmorphia may become a fitness enthusiast.
When used wisely, compensation can be a powerful tool for healing. We counteract our perceived flaws with positive, productive traits. We boost our self-esteem by reclaiming our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements. And we replace negative thoughts with positive stimuli.
Overcompensation is common among those of us experiencing social anxiety. In fact, it is often part of our daily struggles. The term refers to an overreaction to feelings of inferiority, incompetence, or inadequacy, leading to overzealous attempts to overwhelm the feelings by striving for perfection or seeking validation from others.
We tend to overcompensate for our perceived shortcomings, going to extremes to make up for imagined deficiencies, and setting unrealistically high expectations we cannot meet.
Perfectionism closely resembles the characteristics of social anxiety. Understanding this connection helps us recognize the role of perfectionism in our condition. Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well; it’s an obsessive need to be flawless, with anything less being unacceptable.
As perfectionists, we harshly criticize ourselves when we fall short of our standards. We worry excessively about our behavior before and during social situations, ruminating on these worries long afterward. When things don’t go as planned, we find it hard to move forward.
Social Anxiety and Perfectionism
Social anxiety and perfectionism are closely linked. Both tend to involve higher anxiety levels and lower psychological well-being.
People with SAD often see situations in extremes. To a perfectionist, anything less than perfect is disastrous. We view others as either supporting us or opposing us. The world appears black-and-white, with no middle ground or room for compromise. We see ourselves as either exceptional or failures.
This mindset fuels cognitive distortions such as the need to be always right, personalization, and polarized thinking.
Perfectionists and those with SAD tend to avoid situations that might lead to disaster, disappointment, or embarrassment. We fear saying or doing the wrong thing. We dread criticism and ridicule. These worries intensify our self-criticism and defensiveness.
Our perfectionism pushes us to set unreasonable expectations, like performing flawlessly, never making mistakes, and being in complete control. When we can’t meet these expectations, we become disappointed and feel even more incompetent and inadequate.
It is one of the best investments I have made in myself, and I will continue to improve and benefit from it for the rest of my life. – Nick P.
Denial
Denial is a defense strategy that induces us to refuse to accept facts or recognize reality to avoid facing certain truths. It protects us from thoughts and emotions we cannot manage emotionally. It shields us from potentially destructive stimuli by blocking our conscious awareness of the harmful or threatening elements of our memories, experiences, and environment.
We can also be in denial about something we’re not ready to reveal or something that challenges our core beliefs and deeply held convictions.
Denial is a common way to avoid taking responsibility for our behaviors. Many individuals experiencing drug or alcohol addiction deny their habit. Trauma victims often deny that the disturbing experience ever occurred to avoid emotional confrontation.
While denial can offer temporary respite from things our minds find unmanageable, its persistent use can impede our ability to face our fears and control our lives. Freud called it the ostrich effect because denial is simply burying our problems in the sand.
Individuals denying their social anxiety is a pervasive problem. The inability or unwillingness to accept the personal impact of our condition is patently hostile to recovery. Even worse is the number of individuals who know they are affected but resist recovery. This reticence is rooted in our core beliefs of hopelessness and worthlessness, which preclude us from making the effort.
We must be fully aware (recognize, comprehend, and accept) of our social anxiety to recover from it. Denying it is like Blanche complaining that Baby Jane wouldn’t abuse her if Blanche weren’t confined to a wheelchair. ‘But you are, Blanche! You are in that chair.’
We cannot allow ourselves the luxury of ignorance.
Displacement
Displacement is a defense strategy where we redirect negative or hostile emotions to a less threatening or more acceptable target. Our minds find a safer outlet for triggers that are challenging or dangerous. Displacement allows us to cope with unmanageable feelings by transferring them onto something or someone else.
By displacing negative emotions or distressing experiences, we momentarily alleviate the anxiety associated with the source of distress. In common vernacular, we take our frustrations out on someone else.
Unleashing our unmanageable feelings onto those who pose a limited threat, such as a roommate, sibling, or associate, has obvious repercussions. A chastised worker might go home, shout at his wife, run the lawnmower into the flowerbed, and upend the cat. Each recipient of their displacement is adversely affected.
Examples of displacement include the student, upset about poor grades, who bullies someone on the playground during recess, and the wife, frustrated by her husband’s lack of attention, who seeks another sexual outlet to quash her feelings of rejection.
Another form of displacement is sublimation, where we redirect unacceptable urges into socially acceptable activities, such as the woman who sublimates her self-sabotaging desires by working out at the gym or the man who frequents the local tavern.
Individuals experiencing social anxiety are prone to displacement and sublimation as a relief from their continual self-doubt, isolation, and negative self-appraisal. For example, when we become overwhelmed by unresolved fears at the company convention, we might displace our anger and self-disappointment onto someone we dislike or sublimate them by getting out on the dance floor.
It is crucial to recognize that, like all defense mechanisms, the relief from displacement is temporary. It tells us that we must become more conscious of our emotional processes and the need for more productive coping strategies.
Dissociation
An essential component of our recovery is distancing ourselves from our condition—to step outside the bullseye, as it were. As long as we remain entwined with our social anxiety disorder, we tend to see ourselves as helpless, hopeless, and worthless. These are core beliefs that contribute to our social anxiety and depression, as identified by the pioneer of cognitive-behavioral therapy, Dr. Aaron Beck.
The concept of undesirability, characterized by the feeling of being unwanted or unattractive, is a common manifestation in our workshops, where we discuss and address negative self-appraisal.
Traditionally, dissociation is an unconscious disconnection from reality. It allows individuals to mitigate the effects of trauma by severing specific mental connections. Theoretically, our mind unconsciously blocks memories, emotions, thoughts, and impulses that are hazardous to our emotional well-being.
For instance, a person who has experienced a traumatic event might dissociate themselves from triggers that might rekindle the trauma, effectively ‘shutting off’ the emotions and memories related to the event.
Daydreaming or streaming television to avoid conflict is a harmless form of dissociation, while morphing into multiple personalities is a psychosis called DID (dissociative identity disorder) that requires specialized treatment.
Our first exercise in this book was to begin dissociating ourselves from our social anxiety. We redefine ourselves by our character assets, such as kindness, intelligence, creativity, and resilience, rather than by the symptoms of our condition. We’re not our social anxiety. We are intelligent and resilient individuals experiencing the reparable symptoms of social anxiety.
This shift in self-appraisal enables us to take control of our condition, which significantly weakens it.
Uncoupling ourselves from our condition enables us to objectively analyze our negative thoughts and behaviors, allowing us to respond rationally and productively. By consciously disassociating, we gain the power to deactivate the self-destructive aspects of our condition and activate our strengths, virtues, attributes, and accomplishments. This encourages us to focus on the positive aspects of our character, overriding the negative self-appraisals triggered by our social anxiety.
We are not our social anxiety. When we break a leg, we don’t become the broken limb; we experience the discomfort of a broken bone. The same logic applies to our condition. We are not our symptoms and traits. We are individuals experiencing the distress of a devious and powerful mental health condition. This understanding liberates us from the shackles of our condition, enabling us to thrive.
Projection
Projection is a psychological defense strategy in which we attribute our undesirable thoughts, feelings, impulses, or behaviors to another person or group to avoid confronting and dealing with them.
When we project, we subconsciously deny certain negative character traits but recognize or create them in others. For example, we might project our fears of negative evaluation by ridiculing someone else’s inept attempt at socializing. Or if we carry repressed anger to a company event, we might perceive others as belligerent and aggressive rather than acknowledging our hostility.
Projection acts as a protective shield for our emotional well-being, providing relief from anxiety-provoking thoughts or feelings. By attributing our problems to someone or something else, we create a safe distance from what we find distressing within ourselves.
For instance someone who is dishonest might constantly suspect others of lying, orthe bar patron on his fifth scotch, might criticize the obvious inebriation of the person at the other table.
Often, when we instinctively dislike or avoid someone, we unconsciously project our disagreeable traits and impulses onto them.
Psychological projection occurs when we are unable or unwilling to take responsibility for our fears, anxieties, prejudices, and irrational thoughts and behaviors. It is easier to recognize negative emotions in others than it is to acknowledge them in ourselves.
Like many defense mechanisms, projecting may be healthy in the short term; however, recovery compels us to address the causes of our projection.
The long-term effects of persistent anxiety projection are detrimental to our health and may aggravate traditional symptoms of our social anxiety, including chronic stress, the constant influx of fear- and anxiety-provoking chemical hormones, and decreased or static self-esteem.
Anxiety Projection
Anxiety projection is particularly relevant to our condition. Unconsciously projecting our anxious thoughts, feelings, or impulses onto others or external situations helps us cope with emotions that threaten our emotional stability. Rather than acknowledging our fears or insecurities, we deny them by attributing them to external sources.
The traits that lead to anxiety projection are not uncommon in social anxiety. They include social avoidance, overthinking, perfectionism, porous emotional boundaries, and codependency. Recognizing these traits can help us better understand and manage our condition, knowing that we are not alone in this struggle.
Socially, projected anxiety can create a cycle of misunderstanding and conflict. For instance, a person projecting their insecurities might accuse their partner of being unfaithful without evidence, which can easily lead to relationship conflicts. We tend to avoid companionship and intimacy in anticipation of rejection. Projecting these fears allows us to evade responsibility.
Practical strategies for managing anxiety projection are within our reach. They focus on increasing self-awareness, challenging cognitive distortions, and reframing our fears and self-appraisals. By implementing these strategies, we learn to manage our issues rather than projecting them onto some unsuspecting external source.
AI Generated
Rationalization
Rationalization is not the same as rational thought or rational coping statements. Which are logical, self-affirming responses to our automatic negative and intrusive thoughts and other irrational and destructive self-appraisals that threaten our emotional well-being.
Rationalization is a defense strategy in which we justify uncomfortable or errant feelings or behaviors with allegedly logical explanations rather than acknowledging the actual reason behind them.
In essence, we deny or distort reality to reduce our emotional discomfort and self-disappointment by inventing a plausible excuse to disguise the real explanation for our behavior or feelings. For example, if we are rejected socially, we might say that the person is already in a relationship. If our presentation is substandard, we blame the lighting and tech.
These excuses protect us from self-recrimination and disappointment.
Rationalization allows us to reframe our actions or feelings in a more socially and personally acceptable manner, protecting our self-esteem and avoiding emotions that challenge our self-image. Psychologists consider defense mechanisms like rationalization and projection, unconscious strategies that protect us from threats to our self-esteem.
Although rationalizations misrepresent our true motivations, they protect us from the feelings of shame, guilt, or anxiety we might experience when we fail to fulfill our true intentions. Rationalization plays a crucial role in maintaining our emotional stability by revising our interpretations of outcomes.
We rationalize our thoughts and behaviors to make them more acceptable, which shields us from negative self-appraisal and helps us maintain a positive self-image. This reassurance is a key function of rationalization.
We rationalize to protect our self-esteem and maintain a positive outlook, and in the short term, this provides comforting relief. It allows us to alleviate stress until we are better equipped to process our motivations.
However, excessive use of rationalization can lead to further problems. Denying, ignoring, or subordinating the truth of a traumatic situation, consciously or unconsciously, prevents us from honestly evaluating our reactions and responses and making positive changes.
Deflecting Responsibility
When we experience anxiety or guilt about our actions, rationalization offers an emotional escape. It replaces discomfort with emotionally acceptable explanations, but it also enables us to evade responsibility for the outcome, a crucial aspect to consider.
An excellent example of rationalization would be the dieter who opts out of the recommended exercises because they are too time-consuming and have failed them in the past —so what’s the point?
Rationalization versus Lying
It’s important to distinguish between rationalization and deception. While lying is a deliberate attempt to mislead, rationalization is a partly or primarily unconscious strategy. Both conceal the truth and disguise our real motives.
Rationalization, in its various forms—such as minimizing, deflecting, blaming, and attacking—is a common human experience. We’ve all been in situations where we downplay the importance of a task, shift blame to others, or make excuses for our actions. It’s a natural defense strategy that prevents us from taking responsibility and shields us from feelings that could challenge our self-esteem.
While it defends against distressing thoughts, erratic behaviors, and failed outcomes, rationalization avoids the deeper problems that require attention.
Repression, Suppression, Regression
Repression operates at the deepest level of our unconscious mind. It’s a process where we unknowingly suppress traumatic memories or thoughts that our minds find too challenging to handle. In psychology, repression refers to the process by which we prevent specific thoughts, memories, or feelings from surfacing into conscious awareness.
While repression may shield us from immediate distress, it’s crucial to understand that it can lead to enduring psychological issues. These memories, buried in our unconscious, subtly shape our thoughts and actions. For instance, a repressed memory of a past failure could breed self-doubt in similar situations, or a buried traumatic event might steer us from specific triggers without our conscious knowledge.
These occurrences can stir up anxiety, stress, and depression, underscoring the profound and potentially long-term implications of repression on our mental health. It’s essential to address these issues to prevent them from developing into enduring psychological problems.
Suppression
Suppression is a voluntary form of repression. It’s a conscious choice to subdue painful thoughts and memories to deal with them at a more appropriate time. This conscious control over our thoughts and emotions is a powerful tool in recovery. It allows us to resolve the issues that we have temporarily suppressed.
The distinction between suppression and dissociation in recovery is also essential to understand. Suppression is a conscious choice to postpone dealing with specific distressing thoughts and behaviors. Dissociation, as used in recovery, is a conscious decision to mentally separate ourselves from the symptoms of our condition to address them dispassionately and objectively.
Understanding these nuances can provide a deeper insight into our psychological processes during recovery. Making us more knowledgeable and better equipped to handle our emotional issues.
Repression is often confused with the defense strategy, denial, in which we refuse to admit to unacceptable thoughts and behaviors, even with evidence to the contrary. Denial involves a conscious refusal to accept the truth. For example, a person in denial about their addiction may refuse to acknowledge their problem despite clear evidence. Repression, on the other hand, involves unconscious mental dismissal. It’s like the mind’s way of protecting us from overwhelming trauma by pushing it out of conscious awareness.
Both are psychological attempts to unconsciously forget or block distressing memories, thoughts, or desires. However, regression is a severe psychological issue that requires more specialized treatment, something a traditional recovery program does not provide.
A primary objective of a treatment program is to unblock these memories and emotions to address the root causes of our unconscious unwillingness or inability to confront certain distressing or traumatic events or situations.
Certain aspects of our person are broken. It is impossible to fix something that is broken unless we have a clear understanding of its causes. It’s like a novice attempting to rebuild a transmission without knowing the basics of engine operation.
How do we identify the defense strategy we use to avoid dealing with an uncomfortable or unmanageable issue? It’s like recognizing a familiar face in a crowd. You may not be able to explain precisely how you know, but you do. Similarly, we often recognize our defense mechanisms when we see them in action. This underscores the importance of self-awareness in identifying, understanding, and accepting why we use certain defense mechanisms to avoid facing the true nature of our traumatic thoughts and experiences.
This suggests, correctly, that increased self-awareness is necessary to identify, comprehend, and accept our use of defense mechanisms to avoid facing the true nature of our traumatic thoughts and experiences. It’s important to note that during the recovery process, we learn specific coping strategies that help reduce our emotional reliance on defense mechanisms.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO NECESSARY AND ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and conducts programs to alleviate the symptoms of social anxiety and help individuals tap into their innate potential for extraordinary living. Our unique approach focuses on understanding personality through empathy and collaboration, integrating neuroscience and psychology. This includes proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to reclaim and rebuild self-esteem. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports individuals striving to make a positive change in their own lives and the lives of others. All donations go towards scholarships for groups and workshops.
INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY. The symptoms of social anxiety make it challenging for some to participate in a collective workshop. Dr. Mullen works one-on-one with a select group of individuals uneasy in a group setting. ReChanneling offers scholarships to accommodate the costs. What is absent in group activities is provided in our monthly Graduate Recovery Group. In this supportive community, graduates interact with others who have completed the program. Contact ‘rmullenphd@gmail.com’.
Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.
